


Wistful

by Marionette_petals



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Adult Content, Baby, F/M, Intense Sex, Pregnancy, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:20:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 25
Words: 53,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27277153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marionette_petals/pseuds/Marionette_petals
Summary: They share the same apartment, but not the same bed, even though they want to. Will their pride get in the way of their feelings? Rated Mature for sexual acts and language.
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17





	1. Chapter 1

"You're drinking more than usual."

He said it more as a fact than an observation, and the look on his face showed concern and morbid curiosity. His words hung heavily in the air, filling her lungs like tar.

"I need a little extra tonight."

She murmured, looking down at her glass.

Spencer walked to the other side of the bar; resting on his elbows on the granite countertop and looking at her, masking his emotions as usual. The silence was thick, just like the saliva in her throat. All she wanted was to feel his arm around her and his soft lips on her temple to drown out the demons in her head.

"Do you really need this? We can find something else to do to distract you rather than poisoning yourself."

Spencer said, tapping his slender finger on her glass.

She rolled her eyes at his statement, she's heard this too many times before and she knew it was a battle she was going to lose. She sighed in defeat and surrendered the glass to him, scoffing at the sincere relief on his face.

"Spencer Reid, hero of men, and dictator of our apartment"

She slurred jokingly.

"It's doctor."

Came his smirked reply.

"Oh sorry how silly of me, DOCTOR Spencer Reid, hero of men, and dictator of our apartment... your highness"

She giggled, sliding off the bar stool and stumbling into the living room.

She knew Spencer hated that nickname. Your highness. It just fueled her to use it more, his face always made it worth it. The clack of his shoes echoed as he followed her, making sure she didn't fall in the process, and helped her sit on the couch. She welcomed the soft suede and leaned her head on his skinny shoulder, watching him turn on the tv.

"Why do you always call me by my last name, Spence?"

She asked.

He glanced at her and silenced the tv. She knew she was about to regret asking, but she was genuinely curious because all she ever wanted was to hear him say her name. He cleared his throat and looked at her with sincerity.

"At work we call each other by their last names. It's just what I'm used to"

He stated simply.

Well, that was anti climatic, but that point raised another question. One that's been eating at her for a while now.

"Why haven't I met any of your work friends? Why don't they come here?"

She asked, nervous of the answer.

Spencer got quiet, like always. His fist tightened a little bit, and he took a slow calculated breath.

"I don't like company."

Don't like company? That's it? Of course not, it never is with him.

"Spence, what's the real reason?"

She asked, fiddling with her long brown hair.

"That's it. Our jobs, can get really personal. When people know every aspect of your life, they can get in your head and pull your weaknesses out. I like a safe place to be with work left at the door"

He replied.

That made her feel better. He was being genuine. That much she could tell. She could tell that he no longer wanted to talk about it, so she dropped it and snuggled up to him and put her legs up on the couch.

"Are you sure you just call me by my last name because you forgot my first name?"

She joked, focusing on the tv.

"I know your name, Cherish. It's just a habit I promise. If you want me to call you by your first name just remind me so I'm in that habit"

He replied.

Her heart stopped. She heard it. Her name rolled off his lips so sweet, it sounds like beautiful bells in harmony. A deep blush seeped into her cheeks and an involuntary smile creeped over her lips. She tried to hide it but he saw. He sees everything. Damn him.

"What's this? What did I say?"

He smirked, lightly tracing her cheeks with his fingers.

Her heart started pounding, his fingers sending electricity through her body. She silently prayed that he couldn't see her melting under his fingers, but she knew he did. He always did. She looked at him shyly, and immediately regretted it. His face washed in the light of the television, he looked like a god.

A god that she wanted to worship. A god that she wanted to sing his praises and bow at his feet. A god she wanted to kiss, and devote her life to.

And he knew that. Damn him, he knew that.

His fingers traced to her ear and down her neck, ever so softly, lighting a fire inside of her. His eyes locked into hers, those beautiful drops of sunshine fixated on her features, no doubt reading her racing thoughts. His breath was tight, the tension in the air was heavy between the both of them. This is all she wanted. All she's ever wanted since she met him at that park. His lips just centimeters away.

She was begging him to finally cross the line, just this once. Please, just once.

...but of course not.

His phone rang. It always rings. His heart belongs to that ringtone. Her soul was crushed. His hand immediately left her face and fumbled for his phone. He answered and immediately started to smooth out his clothing and jumped up from the couch, causing her to fall over and lay on the couch. She let out a wistful sigh and watched him quickly walk into his room and gather his things. He was leaving. Off to be a hero. He barely glanced at her as he waved goodbye and in just a moment he was gone. One moment she was just centimeters from his face and the next she's sprawled out on their couch left wanting more.

She always wanted more.


	2. Chapter 2

She missed him when he was gone. She would get so lost in the home they shared together that she wouldn't even go outside. Her time was split up into two parts: the time that Spencer is home, and the time where he is not.

Sometimes he was gone for days, even a week or so, and all she could do is mope around and watch the clock for his safe return. Hope for his safe return. Regardless of the crippling weight of her infatuation with him, she honestly loved him as a person. She devoted her time to him, to praise him and gave him all her attention. The fact of the matter was, she did not care if he didn't like her back. She was completely fine with opening her arms to him with nothing expected in return, just to have him close to her. A one-sided love was a hard one, but worth every moment on her eyes.

She watched the news religiously now. Something she never cared about was now a pivotal part of her mental survival, keeping up with Spencer and his wonderful team when his phone wouldn't pick up. He had no obligation to her, but his occasional phone calls filled her with glee like no other. The phone calls never lasted more than 5 minutes, a brief hello and explanations on when to expect him home. It wasn't much, but it fulfilled her nonetheless.

Spencer didn't like to talk about work very much, but sometimes when he got home he was very agitated, excited even. Just full of energy from the chase, it fueled him although he would never admit it. He could talk ninety miles a minute, flying away and chasing the high of his pursuit. He was like a calculated predator, he knew exactly how to break down his prey before he strikes. It filled her with longing for him to turn his sights on her. Just for one night. That's all she wanted.

Was that too much to ask?

She bided her time with meaningless chores, shopping for clothes that would hopefully catch his eye, and even reading his thousands of books he has laying around everywhere in hope to impress him. Her phone was always by her side on the off chance he was thinking of her and wanted to call. She wanted to be available at all times so he would grow to trust her and let her in. Maybe even allow himself to get reckless with her.

It never worked though. He was always so guarded, always had to have the upper hand. The closest he's ever let his guard down to her was one night he came home after a night of celebrating with his team and he was so drunk. One of his teammates brought him home, a beautiful slender blonde that he looked at with such tenderness. When the blonde had turned Spencer over into her care, he giggled and placed a sloppy kiss on her cheek, thanking her for taking care of him. Every time she thought about it would send her heart racing and her thoughts into a fury.

She was in the middle of showering when her phone rang. She quickly threw open the shower curtain and grabbed at her phone, almost falling out of tub in the process. Her heart soared when she saw Spencer's name. She immediately picked up while trying to quickly dry off so she can talk to him.

"Spencer! Thank god you called, I was worried!"

She exclaimed, almost unable to hide her glee.

"Cherish, listen to me." His voice was cold, almost robotic. Like a human metronome. "I'm coming home right now, the unsub is trying to attack the team so he's attacking people close to us. Do not open the door for anyone and hide in the closet in my room. I'll be there shortly."

Before she could say anything, he hung up. Her heart crashed into her feet, and her throat closed up immediately. Her fear immediately set in and she ran to his room and hid in the closet. Of course today was the day his job could be the end of her. The last interaction she had with Spencer was finally making progress. He was getting comfortable and now was the time she had to die. Fuck.

All she could do was sit in his closet and hold her hand over her mouth so she didn't make any noise. Waiting for him to return and save the day.

Just like she always did.


	3. Chapter 3

Every minute that passed by was an eternity. Her heart was racing 90 miles an hour as she tried to suffocate her overwhelming thoughts. Spencer would never let anything happen to her, he couldn't live alone he would _starve_ to death. He was her hero. Her god. He would protect her. She just knew it.

All she could think about was the good times, all the times he was so close to crossing the line and just pressing his lips on hers, pulling the air from her lungs and melting into his gentle touch. It happened so many times, but every single time his phone would ring, or he would pretend to remember something important. He was always desperate to fill the air if it was silent, as if he was scared of quiet. Like he was running away from his own thoughts. She could make him forget, if he would let her.

It made her heart swell, just imagining him out in the world, bringing justice and making people feel safer and saving the day. He saved her day!as soon as he walked in the door. His wild eyes and excited fidgeting. He was always restless, talking away about things she didn't understand and she could just listen to him for hours. Please, please don't let anything take her away from him. Not yet. She was finally happy, for once in her life, even if he was too stubborn to let himself fall for her.

If she made it out, she was going to try harder. He deserved love. They both did.

A sudden bang caused her to jump, and a gasp of surprise involuntarily escaped from her throat. She mentally kicked herself, she knew better. Any type of noise could bring the culprit straight to her. Has Spencer taught her nothing? There were loud clacking of solid shoes in the kitchen, her heart was about to beat out of her chest. Her hands were shaking terribly and it took everything she had to hold her breath. Suddenly, there were multiple different shoes clacking around the living room and even in the bathroom. Was there more than one person? The thought paralyzed her. She was naked except for a towel wrapped around her, cowering in Spencer's closet. If she was found, there was no way to fight multiple people away from her. She was a goner. Imagine dying while naked, how embarrassing.

She heard hushed whispering in the living room, just outside Spencer's room. She looked up at the dark ceiling of the closet, begging for Spencer to save her. He would never let anything happen to her. He was her hero. Her god. She clutched her hand hard around her mouth when she heard soft footsteps on the carpet in Spencer's room, with overwhelming horror she looked through the cracks of the cliche closet doors and saw a dark figure walking around the room. Her heart was beating so hard she could feel it in her ears. This was it. It was over. In less than 2 seconds they were going to open the closet doors and she would be found. She would never see Spencer's sweet face ever again. Just that thought caused tears to fill her eyes, and she bit back a sob in her throat. Her whole body was shaking now, and tears were spilling over her cheeks.

The figure walked around the room slowly, and all she could do was watch in anticipation and horror as they slowly, _painstakingly_ slowly, made their way to the closet. Another figure entered the room and they silently whispered to each other, but her heart was pounding so loud in her ears she couldn't hear what they were saying. Just hushed muffled voices. The figure stood in front of the closet and she screwed her eyes shut and prayed that Spencer would save her at the last second, but she knew deep down this was it. It was over. She thanked her lucky stars to have known her hero. To have been able to worship him and admire him for the short time that she did. She was so lucky. So so lucky.

The closet doors flung open and the floodgates opened. The sobs escaped her throat. If they were going to take her, it would be by force. She could not be taken from Spencer without a fight. She swung with all her might, screaming out at her attacker, unable to see through her tears. She felt her hands connect with rough, stubbly flesh and an immense pain flood through her entire arm as a pair of really strong arms wrapped around her and pulled her out of the closet.

"Sh sh sh, it's okay. It's okay it's okay Cherish it's okay. You're safe"  
The man said, holding her close as she sobbed and attacked the man.

She couldn't even process what he said, adrenaline was pumping through her body and she was not going to let this man take her from the home she shared with Spencer. Not if she could help it. She freed herself from this man and bolted for the door, and ran straight into someone else. They both tumbled to the floor and she froze. It was the woman who dropped off Spencer that night he kissed her cheek. The blonde one. She was safe. She immediately started sobbing and collapsed into her arms while she shushed her and wrapped her jacket around her so she wouldn't be exposed. She cried out for Spencer. They made it. He saved her.

He appeared out of nowhere and was at her side in an instant. She wailed in his arms and clutched onto him for dear life. Her hero. Her god. He wrapped his arms around her and the jacket and held her close, his arms filling her with warmth as he sat silently and just held her. She couldn't tell what he was thinking because his face was emotionless as usual, but surprisingly enough, that calmed her down a little. Everything was okay. It was fine. He saved her, just like she knew he would. He looked so beautiful. Maybe it was the fact she accepted she would never see him again, but seeing him now was a whole new light. He was flawless. His hair smelled of cigarettes and coffee, and she welcomed it. She welcomed anything he would give her.

It took a minute to calm down, and it was so embarrassing. She was completely safe and she made a huge scene. She wiped her eyes and took the first deep breath for what felt like hours.

"I'm so sorry Spencer..."  
She murmured softly into his chest.

His long slender fingers snaked into her hair and cracdled her head so softly, like a baby. It sent electricity down her spine and she collapsed into his chest.

"I would never let anything happen to you Cherish. I promise."  
He whispered into her ear, his hot breath cascading down her neck and causing her to blush.

"Is she okay?"  
A familiar voice asked.

Oh shit. It was the man she punched. She sheepishly turned to the man, but Spencer's fingers did not leave her hair. She drank him in. This man was very muscular, light skinned, and beautiful eyes. He was holding his nose and blood was dripping down his hand. Did she break it?

"I'm... im okay. I'm so sorry sir, I panicked"  
She explained.

He laughed. "You got me I'll give you that, but it's not broken. I'm glad you're okay. Reid, take her to get dressed. We got it from here."

Spencer nodded at him and he walked away. She shakily got up and Spencer hopped on his feet and wrapped his arm around her and helped her walk to her room. The apartment was flooded with people, everyone was making phone calls and talking amongst themselves. They were all so beautiful. She admired them the best she could before she was led into her room and the door was closed. This was the first time seeing his team, and they looked like bad asses. They all looked like heroes.

Spencer sat her down on the bed and immediately went to her closet to look for clothes for her to wear. He looked so tired, restless even.

So... human.

He ruffled through some clothes and something caught his eye. He slowly pulled out one of her outfit hangars and looked at it in awe. He glanced at her and ran his fingers over the front of it.

"Why havent you worn this before?"

He asked, bringing it over to her.

She looked at the outfit. It was a pink dress that buttoned up completely in the front and had straps on it so you could wear a turtle neck underneath, and it had matching dark brown tights with it to pull off this librarian look that she imagined once before. That was so long ago.

"Honestly? I forgot about it. Do you like it?"  
She asked hopefully.

"I do. It reminds me of Mauve"  
He said softly, not taking his eyes off of the dress.

"Mauve?"  
She asked, picking up the outfit to change into.

"My girlfriend"  
He stated simply.

Her whole world came crashing down. The weight of his words almost caused her to collapse. He has a girlfriend? He's never mentioned her in the 9 months they've lived together. She's never seen a girlfriend around the house. Girlfriend? When did he get a girlfriend? Her mind started racing and Spencer noticed her drastic change in mood. He looked at her perplexed, as if he was genuinely confused at her mood swing. Of course he didn't understand. He never would.

"You...you have a girlfriend?"


	4. Chapter 4

She quickly walked into the bathroom before he could answer. Her heart was in her throat and tears filled her eyes. A girlfriend? When did he get a girlfriend? Why hasn't she met her? Why hasn't he mentioned her? She held her breath to keep from collapsing into the floor and crying like a child and got dressed. She put on the outfit he picked out with great reluctance. Happy that he liked the outfit but very apprehensive about this girlfriend of his. Mauve? She's never even heard the name. Who was Mauve and where did she come from? Was she on his team? Was she in the house right now? The thought knocked the breath out of her lungs. Surely not right? Spencer loves his privacy so she couldn't imagine he would date one of his teammates.

After a few minutes she composed herself and came out of the bathroom. She saw Spencer talking with an intimidating tall man with black hair, and decided not to interrupt them. She spotted the light skinned man and approached him.

"I'm so sorry sir. I didn't know who you were, I didn't mean to hurt you"  
She said softly, tucking her hair behind her ear in embarrassment.

"It's okay Ms. Reynolds. I'm a big boy, I can handle a punch or two"  
He said, flashing a brilliant smile.

"Thank you for saving me. What's your name?"  
She asked, fidgeting with the hem of her dress like a child.

"Everyone calls me Morgan, but the name is Derek Morgan. And don't worry about it, you're family and we protect family here"  
He said, putting his strong hand on her shoulder.

His attempt to make her feel better worked. She relaxed and smiled at him, thanking him again for his help and walked into the kitchen for a drink. She pulled out her trusty brandy glass and poured herself a drink. She's earned it. She leaned on the counter and played with her glass, taking a sip and investigating its contents to distract herself from Spencer's words.

"You look like you could use the company. How about I join you?"  
A voice behind her asked, causing her to jump.

She wheeled around and saw an older man standing there. He had a beard and beautiful hair that just screamed Italian. He helped himself to a glass and she poured him a drink and they toasted.

"Rossi. David Rossi. I work with Reid, and I just wanted to say how impressed I was with the punch you delivered to Morgan over there. Good job"  
He smiled, sipping his glass.

"Oh, thank you. I didn't mean to, I just panicked. Spencer called me and told me that someone was coming for me and for me to hide so I assumed the worst. So embarrassing right?"  
She joked, sipping her alcohol.

"Are you kidding? Nice job. Really. I can tell you're on edge though, that's why I came to give you some company. Is this about Reid?"  
Rossi asked, eyeing her.

"Oh uh... yeah, if you want me to be honest. I was scared I would never see him again"  
She admitted sheepishly, blushing.

"I promise you, he would never let that happen. He almost caused an accident just trying to get here. Come hell or high water he wasn't going to let anyone take you away from him."  
Rossi explained casually, finishing his drink and smiling at her.

"Really? You can't tell. He doesn't show it"  
She murmured bitterly.

Rossi put an arm around her shoulders gently. "He does, just not in a way you can see it. But me? It's my job to read minds. He cares for you, he talks nonstop about you at work. Hell, the team already feels like they know you. You're family."

"Thank you, Rossi. I never knew he mentioned me... what about his girlfriend? Surely you guys know her?"  
She asked.

" _Girlfriend?_ What girlfriend?"  
Rossi asked, his eyes widening in disbelief.

"Mauve. He said that was her name."  
She explained, confused by his reaction.

"Oh... that girlfriend. Did he not tell you? Mauve died a year ago. An unsub was in love with him and shw got Reid's girlfriend and killed her right in front of him."  
He explained heavily, taking his arm off her shoulders.

By her horrified reaction, he offered her a smile of comfort and pat her shoulder. He opened his mouth to say something but was called back into the living room by one of his teammates. He apologized and left the room swiftly, leaving her with her thoughts. She felt horrible for reacting so harshly at Spencer's words. She had no idea. Her heart broke for him, and she filled up her glass again. The demons were filling her head again, and she just wanted to drown them out.

"You're poisoning yourself again."  
She turned to face Spencer's beautiful face and she smiled softly at him.

"I know."  
She replied, eyeing him as she polished off the glass.

"Let's do something else, please. You don't need that."  
He said, taking her glass from her and placing it in the sink.

Her heart swelled at his act of concern. She didn't even bother calling him Your Highness. He smiled at her and led her into the living room where everyone was talking and briefing. Morgan was sitting on the couch, Rossi was talking to the blonde, and the intimidating guy with black hair was talking with everyone else. Spencer wrapped his arm around her lower back and led her to the couch and they sat next to Morgan. He and Spencer began talking amongst themselves while she just listened and took this all in. She admired the team for saving her, for considering her family when they've never met her. She admired Spencer for talking about her, for caring for her. It's all she ever wanted.

"Okay everyone, he noticed we were coming and ran. We need to hit the ground running. We don't know who he's going for, or if he would return. Morgan, Reid, you stay here as security, and the rest of us will set up security on an as needed basis. We need to liaison with the police department and the press to be on the look out."

Everyone nodded and immediately started moving. Spencer and Morgan started talking together and everyone left. She waved goodbye to everyone, but they didn't notice. She didn't mind, she was just grateful that she got the chance to meet them. She left the two men on the couch and went into the kitchen to grab a drink, non-alcoholic this time. She sighed and watched the two men laughing on the couch. It was hard to believe that just 40 minutes before, she was accepting death. Accepting she would never see Spencer. That hurt her heart. She couldn't imagine a life without him, even as friends. A life without Spencer was no life at all.

"Reynolds, are you tired? It's late"  
Spencer said, causing her to jump.

She hadn't noticed him come in. She noticed he had called her by her last name, as usual. She didn't mind this time, she was just happy to see him. Was it time for bed though? She looked outside the window and was shocked by how dark it was. What time was it?

"Actually, yes. I don't sleep well when you're not home"  
She admitted.

"You don't have to worry. Morgan is here tonight and he won't let anyone get to you, and you'll be sleeping in my bed so you'll have me with you. Try to get some sleep"  
He said softly, running his fingers through her hair.

Her heart jumped in her chest. Sleep in his bed? With him? It was a dream come true! Her cheeks blushed deeply as she hesitantly followed him to his room. As they were passing Morgan, he shot Spencer a smug smile which resulted in a glare from Spencer. They walked into his room and she noticed that the closet door was still open. Spencer noticed too and quickly closed it, and rummaged through some drawers. He pulled out a t-shirt and handed it to her, a faint blush on his face.

"Here. I imagine this is more comfortable than that outfit. Do you need some pants?"

He asked, trying not to look at her in the eyes.

Her ears went hot as she took the shirt from him. "N...N-No. these tights will be fine. I'll go change."

Spencer nodded and turned around, and her breath caught in her throat. He wanted her to change in his room. Why though? Because they had company? Surely not. She shrugged it off, hoping this was her one chance to cause him to cross that line with her. She quickly changed her clothes, and put his shirt on. It smelled just like him, it melted her heart. It was a little tighter than a big t-shirt fit because she was curvy, but she was so happy to wear his clothes.

"Okay, I'm changed"  
She said softly.

Spencer immediately turned around, and noticed that her clothes were on the floor, so he picked them up and folded them neatly and placed them on his dresser. He pulled back the covers on his flawlessly made bed and motioned for her to crawl in. When she did, she was shocked by how soft the sheets and duvet were. Regardless of his attitude, he had excellent taste. He hesitantly took his shoes off and crawled into bed with her.

"I'm.. im really glad you're okay Cherish. It was scary, thinking I could've lost you."  
He said softly, looking out of his window.

"Me too. I like your team. Rossi is like a dad isnt he?"  
She joked.

Spencer smiled at this, and looked at her. He reached over and pulled her closer to him, laying her head on his chest and wrapping his arm around her. Her heart was racing so hard she was certain he could feel it. Electricity spread through her entire body, she was so close to him.

"Would your girlfriend like you holding me like this?"  
She inquired.

His features softened, and he smiled. "Yes, I think she would."

"Good. I like you holding me like this"  
She admitted.

He smiled softly and ran his fingers through her hair, watching shadows dance across the ceiling. She watched him, studying his every feature. Spencer Reid, hero of men, god of her world. Every fiber of her being wanted him to just kiss her and becoming one with him, but she was okay if he didn't. She was happy to just be in his arms.

"Goodnight Reynolds. You need some sleep. I'll see you in the morning"  
Spencer whispered in her ear.

She hadn't even realized how tired she was until he said that. She yawned and wrapped her arm around his waist and relaxed, immediately drifting off to sleep. She felt his fingers toying with her hair, and he gently pressed his lips against her hair. She didn't even get to appreciate the kiss because she was asleep before she knew it.


	5. Chapter 5

She woke up to faint conversation. She was blinded by the sun coming in the window and she groaned and covered her eyes. How did he sleep like this? She sat up in the bed and yawned, observing his insanely tidy room. Everything had a place, and her outfit from yesterday wasn't on the dresser anymore. Just looking at his room, she could tell Spencer was afraid of disorder. So why did she find herself constantly picking up after him in every other room in the house? Was this his safe place away from the mess?

She noticed that he even made up the side of the bed he slept in. It was neatly packed away and tucked in on his side. It caused her to smile. Her cheeks burned brightly as she remembered that she actually slept in the same bed as Spencer last night. A dream come true. Her heart soared, she could almost feel his fingers in her hair again. His breath washing over her face.

"Good morning"  
Spencer's familiar voice snapped her out of her thoughts, crashing her back to reality. He was leaning against the doorframe, with his arms crossed and holding a cup of coffee. She smiled. He always loved that coffee. It was his lifeline.

"Good morning Spence."  
She yawned.

She groggily got out of bed and swiftly tidied the bed so Spencer wouldn't have a come apart. As she was walking by the door, Spencer held out the cup he was holding to give to her. He knew she didn't drink coffee. She hesitantly took it and he smiled at her. The cup was warm in her hands, like a soft embrace for her hands. She smelled it, and the familiar scent of hot fresh tea filled her lungs. This was the start of a great morning. Everything was perfect. She took a sip from the cup and adventured into the living room, where Morgan was sitting watching tv with a glazed look in his eye. He looked like he hadn't slept at all. She noticed the coffee cup next to him, realizing that Spencer's bad habit was rubbing off on people.

"Good morning, Morgan. Are you hungry?"  
She offered, eyeing him as she took another drink of her tea.

"Mm. Are you buying? I won't say no to a hot meal"  
He said, flashing her the same brilliant smile from yesterday.

"Buying? Are you crazy? Let me cook you some breakfast"  
She chuckled in disbelief.

"I want some of this free breakfast you speak of too!"  
Came Spencer's yell from across the house.

She giggled and made her way into the kitchen, pulling her apron off the hook. She quickly pulled her thick long hair into a ponytail so she wouldn't shed into the food and got to work. She didn't mind cooking, especially not for Spencer. She made omelettes, pancakes, bacon, sausage, and toast. She called the men to the dining room table, and brought out the buffet. The men seemed surprised that she cooked all of it, but did not complain. They both thanked her and dug in. Poor Morgan was starving, he probably hadn't eaten all night.

She was a fast eater, so she finished first. She put her plate and utensils in the sink and notified the men she was going to shower. As she walked away, she noticed Spencer just watching her walk by. It filled her with glee at the thought she was finally getting past his walls and into his heart. Or maybe he was just feel overprotective because of the circumstances. Either way, his attention felt good.

The water felt heavenly. The warmth wrapped around her and washed away the worries of the day before and felt new. She washed her hair, humming her favorite song. Her mind wandered to the gorgeous man in the other room. It always did. Just thinking of his fingers in her hair, and the kiss on her cheek so many weeks ago. She could just feel his drunken lips on her cheek, causing her heart to jump. Her cheeked burned where his lips once were, and she bit her lip.

"Why cant you cross the line with me just once?"  
She sighed wistfully.

After she cleaned up she turned the water off and just stood in the shower for a moment. Just enjoying the quiet conversation coming from the men in the other room. They sounded so familiar together, as if they were brothers instead of co-workers. She liked Derek. He was genuine and sweet, and looked really scary. He was a big dude, which made her even more proud to bust his nose. By no means was she a little girl, she was rather curvy and had some weight on her. It was the cause of her low self esteem, but with Spencer it all melted away. She never felt shy or insecure around him, she was actually excited to catch his attention, however scarce it was.

She sighed and stepped out of the shower, drying off and quietly listening to the conversation the men were having in the living room. They were talking about a case, she guessed it was the current case they were working on because they were talking about plans of action for his capture. Oh yeah. The case wasn't solved yet. Soon Spencer and Morgan would have to leave to go bring justice to the world, leaving her behind again. Her heart sank into her feet, and she put her clothes on. She didn't want Spencer to leave again, not so soon. She missed him so much already and he was just in the other room. How was she going to go about her days with him gone and a dangerous man possibly coming after her? She walked out of the bathroom and went straight to her room. She collapsed on the bed face down into her pillow and let out a gloomy sigh. It was tough, having a one sided love. She pouted for a moment, but composed herself because she wanted to spend whatever time she had left with him.

She got dressed in her favorite outfit, grey baggy sweatpants and a black tank top. How clichè. She had never worn the outfit around Spencer because she wanted to wear cute outfits to catch his attention, but today wasn't about her. It was about him. She pulled her hair into a high ponytail and walked into the living room. She found the men sitting quietly on the couch watching television. Their conversation must have ended badly because they wouldn't look at each other.

"What is it?"  
She asked them.

"Hotch and the team found the unsub, but he got away. One of us needs to go help the team but neither of us can agree on who stays"  
Morgan explained, giving a cocky smirk to a bitter Spencer.

"It's obvious that it's you Morgan. You're better skilled with a gun and you're far stronger than me. I am more help with the team to deliver the profile so we can stop him in his tracks."  
Spat Spencer.

"You can do that while you're here Reid. It's just a phone call away. My skills are needed with the team to bring him down"  
Retorted a smug Morgan.

Spencer scoffed and walked away to his room, his arm brushing her shoulder as he stormed away. She looked at Morgan in confusion and he winked at her.

"He's scared that he can't protect you like I can"  
Morgan whispered.

"No I'm not!"  
Came Spencer's reply from his room.

Morgan nodded at me to further confirm his statement and took a drink from his now cold coffee. She blushed at the thought. Of course Spencer could protect her. He always did. He always will.

"Come on Reid just admit that you want to stay. Reynolds would love your pain in the ass company!"  
Teased Morgan, standing up and stretching.

He chuckled when he didn't get a reply out of the smaller man. Dereck thanked her for the food and coffee and grabbed his badge off the end table. He waved goodbye to her and left. As soon as the front door closed Spencer came out in a hurry. He was putting his gun in his holster, but froze when he saw her standing by herself in the living room.

"Did he just— dammit"  
He cursed.

She gave him an apologetic smile and shrugged. Frankly, she was excited to spend the day with him. He didn't seem to be though. He became a nervous wreck, his fingers to his lips and pacing back and forth.

"I really... I really needed to be the one to go. Fuck!"  
He exclaimed, balling his hand in a fist.

"Why? Am I really that bad of company?"  
She joked, sitting on the couch and grabbing the remote.

"N..N-No. of course not. It's just—"  
He cut himself off, as if he was scared to finish his sentence.

"What is it Spence?"  
She asked.

"It's just... I can't— I have tried so hard to just— ugh, fuck it"

She looked at him in confusion due to all his cursing and he swiftly walked over to her and grabbed her face with his hands. Her breath caught in her throat as she looked up at him. Please let this be it. Her hero. Her god. Her love. Please let him cross this line with her. Just this once. His eyes offered nothing as he stared at her. He was on edge. Excited. Nervous. His fingers felt so good on her skin. She slowly lifted her hands to place over his, their eyes never breaking away from one another. Her heart was racing, electricity crackled between the two. Things started to heat up between her legs. She wanted him. Oh, how she wanted him. Please. Please.

Cross this line. Just this once.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **This chapter has strong adult themes. Just a heads up.**

His breath hitched in the back of his throat. She could see it. She could see the turmoil in his eyes. He was fighting his inner demons. Please Spencer. She knew she could make him forgot those demons if he gave her a chance. That's all she was asking for.

Cross that line Spencer.

She would do the rest. Just cross that line.

His hands were shaking. His eyes wild, calculated. Like a predator stalking prey. Her hero. Her god. He was so beautiful, so flawless, so...human. Her breath was hot, her hands sweating on his. She wanted to cross that line, oh how she wanted to... but looking into his eyes, the pain he was in, the turmoil, she couldn't do it. It was his choice, his battle. She would just wait as long as she needed to. He took a long breath and closed his eyes. No. She was losing him.

Please. Please don't change your mind.

He got angry. His fingers clutched her hair and his exhaled sharply.

"Dulaudid was easier to get away from than you are"  
He said breathlessly.

He opened his eyes, capturing her in his gaze again. She bit her lip, ignoring what he said. That was for another time. Now was not the time. This was her time.

"S-Spence.."  
She gasped out, begging him to just shut up and cross that line.

"Shhhh...shhhh..."  
He shushed, tracing his thumb over her lips.

She instantly shut up. She was getting him back. His wild eyes caused in-between her legs to burn hot. She wanted him so bad. So terribly bad. Her god was right in front of her, and she was shaking, _aching_ to worship him the way he deserved. Spencer. Please.

His fingers snaked up the back of her neck, and tangled in her hair. Please Spencer. Her heart was pounding loudly in her ears. He could see it. She just knew it.

"You drive me crazy Cherish... fuck"  
He murmured, biting his lip.

She wasn't used to his cursing. He normally didn't let himself go like this. She knew how bad he was battling himself. She prayed that he would take the plunge.

And thank her lucky stars, he did.

He exhaled sharply and leaned into her and his lips clashed with hers. Her heart stopped as his lips set her on fire from the inside out. She desperately clung onto him, completely melting into him. He finally crossed that line with her.

He was greedy, and she loved that. He was eager to steal the breath straight from her lungs. Her shaky hands found their way around his neck and pulled him closer, basically pulling him into her lap. She finally had her moment, she was going to worship him. Her hero. Her god felt so good against her. So much better than she ever dreamed of.

Every kiss was more aggressive than the last, more calculated and eager. He removed one hand from her hair and placed it gently on the side of her neck, almost cradling it. He quickly pulled away to catch his breath, staring timidly into her eyes. They were full of lust and fire. She breathed heavily under him, silently begging him to come back to her. Her hands gripped his shirt, slightly pulling on it to give him the idea to keep going. But he didn't. He just looked at her trying to catch his breath. He finally had his prey, what would he do now?

"Cherish... I-I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to lose myself like that I-"

She didn't let him finish. She tugged on his shirt and pulled him down into a fiery kiss again. He started to push her away but eventually gave in and fell into the kiss. She wrapped an arm around him and flipped them over so he was sitting against the couch and she was in his lap. Please Spencer, all she wanted was to show him love. That's all she ever wanted.

He trailed his hands up her legs and rested on her waist, causing a shiver to run down her back. He smiled into her kiss and tugged on her hair to pull her as close to him as he could to kiss her again. Everything was so perfect. So so perfect.

But of course, nothing lasts forever.

Right as his fingers pulled at her tank top straps, his phone rings. Her heart shattered. No. No no no. It always rings. No not now. Please not now!

Spencer shakily fumbled for his phone while trying to catch his breath. Her lust and hunger for him quickly turned to anger. That fucking phone. It always ruined things and she finally got somewhere with her god, and it was just snatched away from her. She watched in horror as he gently laid her on the couch next to him and he quickly got up and bolted for his room. Tears filled her eyes as she saw him grab his badge and gun.

"Please... please stay with me"  
She begged, biting back a sob.

He hung up the phone and began attaching his holster. "I'm... im so sorry Cherish. I..I have to go. Trust me, I don't want to leave you but it's my job. I have to"

He walked over to her and leaned down to press his forehead against hers. Tears were spilling down her cheeks as she made one last desperate attempt to bring him back to her. She leaned forward to kiss him again but he backed away, his eyes locked shut and he clutched his hand in a fist. He was angry. She knew that, but she was angry too. She finally got somewhere with her love and it was being taken away from her! He placed a soft kiss on her forehead and hesitantly walked out the front door. Mouthing a pitiful apology on the way out. All she could do was watch him go as her world fell apart. Her heart was racing; her body was still confused on what just happened. She had him. She had it all. Now she had nothing. She didn't bother going to her room.

She collapsed on the couch, and cried herself to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

She woke up the next morning in a groggy daze. Her neck and back ached, but she didn't care. She sat up and stretched, rotating her sore arm at the shoulder. Her heart was broken from the day before.

"Spencer..."  
She quivered, tears filling her eyes.

Tears spilled down her cheeks. She was so bitter. So angry. He finally crossed that line, and left. A tease. Of course she understood why he left, it just hurt. All she wanted was him to walk through that door, swoop her into his arms, and drown her in kisses and love. She wasn't going to win him over by moping around though. She wiped her eyes and stood up, determined to finish what he started. As soon as he got back.

She steeped a tea bag in her teacup, and cleaned up the kitchen from the day before. She hung her apron back on the hook and washed the dishes, replaying the day before over and over in her head. Remembering his face, how soft his lips were, how greedy he was. It took the breath from her, making her weak in the knees. Those eyes, so cold and distant but yet they made her feel so warm and loved. Maybe she imagined it, but she didn't want to know. She was happy to have shared that with him. The feeling of him underneath her on the couch, his hands tracing over her body... it made her heart skip. She clenched her fist to try to control the burst of energy and excitement that was coursing through her veins.

With great restraint, she put her phone on charge without calling him. All she wanted was to hear his voice, but she wanted to fully process everything before she got lost in his voice. She smiled nostalgically at her phone, remembering all her friends begging her to get a smart phone but she always refused. She had an old flip phone that still worked perfectly. When she met Spencer, she was excited that another person had a flip phone. He has a smart phone now, for work, but he keeps his flip phone just for her. So they can call each other on them. It meant the world, and even she would never get a smart phone if she could help it.

She sat on her bed, the events of yesterday still heavy in the air. She remembered something weird he said. About dilaudid. What was it again? She racked her brain, trying to muffle all the pleasure and feel-good parts, and focus on what he said to her. 'Kicking dilaudid was easier than getting away from you' ? Was that what he said? Was he addicted to dilaudid?

He certainly didn't behave like an addict.

She got curious and wandered into his room. Normally, she would NEVER do this. Ever. She respected Spencer's privacy immensely but if he was addicted to something that would take him away from her, she wanted to know what it was and how to help him. Very carefully, she went through his room for dilaudid, or any substance of any kind. She was horrified when she came across 2 vials stuffed in his sock drawer. She read the label, and saw that it was indeed dilaudid. What was it though?

She decided to put the bottles back and walked over to the communal desk and got on the computer. It was time for her to solve a mystery and possibly make the world safer for her love. She looked up the substance name and was shocked by what she came across. How on earth did he get his hands on something like this in the first place? What has he gone through? It broke her heart. He was struggling with a deadly addiction and it was a hard substance to get sober from.

"My poor Spencer..."  
She sighed.

This was going to be hard, but she was determined to help him get sober. He deserved to get through life without depending on anything to help him get through the day. Besides her of course. She looked up programs and devised a plan that fit her schedule. No rehabs. She would be his rehab. She was going to fix everything.

Her phone ringing caused her to jump. She hadn't even realized how deep she was in thought and planning. She quickly got up and ran to her room to pick up the phone. It was Spencer!

"Hello?"  
She answered, filled with glee.

"You don't have to do all that, Cherish. I'm not addicted to it anymore"  
Came the cold voice of Spencer.

"Thank god. I was so ready to dive in head first to get you sober"  
She smiled.

"It was hard, but I did it. I keep those vials in my drawer as a reminder of how far I've come"  
He explained.

"Wait— how did you know I found those? How did you know what I was doing?"  
She asked.

"I have security cameras in the house. It streams to my phone"  
He chuckled.

Her cheeks burned bright red. How embarrassing!

"Spencer! You never told me!"  
She exclaimed.

"Why would I? I like watching you"  
He said casually.

"Watching me? You perv!"  
She exclaimed jokingly.

He chuckled softly, and she heard people talking in the background. Was he in his office? It felt so good to hear his voice after yesterday.

"I like to know you're safe, that's all"  
He said softly.

"I promise Spence I'm safe. When are you coming home?"  
She asked, excited to see him.

"I will be home tonight. This case is closed and I need some sleep"

"Okay Spence. I'll see you tonight. What do you want for dinner?"

"Anything. I'm starving"

"Okay. I can't wait to see you"

"I promise it'll be soon enough. I'll talk to you later"

"Talk to you later Spence"

She hung up the phone, taking a deep breath to compose herself of her excitement. He was coming home, and so soon at that! She couldn't help but cheer in excitement in glee. She darted to her room to get dressed, throwing on a beige cardigan over her black tank top and her enemy: jeans. She hated wearing jeans, but it's the outfit she put together when she bought it so it was an unspoken rule to wear them with the cardigan. Yes, she was aware it was crazy. She cleaned the apartment, and set some steaks in the sink to defrost. Hopefully it would be completely ready to cook by the time her hero got home.

Everything got scrubbed clean, even the rug that sat underneath the couch she used to protect the hardwood floors. Everything had to be perfect, had to be in place so not a single thing could keep Spencer from her for even a moment. It took hours, but it was worth it. When everything was finished, she collapsed on the couch proud of herself. She turned on the television to check the news, in case anything had gone wrong at his office. She hated that she'd gotten dependent on the news, but it was her best friend. Always reassuring her that everyone was safe. She mindlessly watch television to pass the time, all the while trying to calm her racing heart. Her entire body was brimming with excitement. She hated this, getting so worked up just waiting on him to get home. It happened every single time. Maybe she was obsessed. That didn't bother her though.

The hours creeped by excruciatingly slow. There was only so much television to watch, so many pages of a book she could read. It was times like this she wished she had friends. Not a lot though, she wasn't responsible enough to keep up with a lot of people. Maybe one or two. Friends she could talk to about the perfect being that had her heart, friends she could go shopping with, or even have lunch with. Something to pass the time. However, she had none. She's only lived here for roughly about a year. She hardly ever went out unless it was to grocery shop. How on earth was she going to find friends that way? She refused to do anything else though, the world was scary as she'd come to learn.

She was in the middle of cooking dinner when the front door opened. Her heart started racing in excitement as she seasoned the steak and checked the baked potatoes in the oven. Spencer walked in and she tried to hide just how excited she was and went for a tender hug. He wrapped his arms around her gently, as if he was afraid to break her. She was about to go in for a kiss when a woman followed behind him into the kitchen. Spencer noticed her sudden change in mood and rigidness, and gave her an apologetic smile. It was the blonde woman, and holding her hand was a child that had the same blonde hair. Her child?

"Reynolds, this is JJ. And this is Henry!"  
Spencer exclaimed, swooping the child in his arms.

JJ seemed obviously uncomfortable, and hesitantly reached out her hand to shake. Biting back her bitterness for the unwanted company, she smiled warmly at JJ and shook her hand firmly. Maybe it was to assert dominance over the woman. To show that Spencer was hers. Maybe it was to impress his coworker. She didn't know, but she didn't like being childish that way.

"Wow, nice handshake. You're stronger than you look"  
The woman smiled, glancing over at Spencer playing with Henry.

"Oh, uhm, thank you. It's nice to meet you, JJ. Henry is very beautiful. Will you be joining us for dinner?"  
She asked, trying to hide her disdain.

"Is that okay? Me and Will are having a bit of a fight and I didn't want Henry to see it. Spence is his godfather so I figured this was the best place to be..."  
She said sheepishly.

Will? She didn't know who that was, but assumed it was her boyfriend or husband. She nodded politely and offered her a brandy glass.

"Absolutely! I just wish SOMEONE would have told me so I could have prepared more food"  
She joked, speaking loudly so Spencer would hear.

JJ giggled and accepted the glass with relief. She appeared to loosen up.

"He does that a lot. His mind always going, never a destination. Seems to distract him. Henry seems fine with him, do you want some help? I know it's last minute but I'll gladly help you cook. I need some girl time anyway"  
She offered.

Cherish hesitantly accepted. Maybe this was a possibility to make a new friend. It definitely was an opportunity to know more about his team and his work. The stories she must know! She wasn't excited about how she called him Spence though. Don't think that just brushed over her. She was also shocked that Spencer was a godfather. Not once in the entire time she'd known him had he ever mentioned Henry. Was that why Spencer had such a unique bond with JJ? She poured the beautiful blonde a glass of wine in her brandy glass. Yes yes, not the right glass. She never used the right glass for anything, and JJ did not complain. She happily accepted and followed Cherish's lead and grabbed an apron off the hook. While JJ made the salad, Cherish made the rolls. She could help but notice how JJ was dressed. She was dressed in a form fitting black dress and heels as if she was... on a date? The thought left a bitter taste in her mouth.

Did she think Spencer was bringing her on a date?


	8. Chapter 8

They finished dinner and JJ set the table. Henry was wound up and excited so he was talking 90 miles an hour, and it warmed her heart. It was comforting to see Spencer with him. He was so gentle and loving, like a real father. It defeated a little bit of her spirit though, because looking at the three of them talking and laughing together, they seemed like a real family. How could she compete with that? Henry was so beautiful, just like his mother. JJ was rather small for the job she had, but Cherish did not doubt for a moment that she wasn't a hero. She looked like she could hold her own.

"So, where are you from Reynolds? Spence always talks about you but yet this is the first time actually meeting you"  
JJ said, turning towards her and drinking from her glass.

The question completely caught her off guard. She was so lost in their unique dynamic she had completely lost track of where she was.

"Oh, uhm, I'm from everywhere really. I moved around a lot as a child, my mother was a single mom so she did her best"  
She smiled, hoping that was enough to deter any more questions from her childhood.

JJ nodded and opened her mouth to ask another question, but Spencer piped up and completely snatched her attention. She wanted to hate JJ, but she couldn't. Watching her interact with him was just like looking into a mirror. Desperate for his eyes to fall on her, to engage in conversation.

"My mom called today. She actually remembered my name. It was wonderful"  
Spencer said, smiling with pride.

His mother. That was a subject he NEVER talked about. Ever. She didn't even know his mother's name, but he just throws it into dinner conversation? Bitter. That's the only word she could describe the taste in her mouth. JJ seemed genuinely excited for him and put her hand on his. That gesture meant a lot to him, it was written all over his face. Bitter.

"I'm so glad to hear she's doing better. We need to make another trip down there to see her. I know Henry would love to see her again"  
JJ smiled.

"I know she would. She talks about him from time to time, when she's in the right headspace that is. I think I might go see her soon. She asked me to read to her again but I just haven't had time"  
Spencer said, taking a drink from his glass.

JJ nodded and helped Henry clean up his plate. Henry thanked her for the good food, and took off into the living room to watch cartoons on the couch. She hadn't even noticed that everyone had finished eating, and she had barely touched her plate. She didn't mean to, she was just completely astounded by what was happening right in front of her. When JJ walked away to put away everyone's plates, Spencer locked eyes with her. He knew. Just by his expression she knew that he knew. Busted. She pretended not to notice and smiled at him, but he knew better.

He got up without saying a word, and walked into the kitchen. All she could do was watch him helplessly. He was supposed to be hers. He was supposed to want to spend time with her. What happened?

She started eating some more and stared off at the wall, trying to ignore the hushed conversation coming from the kitchen.

Bitter.

"Henry, Daddy wants us to come home to have some ice cream! Doesn't that sound fun?"  
JJ called, coming out of the kitchen.

She saw it. Tears. There were tears in her eyes. She wanted to feel bad for her, she had no idea what this woman was going through, but she didn't. JJ picked Henry up from the couch, and thanked Cherish for letting her have dinner. She said goodbye to Spence and left. As soon as the door closed behind her, she let out a hushed sigh of relief. Spencer sat back down at the table with a troubled look on his face. She hated seeing him like that, it hurt her heart.

"What's wrong Spence?"  
She asked.

"JJ... JJ just confessed that she was in love with me"  
He said, audibly irritated.

Mm. That hurt. Her breath got caught in her throat and her heart plummeted to her feet. Her blood went cold. She can't compete with JJ.

She was bitter. So bitter.

"What...did you do?"  
She asked, her voice hoarse.

"I sent her home. She's the mother of my godson, my coworker, my friend. Nothing more"  
He explained irritably.

That made her feel better. So maybe he wasn't in love with her yet, but he did not love JJ so that made her feel like she had a shot. She hated seeing Spencer so conflicted though. She felt as if it was her responsibility to make sure he was always okay.

"I'm sorry Spence. I don't doubt everything is complicated"  
She said, offering him a helpless smile.

"It isn't though. She knows how I feel about her. She had a chance before and she chose Will. I made my own decision that day, and I feel nothing towards her romantically"  
He explained casually.

That made her feel better. "What are you going to do?"

"Nothing. I just want to relax before work tomorrow."  
He sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

"Here. Let's change into our pajamas and watch tv. There's a history documentary on tonight that I wanted to watch"  
She said, pulling off her cardigan.

"I don't wear pajamas, but I'd like to watch that with you...You wore that shirt yesterday"  
He observed matter-of-factly.

There he was. He was himself again. A smile creeped over her lips as she rolled her eyes.

"I'm so sorry I can't be in pristine shape like you, Your highness"  
She smirked.

Normally he would roll his eyes, but she saw relief and even... a smile?

"It's doctor"

He corrected her, taking his shoes off and placing them next to the door to his room.

She giggled and tossed her cardigan on her bed, and changed into some pajamas. She put on some pink plaid pajama pants and kept her blank tank top on. She threw her hair into a quick ponytail and joined Spencer on the couch. He was wearing the exact same clothes from dinner, and she giggled at his mismatched socks. She sat down and tucked her feet under her and laid her head on his shoulder like she normally did. It felt... peaceful. She was happy things were going back to normal. She instantly forgot everything about JJ, and got lost in his presence.

She always did.


	9. Chapter 9

_The kiss was hard. Desperate. His hands shaking as they made their way under her shirt. His fingers were cold, clutching her waist as if they were afraid she would run away. His hair tickled her nose as he greedily pulled the breath from her lungs. She was on cloud nine. She didn't know why he cornered her into the kitchen, or why he was all of a sudden so lustful._

_She wasn't complaining though._

_She let herself fall into him, giving in to every demand, every want, every touch. He pushed her against the counter, leaning down to pick her up and place her on the counter. He wasn't letting her go anywhere. She happily wrapped her arms around his neck as his hands tangled in her hair. They were both breathless, but unwilling to let go of the other. All this built up anguish and love for him came pouring out. This was her hero. Her love._

_Her god._

_He felt so good against her, never in her wildest dreams did she think she would ever have him like this. Her fingers shakily fumbled with the buttons on his shirt and slowly slid it down his shoulders, ushering a lustful sigh from his lips. The passion in the air was so thick, neither of them could breathe._

_"Spencer..."_

_She gasped, biting his lip._

_This caused him to smirk into their passionate kiss, it sent sparks through her body. That cocky bastard. Hearing his name from her lips fueled him, he became more aggressive. He planted a hand on either side of her, pinning her into that spot and he leaned back to take her in. Her cheeks flushed, her eyes filled with love and desperation, her gasping breath begging for more. She could see the evil in his eyes, the excitement._

_"Tell me what you want..."_

_He smirked, his lips trailing down to her lips._

_"I don't want you to hold back, I want you to have me, as yours and only yours"_

_She murmured._

_She turned and caught his lips in another kiss, causing a low grunt from the gorgeous man. He pulled back and looked at her with cold calculating eyes._

_"Is that what you want? You want to find out what type of man I am?"_

_He asked, gripping her thigh._

_This gesture caused her to softly moan involuntarily, her whole body was set ablaze by his bold words._

_"Y-yes..."_

_She whined desperately._

_His smile was something she'd never seen before. The excitement, the lust, the... animalistic nature. She had never seen this side of him before, and she wanted more. She needed more._

_"Cherish."_

_He said._

_"Yes?"_

_"Cherish."_

She bolted out of her sleep to a hand grabbing her arm. She shot up out of bed to come face to face with Spencer. She was breathing hard, her heart racing, and she could feel her cheeks burning. It was a dream. A cruel, beautiful dream. She looked at Spencer in confusion, her mind running a million miles an hour.

"Cherish, are you alright?"  
He asked.

"Y-yes. Are you alright? You scared the hell out of me!"  
She exclaimed breathlessly.

"I never saw you dream before. You seemed like you were having a nightmare with all the moaning so I wanted to make sure you were okay"  
He said, scanning her face for any clues.

If only he knew! Her cheeks flushed bright red as she looked at him in horror. It was such a good dream and he had no idea!

"I...I-I'm okay. Why were you watching me sleep?!"  
She asked, desperate for a change in subject.

"I always do."  
He said simply.

"You perv!" She giggled, "why on earth—"

"You're so beautiful Cherish. Especially when you sleep."  
He murmured, never breaking eye contact with her.

She choked on her own breath. Did he really just say that? Why was he so bold all of a sudden? She smiled, giddy just hearing him say it.

"Well, if you really thought that, why haven't you slept with me more often? You can see my beautiful face more"  
She joked, reaching over to her windowsill and grabbing her water bottle.

"You mean it?"  
He asked.

She looked over at him as she took a sip of water, observing the obvious excitement in his expression. He was being genuine. Her heart skipped a beat, he honestly wanted to sleep next to her more!

"Of course. That one night I slept in your bed was the most amazing sleep ever"  
She gushed.

He smiled. She never knew why she always just said what was on her mind with him, even if it made her look like a fool. Maybe it was because he did it too? Or maybe she was so desperate for him to trust her she over shared everything just to keep his attention. As embarrassing as that was, she couldn't stop. He got up from his chair and stretched, causing the book in his lap to fall in the floor. She hadn't even noticed he wasn't wearing a shirt! Her cheeks flushed violently as he carefully pulled the covers back and slid into bed next to her. His chilly skin against hers was heavenly!

"So what were you dreaming about?"  
He asked, pulling her close and wrapping his arms around her.

"If I told you, you would run far away from me"  
She giggled, laying her head on his perfect chest.

"If I tell you my dream, will you tell me yours?"  
He asked, snaking his fingers through her hair.

"Actually, sure. You can't judge though"  
She warned.

"Okay. I had a dream that you met my mom, and she liked you."

"That's beautiful, Spence."

"In the dream, she wanted a grandchild, and wanted you to give it to her."

"Oh wow, that's bold. I love your dream!"

"Now tell me yours, Reynolds."

"Uhm... my dream was the act that produces said grandchild... rather roughly"  
She admitted, blushing deeply.

"Do you like rough sex?"  
He asked, sending her heart racing.

"...yes."  
She whispered, avoiding eye contact.

He grabbed her face and made her look at him, sending thousands of not-so-innocent thoughts through her head. He smirked at her, knowing the effect he had on her. His thumb gently traced over her lips, his eyes never leaving hers.

"That's good to know."

Was all he said.

He let go of her face and relaxed in the bed smiling, knowing what he'd done. Her hero. Her god... teasing her.

How cruel.

"...do you like rough sex, Spence?"  
She asked.

"I don't know, I've never had sex"  
He said simply, staring out of her window at the sky.

Everything suddenly made sense. All his pent up aggression and greediness during their intimate time together, the lack of affection at any other time. She was in love with a virgin. How fitting. A god that's never been worshipped. She liked that, she was going to be the first at his alter, and she was going to make sure he never forgot it.

"Would you like to?"  
She asked.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **This chapter contains sex. Just a heads up.**

His face quickly turned red. Her words hung heavy in the crisp quiet air. She could not believe she mustered the courage to even ask such a thing. What happened to letting him move at his own pace? She was selfish too, she guessed. Her heart had stopped, lying in wait of his answer. He didn't tense up, he wasn't uncomfortable, but he didn't say anything. She heard his heart pick up the pace, and he cleared his throat.

Please Spencer, cross this line with her again.

She was like an addict, completely hooked on his attention and affection. He was a virgin, she was happy to do all of the work and let his first time be special. She was ready to give herself up to his alter, and worship him the way he deserved.

"I don't deserve sex with you, Cherish"  
He scowled.

This completely took her by surprise! She shot up to look at him in his eyes, looking for anything to tell her why he would say such a thing. He offered nothing, as usual.

"What? What are you talking about Spence?"  
She asked, confused.

"I haven't been fair to you. I don't deserve you"  
He said softly.

"Oh shut up, doctor"  
She smiled, rolling her eyes.

She got on her hands and knees, hovering over his long slender body. She was careful, watching his face for any signs of being uncomfortable or unwilling. He offered nothing of the sort, so she leaned down to kiss him. His breath hitched as he welcomed her lips and his hands immediately found themselves in her hair. That was their favorite place to be, their home. They belong tangled in her hair. It didn't take long for his greedy nature to take over. He pulled her down closer to him and bit her lip, trying to take control. She almost wanted to completely give into him, let him take over, but she couldn't. This was her alter, she was going to offer herself and everything she had. He deserved it.

His bulge rubbing against her thigh was a clear indication that he was excited. How could she blame him? It was his first time. And with her no less!

"A-are you sure you want to do this? You don't have to"  
He stuttered, completely flustered.

She smiled at him and ran her hands down his chest and stopped at the waistband in his pants. His head fell back into the pillow in anticipation as she teased her finger into the waistband, using her other hand to unbutton them.

"Spencer... you have no idea how long I've wanted this. Do you trust me?"  
She asked, taking her time unzipping his pants.

"Yes. Just please don't leave me. Ever"  
He said, grabbing her hand forcing her to look at him.

"I wouldn't dream of it, doctor"  
She smiled, pinning his hand next to his head.

He relaxed, watching her as she tenderly pulled off his pants. He let out a sigh of relief, relieved that the pressure of his zipper was gone. She straddled him, grinding against him while leaning down to kiss him. His hands gripped and pulled her hair involuntarily, she could see him losing himself to ecstasy. Her heart was racing, she couldn't believe she finally had her god. She was ready, she was so ready. He was ready, completely giving himself up to her. Every inch of his body was hers, and she wasn't going to waste a single inch.

She didn't want to be rough the first time, she didn't want to scare him off. Her lips found their way to his neck, gently biting down and sucking. He let out a stifled gasp and he lifted his hips harder into her. She heard his silent curses, it filled her with electricity and fire. She left a trail of kisses down his neck and chest, stopping right above the waistline. He was breathless, begging for more. She smirked and bit down at the waistband of his underwear, pulling a excited moan from the gorgeous man underneath her.

"If you liked that, you're going to love this"  
She teased.

Before he had a chance to ask her what she meant, she traced her tongue down the entire length of his cock painstakingly slow through his underwear. He hissed and bucked his hips against her mouth. He wanted more, and she couldn't _wait_ to give it to him. She sat up, pulling her tank top off to show him her bra. He blushed considerably as her DDD sized breasts bounced out of her shirt. She pulled his underwear off, fully exposing himself to her. He didn't shy away, he wasn't embarrassed. He was completely lost in her, and she melted under his eyes. She wasted no time getting between his legs and used her tongue to tease his cock. He hissed and immediately grabbed her hair, guiding her to the tip. She smiled and took him into her mouth. He bucked his hips and forced her to take more. His greediness and desperation caused in between her legs to get hot. He was so perfect. She bobbed her head for a few moments, relishing his sounds of pleasure. He matched her rhythm, forcing her to deep throat. She happily obliged, giving it everything she had. After a few moments he couldn't take it, he pulled her up by her hair, recapturing her in a hard kiss. She grabbed his hand and placed it on her breast, and he graciously accepted her offer. He buried his face in her breasts, leaving a trail of kisses across her chest. Teasing his tongue along the line of her bra. She pulled at his hair, allowing him to move but not letting him to leave. His lips left a trail of fire across her skin, and caused her to beg for more without realizing it.

"Spencer..."  
She moaned softly.

He forced her in another kiss, his shaky hands fumbling to pull off her bra. He sat up, pulling her to sit in his lap. He threw her bra across the room and wasted no time to message her breasts. She couldn't believe how good his hands felt for his first time. She let out a soft moan and bit her lip, grinding harder against him. He grunted and gently kissed her nipples. She let her head roll back, losing herself in him. His bulge rubbing against her clit in her underwear was sending her into bliss. His tongue was soft, and he gave her playful bites on her nipples, causing more moans and soft pleas for more. She wanted him to feel as good as she did. With great reluctance, she quickly pushed him into the bed with a hard kiss. He pulled at her underwear, breathing hard. She quickly pulled them off and teased her wet entrance against the tip of his cock. He moaned, biting her lip and slipping his tongue inside her mouth. She welcomed it graciously, making out with him as she slowly teased her way down his length.

"F-fuck... Do that again"  
He begged, his hands gripping her hips hard.

She smiled, looking into his eyes as she teased him again. She rotated her hips and took in his entire length, filling her entire body with pleasure. He was bigger than most, that she's ever seen. He moaned into her lips, bucking his hips into her wanting more. She wasted no time, sitting up and grinding into him and watching him lose himself in the ecstasy.

She loved seeing his eyes roll back and his head falling into her pillow. They both couldn't help themselves, muttering sweet nothings to each other in bliss. He picked up her rhythm and started pounding into her as she rode him. Each stroke was better than the last, he was catching on quick.

"D-dont stop. Please don't stop"  
He begged, his desperation filling the air in the room.

That fueled her to prop her legs up and to bounce on his huge cock. He growled and held her hips in place while he fucked her harder. His greedy, animalistic nature took over, and he was completely powerless to it. His moans and curses filled her lungs, and his cock filled her entire body with pleasure. This was all she ever wanted. It was better than she ever imagined.

"Ch-Cherish..."  
He gasped, his eyes wide.

She smirked, he was about to cum.

"S-Spence it's okay"  
She reassured him.

She rode him harder and faster, excited to give him what he wanted. What he needed. He reached up and grabbed her neck and pulled her down to face him, kissing her hard. She giggled as his body tensed up. She didn't stop, his moans were the most beautiful sounds she'd ever heard. He came, hard. She felt his cock pulsating inside of her, she felt his hot cum fill her up. She moaned with him, relishing the moment. He collapsed into the pillow, going completely limp. Powerless to the high, to the pleasure. She sat back on his cock, just drinking the beautiful man in. He was a mess. His hair was all over the place, matted and in disarray. His poor neck was deeply bruised with a hickey, making her smile. He was breathless, his mind obviously a million miles away. She leaned forward and rested her head in her hand, watching and waiting for him to come to. She didn't want to get up, she enjoyed feeling him inside her.

"Wow..."  
He gasped.

She giggled and brushed his hair out of his face.

"Did you enjoy yourself?"  
She asked.

His eyes rolled back and he smiled. "I can't believe I finally got to be with you. You have no idea... how long I've wanted you."

Her heart soared. He wanted her too! She almost jumped with glee. All those nights, wondering what she was doing wrong, wondering what it was going to take to snatch him up, she finally had him. She was so excited. She finally had him. He crossed the line with her, and she gave him exactly what he asked for.

"Me too Spence. It was so much better than I could have ever imagined..."  
She sighed wistfully.

She got up, giggling at his tattered groan and walked to the bathroom. She peed and cleaned herself up, that dumb smile never leaving her face. He finally crossed that line, and now it wouldn't be so hard to get him to do it again. She flushed and headed back to her room to find him clumsily putting on his underwear.

"A-are you ready for bed?"  
He asked.

"Sex wears you out, don't it?"  
She teased, pulling on an oversized t-shirt.

He nodded and pulled her into the bed with him. She snuggled up to him, and before she could even tell him goodnight, she heard his soft snoring. She giggled and wrapped her arm around him, and lifted her leg to his waist, getting comfortable. It didn't take long for her to pass out as well.


	11. Chapter 11

She slept better than she had in quite a while. With him in the bed next to her, she felt so safe and secure.

She woke up to him rustling out of bed. She whined and reached to grab his retreating hand, earning a chuckle from the gorgeous man. He turned and planted a soft kiss on her forehead.

"Good morning, how did you sleep?"  
He asked.

"I slept so good. You're so comfortable"  
She yawned, stretching out in the bed.

"So are you. I wish I could lay in bed with you a little longer, but I have to get ready for work"  
He said, patting her hand.

She whined in protest as he walked out of the room. She heard the bathroom door open and shut, and decided to make his coffee so he didn't have to buy any. She went into the kitchen and started the coffee pot and steeped a tea bag for herself. She yawned again and ran her fingers through her messy hair, blushing at the memory of last night. The weight of what they did almost froze her to the spot. Her whole body went hot and her heart raced. She finally got him. They crossed the line, and she finally got to worship him like he deserved.

She heard him shuffle to his room and close the door. He was getting dressed for work. She leaned on her elbows on the counter, clutching her tea mug. She took a sip, watching whatever was on tv through the opening on the bar. She dreaded watching Spencer go to work. How was she supposed to pass the time while he was gone?

Spencer came out of his room, looking as gorgeous as ever. His vest and button-up always did something to her, but today it was a whole new level of hot. It made her shiver. He walked into the kitchen, giving her a smoldering smile. She blushed and motioned for the coffee pot, which he thanked her for and poured himself a cup. It was a disposable cup she kept stocked for the man on the go. He leaned his back against the counter next to her and rested his head against the upper cabinets, sipping from his coffee cup and looking at her sensually.

"You look great this morning"  
He smirked.

She giggled and rested her head on his arm. "You always look good Spence."

They sat in silence, just enjoying each other's company. It was a warm moment. Both of them were relaxed and calm. His heartbeat was soothing against her ear drums. The warm tea in her hands cascaded over her face, filling her lungs with its strong scent.

"Thank you, for giving me a chance."  
Spencer said.

She looked up at him, pleased that he cared enough to thank her, but he didn't have to. She was more than happy to have him, it's all she ever wanted.

"You don't have to thank me Spence, I've been trying to snatch you up for almost a year"  
She giggled.

"I know. Thank you for being patient with me"  
He said softly.

She leaned over and kissed his arm. "I have endless patience for you Spence. I always will."

The relief in his eyes said it all. She took a drink from her tea and focused on the tv again. It was still the cartoons Henry was watching the day before. He leaned down and kissed her cheek, his lips burning a hole in the side of her face. Just the softest touch from him sent her into a hot mess, but there's nothing else she'd rather be.

"I have to go to work. I'll talk to you later"  
He muttered.

She nodded and waved goodbye to him as he left. She hated saying goodbye to him, hated seeing him go. The world needed him though, needed a hero. She sighed and rested her head in her hands. What was she going to do to pass the time? The clock on the stove read 8, so she had 12 hours or more to kill. She decided to get dressed, and possibly pull one of Spencer's thousands of books off the shelf to read it.

She made her way to her room and changed into high waisted yoga pants and a tattered crop top. It wasn't her usual attire by any means, but she felt brave. She pulled her hair into a ponytail and walked into the living room to his library. She closed her eyes and randomly picked a book. She pulled it down and admired the old tattered cover. This must be very old. She carefully opened it, and saw a small note in it:

"Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone; we find it with another."

She immediately closed the book, her heart sinking. She traced the spine, reading the title:

_The Narrative of John Smith._

She put the book back on the shelf, her heart aching. A romantic interest from his past must have sent that to him. It seemed like a very personal gift, and she remembered Spencer saying he didn't get too personal with his team. So the only person she knew of was Maeve. She didn't want to dig up old relationships and lose him, so she sat down on the couch instead. She mindlessly watched cartoons for hours. She was completely locked away in her own world. All she could think about was how lovely Maeve must have been, and how beautiful JJ is. She was no competition compared to them. She hated when she got in her own head like this, she always beat herself up and dragged her down into the abyss of despair for no reason.

Before she knew it, several hours had passed and it was getting dark out. She hadn't eaten anything at all, and didn't want to. All she wanted was Spencer home. His sweet face and soothing voice would make it all go away. She huffed and got off the couch, growing irritated with herself. She hated talking herself down, she knew it did no favors for herself. She decided to go to the kitchen. She made a blend of 3 different cheeses for a simple grilled cheese and quickly cooked it so she could have a snack. She wasn't hungry but she had to take care of herself. She cut it in half— diagonally of course she wasn't a monster— and nibbled on it as she sat down at the dining table. Spencer would have a come apart if he knew she ate food on the couch. She hummed her favorite song, surprised by how much the grilled cheese elevated her mood. She watched the cartoons on the tv while she ate. Normally she would feel childish for watching so many cartoons, but she couldn't bring herself to change the channel. She didn't understand why of course, but she couldn't watch the news right now. If she watched cartoons, the news didn't exist. She didn't want to drag herself down with worry by watching the horrible events going on in the world right now.

She finished her food and placed the plate in the sink. As she was washing her hands, her phone rang. The sudden noise caused her to jump. She quickly dried her hands off with the hand towel and answered the phone. It was Spencer.

"Hey, I was just thinking about you"  
She giggled flirtatiously.

"Me too, that's why I called. I should be home early tonight, Emily sent me home"  
He explained.

Emily? Who was Emily?

"Well that's good. It's so boring with you gone. What do you want for dinner?"  
She asked.

"Honestly? I'm not all that hungry. I'll pick up a pizza for you, hows that?"

"Sounds fine. When can I expect you?"

"Less than an hour. I'm leaving now"

She told him goodbye and he hung up. It was such a simple, cold conversation but it eased her mind. It meant things were normal, that things were okay. She couldn't help but wonder if he regretted sleeping with her. He obviously wanted it in the moment, but did he see it as a lapse in judgement? She shook off the horrible thought and pulled her hair down from the ponytail. It had been rigid and kept in place all day so it hurt her scalp to run her fingers through her hair to give it any type of volume. She decided to keep the crop top and yoga pants on. It showed her stomach but Spencer had literally seen her naked the night before so that didn't bother her.

She thought about the Emily woman that Spencer mentioned. Obviously they were coworkers, but did she have the authority to send him home? She thought the tall intimidating man was their leader or captain or whatever. Did she have it wrong? Probably. She was often wrong about most things. That's why she was so glad to have Spencer in her life, he knew the answer to everything. He was a database of good and useless knowledge so the conversations were endless with him.

She shoved Emily and the old book out of her mind, she didn't want to bring herself back down. She was excited to see her hero. Her god. He would come in tired from his day at work and she would make him smile. That's all she lived for.

She washed the dishes in the sink, humming softly to herself. She tried to wash every chance she got so she could stay ahead of the mess, but thankfully Spencer wasn't the type to be messy unless it was her personal effects and the clothes he wore on the way in from work. He ate maybe once a day, and even then it was only because he had to to keep his brain working at the capacity he liked it to. It was amazing to her that he remembers every word he's ever read, he never forgets anything. Except to call her by her first name of course.

She heard him come in while she was laying on the couch watching cartoons again. She quickly bounded over to the door to greet him, and was surprised by his lively attitude. He was in a great mood despite coming home from work. He sat the pizza box down on the dining table and pulled her in for a gentle hug. She graciously jumped into his arms and almost crushed the poor man. She was so excited to have him home.

"The best part of my day is coming through that door"  
He admitted shyly.

Her heart soared. She's always wanted to hear that. She wanted to make his life better by any means necessary.

"Mine too! I miss you so much when you're gone!"  
She smiled.

His hands traced up her sides and settled on her waist, she could see him eyeing the crop top. She expected as such, seeing as she never wore this attire.

"Did you work out today?"  
He asked, tugging on the fabric struggling to hold her breasts up.

"Uh, no. I'm wearing it ironically I guess..."  
She blushed.

"It looks good. Though I have to admit it looks good for... the wrong reasons"  
He smirked.

How cheeky! His words sunk into her skin, making her heart jump. Was he really trying this?

"Is that so, doctor?"  
She grinned devilishly.

Now was his turn to blush. "I can't help it, you created this monster."

She giggled. He was absolutely right. She coaxed him to jump off the edge and dive straight into bed with her and she took his virginity like the selfish monster she was. Did she regret it? Absolutely not. Never. It was the happiest night of her life.

"I'll happily take responsibility for it. I'd do it again too"  
She teased.

He took his shoes off and placed them next to the door and unbuttoned his vest. He locked eyes with her as he slowly pulled it off, revealing the button up shirt underneath. Her thoughts started to go a little crazy, and all she could find herself thinking about was the night before and how she couldn't wait to have him in her clutches again.

"Do you like what you see, Cherish?"  
He asked, giving her a smoldering smile.

"Do you even have to ask?"  
She giggled, running her hands up his shirt.

"I want to hear it."

"Yes, I love what I see..."

That fueled him to give her a tender kiss. Before she had a chance to reach for his shirt, he took her hands in his. His soft slender fingers trapped hers in his. His eyes captured her in a tense gaze, she could see that he was getting excited just being around her, but he was trying to control himself.

"Good, but for now, let's relax."  
He said, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and leading her to the couch.

They sat down and he turned it on another documentary. Her mind was racing, her whole body was hot. He knew what he was doing. He was right, she had created a monster. He was going to get better at playing games with her until one day she's not going to be able to withstand his charm.

She couldn't wait for that day.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **This chapter contains sex. Just a heads up.**

They watched tv for a while in complete silence. Spencer was bouncing his foot, agitated. He fidgeted with his fingers and ran his fingers through his hair.

"What is it?"  
She asked, clasping his hands in hers.

"I honestly cannot believe how sex affects your mood. I've always read about it but I never understood how strong it was"  
He said, laughing to himself.

"Once you get sex, it's so much fun"  
She smiled.

Spencer was thinking about sex? She must have done a good job then. She was elated to give him something that nobody else could. He nodded and caressed his thumb across her cheek. She smiled and leaned into his hand, just enjoying his touch.

"You're absolutely right. You make it fun, and I wouldn't mind if we did it again..."  
He said, locking eyes with her.

She was instantly in his trap. As soon as he locked eyes with her, she was a goner. She could never say no to him, definitely not for sex. Why would she? He was so hot, especially with his button up just begging to be unbuttoned. He saw her blush, her hindered breath. He smiled knowingly, he knew what he had done. She melted under his predatory stare waiting for him to strike.

Before she could even process it, his hand was on the back of her neck pulling her roughly to his lips. This instantly made her wet, she LOVED rough sex, and he was capitalizing on it.

"Follow me."  
He instructed, getting off the couch.

He grabbed her hand and led her to her bedroom. She rolled her eyes a little bit, of course they couldn't have sex in his room, it was too clean. The thought made her giggle. He turned to her, grabbing her waist and pulling her in for a desperate kiss. His hands immediately reached for her bra and unsnapped it. He quickly maneuvered it off while keeping her crop top on. She didn't complain, his attention on her was all she cared about. Did that make her selfish? Yes, but she didn't care.

She started unbuttoning his shirt while his lips were on hers again. His tongue slipping into her mouth, his soft moans filling her lungs as she ran her hands over his chest exposed chest. She slid his shirt down his arms slowly, enjoying his greediness. He grabbed her breasts and bit her lip, causing a small exhale of pleasure to escape her lips.

"You can bite harder Spencer don't be afraid to hurt me, I like it rough"  
She said.

"Is that what you want?"

She could see him losing control. His animalistic side was taking over, and she got excited. She wanted to see what kind of man he was. What he was capable of.

"Please Spencer..."  
She begged.

His smirk said it all. He grabbed her and thrusted her on the bed. Without wasting a moment he was crawling over her and pinning her hands down, his eyes filled with lust. Yes Spencer, give in to the need. He was such a gentle soul, he needed an outlet to get all of his anger and frustration out, and if that happened to be her in a bliss-filled rage then so be it. She welcomed it. She wanted it.

He wasted no time, his teeth sinking into her neck filled her with such pleasure that she moaned rather loudly and arched her back to press up against him. She could feel his smile against her skin, and his grip on her wrists tightened. His chest felt so good against hers, minus the crop top. He sucked on her neck, giving her what felt like a wicked hickey. Her heart started racing and her body began to heat up, and he was just getting started. Oh god, this was going to be good.

He let go of her wrists and pulled her crop top up to expose her breasts. She felt his bulge pressing against her thigh. She blushed considerably, remembering their first night, how good his cock felt inside of her. He didn't stop at the crop top. He immediately pulled off her pants and underwear, fully exposing herself to him. Unlike him, she was shy. She blushed and pressed her legs together. He saw this, and kissed her again, leaving a trail of butterfly kisses down her jawline and to her ear. She felt his teeth sink into her earlobe and it sent a wave of pleasure over her, ushering another moan from her.

"Open your legs."  
He instructed sternly.

This made her even more wet. She loved being told what to do, and she almost obeyed him, but her shyness has her captive.

"Open your legs, or I will open them for you."

"S-Spencer.. please"

He bit down on her neck again, his hand trailing down her stomach. His hand sent chills down her spine. Her breath was hot and heavy, her heart was pounding so hard she could feel it in her ears. He sat back on his knees and slipped his hands between her legs, roughly forcing them open as if it was nothing to him. He was stronger than he looks. He looked down at her with hooded lids.

He looked like a god, and he was all hers.

He leaned down and kissed her inner thigh, smiling when she gasped and pressed her leg against his lips. She felt his teeth sink in and she involuntarily bucked her hips against him. He behaved like he was very experienced rather than it was his second time.

"Does that feel good?"  
He asked.

"Yes... please don't stop.."  
She begged.

"I wouldn't dream of it."

He quickly pulled his pants and underwear off. He was hard as a rock, throbbing in anticipation. He climbed back over her and looked into her eyes, smiling. He bit her lip, hard. Her eyes rolled back as she embraced the pain, the absolute pleasure. While she was distracted, he slowly slipped inside of her, filling her with unbelievable ecstasy. They both groaned, and he pinned her hands back again. This was her favorite place to be. She belonged here.

Seeing as it was his first time doing this, she instructed him how to do it. He caught on quick, he learned exactly what felt good to her and what didn't. As soon as he figured it out, he capitalized on it. He didn't waste a single moment. He was excited. He needed this as much as she did.

Each stroke was just another wave of pleasure for her, it was unlike anything she'd ever experienced. She was breathless, her mind completely muddied by her ecstasy. She couldn't think straight, all she could do was beg for more. She saw that he loved being in control. He would tease her with long show strokes, forcing her to beg, and when she did he obliged eagerly. It was rough sex, the kind of sex she loved. Each time he pounded into her, her head would hit the headboard and that was her favorite part.

"Spencer... f-fuck I-I'm—"

"Good."

He didn't let her finish her sentence. He knew. She didn't know how but he did. She wanted to pull his hair and scratch his back, something to leave a mark and a reminder but he had a death grip on her wrists. She was completely at the mercy of her god. He fucked her hard, completely sending her over the edge. She tensed up and her eyes rolled back as the pleasure completely took over her body.

"Spencer!"  
She screamed.

She came. Hard. He chuckled at her and fucked her faster, wanting to cum himself. Each stroke brought wave after wave of pronounced bliss while she recovered.

"Mm. It's my turn."

She quickly wrapped her legs around him, shoving him deeper inside her and his eyes widened. He wasn't prepared for that. His eyes rolled back and he came with a low grunt and collapsed on top of her completely drained. She giggled and kissed his cheek. He gasped for breath and let go of her wrists, allowing her to hold him.

"Was that okay?"  
He asked breathlessly.

"That was perfect. When did you learn to talk like that?"  
She sighed.

"It's my secret."  
He smiled, rolling off of her and brushing the hair out of his face.

"Alright, keep your secrets"  
She giggled.

They fell into a familiar silence. Spencer quietly tried to catch his breath, and she pulled her crop top back over her breasts the best she could. She watched him soar through the high, unable to move. He was so cute.

"Ugh I have to pee"  
He huffed, hopping out of bed.

She watched him walk away admiring his retreating figure. She couldn't believe he was hers. She got out of bed too and looked for something to clean up with. Two days in a row? Was this heaven? She put her underwear back on and ventured off to the kitchen for the pizza he brought home. She was starving now, sex always wore her out.

Spencer came out of the bathroom and went back to her room, she assumed to change. He immediately came back out with only boxers on. She admired him more while eating the pizza. He noticed her watching him and winked at her. He grabbed a slice of pizza as well.

"I thought you didn't eat pizza?"  
She giggled.

"I normally don't but I'm starving"  
He smiled.

"I wish you looked at me like you look at that pizza!"  
She teased.

"You're not there to quench my hunger after sex, you're the reason I'm hungry"  
He retorted.

They both laughed and sat down at the table and they ate the entire pizza in seconds. He was right, she could never compare to this pizza, but she was happy in her place as the woman he had sex with.


	13. Chapter 13

After the pizza they ventured to the refrigerator for something to drink. Spencer took solace in the last water bottle and she grabbed a can of soda. Neither of them were big soda drinkers, but she enjoyed them every now and then. Right now especially, it was ice cold and it cooled her down a bit. She sighed in satisfaction after the first sip, that first drink after sex was EVERYTHING.

"Rossi guessed what had happened yesterday. Immediately. I was impressed"  
Spencer said out of nowhere, smiling at her.

"What?"  
She asked, cocking her head sideways.

"Rossi guessed that I had sex the very day after we first had sex. I was impressed because I thought I was good at hiding my emotions but as soon as I walked in he gave me a slap on the back and said congratulations"  
He explained, chuckling to himself.

She smiled, it warmed her heart that his team knew, even if it was just Rossi. She really liked Rossi, he had such a calming presence. He seemed very fatherly, and quite wise. Hearing Spencer talk about him, her assumption was right. Speaking of his team, she remembered an Emily that he mentioned.

"Hey, you mentioned an Emily that sent you home today. Is she your captain?"  
She asked, finishing off her soda.

"Yes she's our captain"  
He answered.

"I thought the tall dark haired guy was. The one that looks scary"

"Hotch? He used to be, but he's a full time dad now. Emily took his place"

"Oh wow. I'm glad he with his son. It was nice of Emily to send you home a little early today"

"It's because she found out about JJ's confession to me. She sent all of us home early so she could talk with her"

"Oh I'm sorry Spence, I don't think she meant to cause any trouble"

"I know she didn't, and Emily is really understanding so things will be fine. I'll sit down and have a talk with her, I know it's bothering her"

"You do that, I'm sure talking with you would mean a lot to her. I'll let you go ahead and call her, I'm going to shower. I stink"  
She giggled, kissing his cheek.

He nodded and pulled out his phone as she walked away to the bathroom. She felt better about Emily. She hated getting insecure, but she was happy that Spencer just told her the truth about everything, even if it hurt. She never had someone to depend on like that and it was refreshing. JJ on the other hand, she honestly felt sort of bad for her. JJ has known Spencer for far longer than she ever had, there was no telling just how much they have been through. If Spencer was anything like he was at home when he was at work, it wasn't shocking that someone would fall in love with him. He was genuinely a good person. It made her a little insecure to have other girls confessing to him while she was with him, but did she have the right to? They weren't officially together, he never said he was exclusive with her. So why would he be responsible to be loyal?

She sighed as she turned on the water. Of course he was loyal to her. He had no obligation to be, but she knew he was. He came straight home to her after work, he gave her 100% of his attention when he was home, except when work called. He told people she was in his life. It made her so happy to know that. These past few days were a blur. A blissful blur that she could hardly process. A few days ago she was begging for Spencer to notice her and now he couldn't get enough. It was perfect in every way.

She undressed and stepped in the shower. The warm water washed over her and made her sigh in relief. All of her worries washed away in the water. Ever since she was born she loved water, it soothed her. Now as an adult it still soothed her. It was the only constant she'd ever had. It was a familiar feeling. She hummed to herself as she cleaned up, scrubbing the thin layer of sweat and sex from her skin. She was a bit of a germaphobe. It wasn't bad, but she liked to be clean and didn't like touching anything too much. Now, Spencer on the other hand, was the only exception.

He was always going to be the exception.

She heard the door open and it made her jump. "I'm in here!"

"I know. I wanted to join you"  
Came Spencer's sweet voice.

She blushed, trying to hide her smile by biting her lip. He opened the shower curtain and stepped inside, rolling his eyes back as the pleasant warmth of the shower hit him. Her heart jumped, she couldn't believe that he was ready to shower with her. He was a huge germaphobe. Normally he would NEVER shower with another person, but he made an exception for her. She was his exception.

The thought filled her with a deep profound love that she didn't even know she was capable of. It almost brought tears to her eyes.

"You look really nice in the water Reynolds..."  
He said softly in her ear, wrapping his arms around her.

"You're going to make me cry, thank you. You look nice too"  
She smiled, swallowing her tears.

"Are you crying? Did I say something?"  
He asked, immediately concerned.

"I just... ive never had someone care about me the way you do. It's... lovely. It's really lovely"  
She said, her lip quivering.

His face softened, he held her and pulled her head against his chest.

"It is lovely. I've never had anyone to love me like you do. Thank you"  
He murmured in her ear.

She smiled through her tears. Happy tears, happy tears. He knew she loved him. He always knew. He was good at his job so she could never keep anything from him. She never wanted to, she wanted him to trust her. She wanted to be the one good, safe place for him to fall into every day. It's all she ever wanted.

They shared a tender kiss and showered. She washed her hair while he washed up, they both were silent, but silence was warm and familiar with them. Usually she was a nervous person, desperate to fill up any type of silence, and he used to be that way around her as well, but they both have settled into a good routine in each other's company. If they didn't have anything to say, they just didn't say anything and enjoyed each other's company. It was a healthy, stable trust that she'd never had before.

After the shower was over, she walked to her room to find some clean pajamas. She found some shorts and a white t-shirt and threw them on, she didn't even bother with a bra. She walked back in the living room and found Spencer sitting on the couch on his phone. She sat next to him and rested her head on his shoulder. She didn't want to watch his screen and invade his privacy, so she focused her attention on the tv. It was an infomercial about some hair product.

"Emily said that JJ was fine, that there was no reason to worry about anything. I called her before I joined you in the shower and you were right."  
He said, locking his phone and putting it away.

"Right about what?"  
She asked.

"It meant a lot to her that I called her and talked to her personally. Her and Will made peace, and that she was going to focus on him so she can let go of her feelings for me. I'm glad things can go back to normal"  
He said, laying his head against hers.

She was happy to hear that. She may have been apprehensive about JJ, but she was glad she apologized was focusing elsewhere trying to fall out of love with Spencer. It showed the integrity she really had, and that made her gain a lot of respect for the beautiful blonde.

"I'm really happy for you... I hope tomorrow goes well at work for you"  
She encouraged.

"I forgot that I worked tomorrow! I have to go to bed or I'll be worthless. Goodnight, Cherish I'll talk to you later"  
Spencer said suddenly.

He jumped up from the couch and hastily walked into his room and shut the door. She giggled and blew him a kiss knowing he wouldn't see it. Sure, they wouldn't sleep together in the same bed tonight, he was allowed to have his space.

She decided to watch a little more tv before going to bed.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Bit of a time jump! Just so there isn’t confusion!**

The next few weeks were a blur. It was almost routine. Spencer would come home from a case, she'd make him dinner, they would have sex, and just sit together on the couch. It was becoming the new normal. She lived in bliss, everything was perfect. Her time was split between when Spencer was home and when Spencer was not home. When Spencer was not home, she would mope around until he came home.

JJ went out of her way to come to the apartment and apologize personally for any tension or spite she may have caused by confessing to Spence. Her explanation was that she didn't know that Cherish and Spencer were together, and how could she? They never officially declared exclusivity. She didn't blame JJ, and was happy to accept her apology and relinquish all hard feelings she had for the blonde. After having dinner with her and Henry a few times, she grew to be comfortable in JJ's presence. It was pleasant even. Spencer and JJ seemed to have gone back to normal as he said, even though she did not know what their normal was. She trusted that everything was fine.

Cherish had summoned the courage to go out once a week while Spencer was gone, and usually it was the library. It was a quiet place that she felt comfortable in, and she was proud of herself for stepping out of her comfort zone and making an effort to have a certain quality of life that she hadn't had before. The library had tons of regulars, with whom she had become aquatinted with. It was nice, having people know nothing about her and didn't try to, they just had interesting conversation and went about their separate ways. It was beautiful in her eyes.

In the past few weeks, she had seen Spencer cry for the first time. Derek had left the BAU to be with his son. From what she's heard, Morgan named his son partly after Spencer, and it hurt her love so very much to see him go. She wanted so badly to take his pain away, but she understood that his bond with his team was something she would never be apart of, and something she could never possibly understand. They have been through hell and back together as a unit, and that connected him to his teammates in a profound way that she could only see from the outside. She was okay with that, she respected the life he had outside of her and supported him with her entire heart. She would do anything for him, without hesitation. _For the rest of her life_ , she hoped.

Tonight was a big night. The team was having a celebration about a very high profile case; Spencer said the unsub's name was Scratch? He was dead, after years of taunting and targeting the team, and they were all breathing a sigh of relief. They normally didn't have celebrations at the office, but Emily made an exception to welcome the upcoming weekend. She even extended her hospitality to Cherish, saying the entire team couldn't wait to meet her. It was intimidating at first, a group of such accomplished individuals sharing their work and she was just a woman who stayed in the house all day. Spencer was happy though, to finally introduce her to everyone. She felt bad that Morgan had left, and that he wouldn't be there, but she was excited about his new journey into fatherhood. She would finally meet Emily, the technical analyst Penelope, and the other field agents she couldn't seem to remember.

She was standing in her room, staring at her outfit in the full length mirror. It was the outfit that Spencer liked. The pink dress, the creamy white turtleneck, and the brown tights. She felt excited, admiring her curves in the mirror. Spencer was teaching her to love herself just through his words and tender affection. If someone as perfect as him could love her, she could learn to love herself.

"Are you ready?"  
Spencer asked, snapping her from her thoughts.

"Oh, uhm, yes. Do I look alright?"  
She blushed.

"You look fantastic. Thank you for coming with me, everyone is excited to see you"  
He said, wrapping his arms around her.

He rested his head on her shoulder and watched them in the mirror. He had told her that he's never really had a romantic life besides Maeve, and he didn't get the chance to do this with her. She felt bad that he never got that chance with Maeve, from his stories she was a lovely woman. She was happy to step in and take care of Spencer for her, in any way she could.

"I'll call a cab"  
He said, kissing her cheek and walking out of her room.

She gave herself one last look in the mirror, smoothing out her hair and trying to calm her racing heart. It wasn't a big deal, just a few drinks with the country's most badass heroes. _That didn't help._ She rolled her eyes at herself and grabbed her dark brown cardigan in case it was cold outside, and walked out of her room after Spencer. She found him throwing on a navy blue cardigan and buttoning it up. He always wore cardigans or vests, she loved his sense of style.

He turned off all the lights in the apartment, and took her hands in his. They locked the door and walked out to the cab waiting for them at the curb. They got in and sat in silence the entire car ride. She admired the city lights painting the night sky. She never got the chance to see the lights like that. She never been outside at night since she moved here, the world was scary. The cab dropped them off at their headquarters, and she was in awe at the beautiful building standing tall against the night sky. She always imagined what his office looked like, but she wasn't even close. The building was huge, and it was obvious the architecture was meticulously planned before they even built it. Spencer grabbed her hand and walked her inside, showing security his badge and getting a visitor sticker for her. He courted her through the lobby and they got on the elevator. Most of everything was dark, it was after hours so most of the building had the lights off. When the elevator doors open, she was bathed in startling white light. Spencer smiled at her.

"Yeah it doesn't get easier, they use really bright lights here"  
He chuckled.

As they were walking to wherever his office was, she saw a tall dark haired woman waiting for them. She was... beautiful. In every sense of the word. When the woman laid eyes on her, a strong sense of pride beamed across her face. She immediately walked over, shaking her head.

"Wow, you are beautiful. Reid did a good job"  
She said, wrapping her arms around her for a hug.

This shocked Cherish, but she gladly took the embrace. She never expected anyone to treat her so familiar seeing as they've never met, it eased her mind a bit.

"I'm Emily, I'm not sure if Reid has told you about anyone but I'm the captain here"  
She smiled warmly.

This gorgeous woman was Emily?

"Hello Emily. I'm Cherish, I'm so excited to finally meet you. Spencer always talks about you and the others"  
She said.

"All good things I hope. Follow me, the party is just about to begin, as usual we are waiting on the doctor"’  
Emily joked, leading them to an office.

It was huge, and there was people all talking amongst themselves and laughing. It was a bit overwhelming, but Spencer squeezed her hand to reassure her. She smiled and he led her to the drinks. She happily accepted the champagne glass he offered to her, she was going to need a few drinks to loosen up. As she was taking a drink, Spencer started talking to Emily. She noticed that they were immediately deep in conversation, and she didn't want to get involved and possibly drag them down to her pace so she decided to scan the room. She spotted JJ sitting at a desk, looking into her drinking glass. She took another drink and mustered up the courage to walk over and strike up conversation.

"Hey, JJ. You look gloomy, figured you would need some company"  
She said, leaning against the desk next to JJ.

"Thank you, it's just hard you know? I'm doing the best I can, but I just have those days"  
She smiled, looking up at her.

"You mean with Spencer? He was excited to see you tonight, go talk to him"  
She encouraged.

"Not just with Spence, with everything. I don't know what I was thinking, he's the Godfather to Henry. Will is insecure about Spencer now and I don't blame him. I could never apologize enough"  
JJ said, tears filling her eyes.

"JJ, you don't have anything to apologize for. You can't control your feelings, and those feelings were real."  
Cherish said.

"Do you really think so? We are professionals, I was the furthest thing from it..."

"Spencer was happy that things could go back to normal when you apologized. He still loves you very much"

"I don't deserve it. I'm so glad he does though, you have no idea.."

"Go talk to him. I know he was excited to see you tonight"

"...thank you. You really are perfect for him, you know that right?"

"Thank you, I try"

JJ gave her a hug, she clutched her hard trying to stifle back her tears. Cherish returned the embrace she gave her an encouraging push over to Spencer who was still talking with Emily. As she walked the blonde walk away, Rossi came over and stood next to her with two drinks in his hands.

"JJ is going through a lot right now, your support has worked wonders for her. Thank you for your patience"  
He said, offering her another glass.

She graciously accepted his offer, and smiled at him.

"I know that I can never understand the bond you all have, and I never want to impose. All I can do is try to keep it from falling apart. Spence loves everyone here dearly, it would break my heart if something happened"  
She explained, sipping from her glass.

"You're right about that, we've all been through a lot. We are happy to invite you to the little family here"  
Rossi said, patting her shoulder.

Rossi was a warm man. His presence was pleasant. He excused himself and joined the conversation with JJ and Spencer. She saw Emily approaching her, and decided to finish off her glass and set it behind her on the desk.

"How are you feeling?"  
The dark haired beauty asked.

"I'm feeling good, I'm so glad JJ and Spencer are okay"  
Cherish said.

"Me too. I offered JJ to take a few days off to have the chance to clear her head, and I think she's going to take it. I know it was weeks ago but i can see her still struggling. Thank you for your patience"

"Rossi said that too, don't thank me, I just want Spencer happy. I know a life without JJ, or any of you, is a miserable life in Spencer's eyes"

"JJ said that you were perfect for him, I think she was right. Just know that you are a part of this family, if there is anything you ever need, we are here for you"

"Thank you, that means a lot"

"If Reid ever screws up, you tell me and I will break his knees"

"I give you full permission to do that"  
Spencer chuckled, coming up out of nowhere.

They all laughed, and Emily embraced her again.

"Uh oh, looks who's here"  
Emily said, letting Cherish go and looking behind her.

Confused, Cherish turned around and saw a beautiful woman with a vibrant dress on and curly blonde hair pulled halfway back with a very exaggerated hair pin. She was staring wide eyed, frozen to the spot. It didn't take her long to bound her way over to them and pull Cherish into a soul crushed bear hug. This made her giggle.

"She's here. She's here oh my is she's finally here!"  
The woman exclaimed, cradling Cherish's face in her hands.

"Garcia, this is Cherish. Cherish, this is our tech analyst Penelope Garcia"  
Emily smiled.

"Penelope, I've heard so much about you. I'm excited to finally meet you"  
Cherish said.

Garcia was in complete awe. "Reid said you were beautiful but he was so wrong. So so wrong. You are beyond beautiful, like if God himself created you with pure sugar and spice and everything nice. Yours and Reid's babies are going to be unstoppable!"

This caused Spencer to choke on his drink, and Emily laughed. Cherish giggled and happily accepted the compliment. Garcia was so vibrant and full of energy, it was lovely. So so lovely.

"I honestly can't wait to see that. Can you imagine little Spencer's running around? The world wouldn't be able to keep up"  
Emily joked.

"Absolutely. And their Auntie Penelope would tell them all about their perfect Daddy and shower them with hugs and kisses until they get sick of me!"  
Garcia said excitedly.

The conversation was light, and easy to be a part of. Garcia was a lovely woman that filled the entire room with a light that she had never seen before. The party was a success. Everyone was in a great mood, and she felt completely welcomed. She met the entire team, and was so happy she got the chance to. They were warm, beautiful people who all cared greatly about her love, and was happy to have her around.

Luke slipped some flirty comments in a joking way, earning a aggressive hand slap to the arm from Garcia in a protective manner. The chemistry everyone had with each other was exhilarating. They all blended so well together even though they were all very different. She drank enough to get a little tipsy, which made her more open and fun in her opinion, but she didn't drink much. It was making her feel a little sick, so she drank water for the rest of the party. Normally alcohol didn't make her feel such a way, but she hasn't drank in weeks so it must have been hitting her a bit harder.

They stayed until a little past midnight, but Spencer could see her uneasiness and tried to call a cab, but she begged him to allow them to walk home. Their apartment wasn't far and she was positive the fresh air would make her feel better, and it did. As soon as she stepped outside into the city air, she breathed a sigh of relief. Her face was flushed by the alcohol and she clutched Spencer's arm smiling like a fool. They began walking home on the sidewalk of the busy street, and she took the time to admire the sounds and smells of the city in the night. They joked, they laughed, and enjoyed the night skyline. It was chilly, but not cold.

She was glad she wore a cardigan.

"I can't wait to get you home."  
Spencer said, squeezing her hand.

She tried to hide her blush, but failed. He leaned in and growled in her ear, nibbling on her ear lobe. She could not believe his bravery! How cheeky!

"Spencer! We are in public!"  
She giggled.

"What I'm thinking should not be public. I'm afraid we are going to have to handle this business behind closed doors"  
He smiled devilishly.

She gasped, if she wasn't tipsy she would be a hot mess. His words still have the same effect on her they always did, and she loved it. She loved being driven insane by the gorgeous man.

"Spencer I want ice cream!"  
She whined playfully.

"I'll get you ice cream as soon as I'm done with you."  
He murmured in her ear.

Her mind was blown by how incredibly far he's come. He was a gentle man, a sweet soul, but as soon as she appealed to his animalistic side, he was a greedy, selfish monster that she loved just as much as his softer side. She gives herself completely to him almost on-demand. He was spoiled by her, and she didn't care. He deserved it.

"Aw okay. Let's get home, it's getting late anyway"  
She said, resting her head on his arm.

"I promise we will go get ice cream tomorrow, I'll take you out. My treat"  
He smiled.

A date? With THE Spencer Reid? She could almost faint. Her heart soared and she could almost dance with glee. Spencer noticed the elevation in her mood and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. The drinks had him feeling good she bet, seeing him being so carefree and loose. It honestly was a beautiful night, with a beautiful person.

They arrived at their apartment in a mess of laughter and tipsy jokes. They stumbled through the door, giggling like school children. He led her to her bedroom and closed the door behind them. He pinned her against the door, his eyes drinking her in. She was already excited to fall victim to the predator that was Spencer. She was powerless to his touch.

He wasted no time, pulling off her cardigan while capturing her lips with his. Even being tipsy, he wasn't sloppy. His attention and focus was sharp, and she was the subject of it.

"I can't wait to hear my name on your lips"  
He smiled, biting her lip.

It made her weak in the knees. He unzipped her dress and shoved it down her legs onto the floor and allowing her to pull his cardigan off. He pulled her turtleneck off and ripped his button up open, popping buttons off. His tie was the only thing that remained on the upper half of his body, and she took advantage of that and gripped the tie in her hands and pulled him closer. His surprised chuckle sent a shiver down her spine. She took control and led him to the bed by the tie, falling on the bed and pulling him on top of her. She giggled, loving the look of surprise on his face. He pulled her tights off, leaving her with only her underwear and bra left.

He sat up as far she could let him with the tie around his neck, and looked at her. She could see the thoughts going through his head, the lust and need he had. He found himself back on top of her and biting her neck, ushering a soft gasp from her. He got to work, kissing all over her body, carefully maneuvering around the tie that limited him from straying too far. Cherish was in bliss, completely at his disposal.

She started feeling light-headed, and she chalked it up to be that she had a little too much to drink, even though she didn't really drink much. She tried to ignore it and focus on Spencer but it quickly turned to nausea and she quickly jumped up, pushing Spencer off of her and running to the bathroom. She began vomiting horrendously. She heard Spencer run after her and he was watching in concern from the door.

"What do I need to do? What do you need?"  
He asked.

He was no longer tipsy. He was completely alert and focused on her, which made her feel bad. She didn't want that type of attention from him. She couldn't even answer him, she could barely even get a breath. She vomited again, groaning in pain. She felt her stomach acid burning her throat.

"I'll get you some water. You might have drank too much"  
He said, darting out of the bathroom.

She nodded and flushed the toilet, grabbing the hand towel from the sink and cleaning her face. The nausea was strong, making her dizzy. She groaned as she tried to stand up. Spencer came in and handed her a glass of water, and she graciously accepted it. She quickly drank it and it made her feel worse. She immediately turned back to the toilet to vomit again. Spencer sat on his knees and rubbed her back, muttering sweet nothings in her ear in an attempt to make her feel better. She knew he was uncomfortable, being a huge germaphobe, so his presence made her feel better and loved.

"Th-thank you Spence"  
She said breathlessly, cleaning her face again.

"Are you okay?"  
He asked.

"Yeah, I-I'm fine. It just hit all of a sudden"  
She said, exhaling sharply.

She flushed the toilet again and sat back against the bathtub, trying to catch her breath. She was light-headed and dizzy, fighting off rolls of nausea that kept hitting her. Spencer helped her up, and led her to her bed. He fumbled through her dresser drawers, and pulled out an oversized t-shirt. He helped her put it on, and laid her down in the bed. He sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing her back. It soothed her, and helped fight off tue intensity of the nausea.

"Are you okay?"  
He asked softly.

"I'm okay, I think some sleep will make me feel better"  
She said, trying to reassure him.

"Let's get some sleep then. I'm going to sleep in here tonight to keep an eye on you"

He said, pulling the tie off.

She was sad to see the tie go, they were having fun a few minutes ago. He settled into bed behind her, spooning her to make her more comfortable. She was so comfortable, she was asleep in minutes


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **There are song lyrics in this chapter. I do not own them. They belong to the owners of said song. Thank you for reading, if you’ve made it this far!**

She woke up feeling better. She sat up, feeling for a fever and was relieved. She was fine. She stretched a little bit and turned to plant a kiss on Spencer's cheek, but she found her bed empty. Confused, she wandered through the house to look for him. She checked the bathroom, his bedroom, and the kitchen. He was nowhere to be seen. Confused, she checked her phone for messages in case he had texted her. Nothing. Where did he go? Did she remember the party wrong? Did he have to go to work today?

"Spence?"  
She called out.

Nothing. She walked into the bathroom and took some Tylenol to fight against any possible hangover. She then went to the kitchen and steeped a teabag, and while she was waiting for it to finish, she texted Spencer.

_Hey, I noticed you weren't home. Are you alright?_

She closed her phone and set it on the counter so she could keep watch if he texted back. She grabbed the sugar and mixed it in her tea, enjoying the warmth cascading over her face from the cup. She loved drinking tea for many reasons, but the most important reason was for the cup itself. When it was warmed, it felt so good in her hands. It felt like a hug. It felt familiar, like home. She leaned on the counter, and took a drink. Her phone vibrates and she immediately checked it. A text had come through from Spencer.

_Yes I'm fine. I have a surprise. Be home soon._

She was relieved that he was okay. It wasn't like him to leave without telling her, for her own peace of mind. He knew she was a nervous person, with his job and all. She got excited however, he never had surprises. He was a precise, calculated person. He wasn't the type to do surprises. Her first instinct was to go get dressed, but she didn't have the energy. She didn't feel nauseated anymore, but she felt weak and tired from the sudden stress of the night before. 

She finished off her drink and placed it in the sink. She retreated to the couch and turned on the news out of habit. It was the same typical shit, the world was bad, the weather was hot, everything was bad. She sighed and muted the tv and looked out of the window. Life has been so perfect lately, she often wondered what she had done to deserve it. 

The front door opened, and she turned to see Spence balancing two ginormous ice cream cones and trying to close the door. She squealed in excitement, and sprung up from the couch to greet him. He handed her an ice cream cone and she kissed him excitedly. She gets to have ice cream for breakfast, what a treat! 

"I got you chocolate almond, your favorite. I couldn't remember what toppings you liked so I got them all"  
He laughed. 

She squealed again. "Spencer you remembered! Thank you so much, I can't tell you how long I've been craving this ice cream!" 

He seemed genuinely excited that she was excited. He loved seeing her happy for no other reason other than the fact she was happy. They sat on the couch and ate their ice cream together. He went to a milkshake shop and got the huge waffle cones that you almost had to hold with both hands. She instantly felt better. Spencer turned the tv on some crime show, and she got excited all over again. Sometimes they would watch crime shows and make fun of how cheesy and diluted they were. It was one of her favorite things to do with him. 

"I'm glad I could make you feel better, I hated seeing you so sick. I've never seen you get sick before it was alarming"  
Spencer admitted, stealing some of her ice cream. 

"You have no idea how much you improved my mood, thank you so much! I feel much better"  
She reassured him. 

The ice cream was wonderful. They watched their crime show and they were joking and sharing beautiful moments and creating inside jokes. He rarely had an off day, and when he did they usually played strategy games like chess and scrabble so he could teach her, but this? This was perfect. Normally, he would lose his mind about eating on the couch, but he made an exception for her. 

She was his exception. 

They finished their ice cream and washed their hands. The stickiness from the ice cream was almost too much to handle for the gorgeous man. 

"Thank you for getting me ice cream this morning that really meant a lot. What do you want to do today?"  
She asked, drying her hands on the kitchen towel. 

"Absolutely, I'm glad you feel better. I figure we can go to the park plaza. You rarely get out of the house so I figure you'd like some sunshine"  
He offered. 

"You are so perfect, I would LOVE to go outside. I can't believe how much I enjoyed walking home last night"  
She said. 

“The weather is supposed to be hot today, so don't dress too warm. We can head out as soon as you're ready"  
He smiled. 

She pulled him in for a quick embrace and darted to her room. She went into her closet and pulled out a beautiful white sundress she had been dying to wear. It went to her knees and was made of an airy soft white fabric that felt so good against her legs. The only thing about it was it hugged her chest really well because her breasts were bigger than normal people her height. The dress showed off the curve of her waist, and flowed over her hips and legs loosely. It was perfect for sunny weather. She had a beautiful sun hat that matched the dress, but wasn't sure if that was too much. She put it on in the mirror, and loved how it looked. Of course she did, that's why she bought it. She pulled her gladiator sandals out of the depths of the closet and slipped them on. They were taller than she liked, they reached halfway up her calves, but it finished the look perfectly. 

Satisfied with her outfit, she excitedly darted to Spencer's room to show off her outfit. As soon as she saw him however, she completely lost track of her thoughts. He was wearing a simple white t-shirt and khakis with his black dress shoes. This outfit was normal for most people, but Spencer always dressed up. To see him in such normal attire shocked her. He looked so amazing in them too. 

"You look amazing..."  
They both said at the same time. 

She looked overdressed compared to his outfit, but she didn't care. They both looked good and it was the perfect attire to go out on a sunny day. She took his arm as they headed out. She noticed a cab waiting for them. 

"Did you call a cab?"  
She asked. 

“Yeah I figured we should save our energy for the plaza, so I got a cab to take us there"  
He explained, opening the door for her. 

She graciously got in, relieved that they didn't have to walk the whole way there. They sat in silence on the way to their destination, just enjoying how beautiful the day truly was. It was the perfect day for a date. 

A date with her hero. Her god. 

When the cab arrived, Spencer paid him and they got out. The plaza was filled with bustling people and pets. Everyone seemed to be taking advantage of the weekend. There were food and drink vendors scattered across the plaza and park area, filling the air with different smells and sounds. It was an exciting atmosphere. They walked along the path and she admired the wildlife that surrounded them. She got nervous around a lot of people, but today she wasn't. She felt so serene and at peace with everything she didn't have room to feel nervous. 

The sun shining off the water bathed everything around it in an ethereal glow. It seemed right out of a fairytale. This was the break she needed from being cooped up all the time. She locked herself in a box and prevented herself from enjoying more days like this. More days of perfection. 

"Thank you for bringing me here. I know it's such a simple place, but I can't believe how beautiful it is. I'm going to miss it when we go home"  
She sighed wistfully. 

"We will cross that bridge when we come to it, I'm just glad to have you with me, right here, right now"  
He said, kissing her cheek. 

She couldn't help but blush, his lips were so soft. The tender gesture filled her with glee. 

"Me too Spence. I never knew this place was here. There are even entertainers scattered about, I wonder what they're playing..."  
She wondered, adjusting her sun hat to block the sun from her eyes. 

"Let's go find out"  
He smirked, leading her to one of the entertainers nearby. 

He was playing a soft ballad on an old acoustic guitar. The instrument has definitely had some love, a trusty sidekick to the players voice. She noticed that he had a hat turned upside down at his feet. It was so clichè and dated, but that made it even better. This man was just trying to make a little money to put on a show. His voice filled the atmosphere around him, catching the awe of bystanders and even some stray birds. 

"... _I will never let you fall, I'll stand up with you forever. I'll be there for you through it all, even if saving you sends me to heaven_..." 

Her heart danced in her chest. She clutched Spencer's arm and leaned against him, enjoying the music. He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her closer. He never cared about music so she was grateful that he stood by her and allowed her to be swept away by the notes. They held each other in silence, allowing the music to dance around them in the breeze. At this point there was a small crowd gathered around this man as he strummed his guitar. Spencer let go of her and approached the man, trying not to interrupt his singing, and placed a few bills in the mans hat. The man gave him a thankful nod as he walked back over to her. She thanked him for his generosity and they continued on their date. 

The song stayed with her as they enjoyed their day. Spencer bought her a lemonade and himself some water as it was getting hotter. It was approaching four o'clock, and Spencer suggested they stop for some lunch. They stopped by a food truck and she graciously thanked him for buying her food. They found a bench and she took off her sun hat and placed it next to her. The breeze filtered through her hair, causing her to sigh in relief. It was definitely hot, but she was happy to be out and about. They ate their food, enjoying the sound of music and the sounds of the plaza. 

When they finished, she had grown a bit tired all of a sudden so she asked Spencer if they could rest for a moment. 

"You do look fatigued. Do we need to go home?"  
He asked, eyeing her carefully. 

"Maybe in just a bit, I'm having a great time"  
She smiled. 

Spencer threw their food away in a nearby trash can, and they leaned on each other on the bench, enjoying each other's company. She found herself humming the same song as the entertainer was a while back. It was stuck in her head, but she didn't mind because it was a beautiful song. Her love didn't seem to mind either, he quietly listened to her. As more time passed, the sun started beating down on her harder, forcing her to put her sun hat back on. The sweltering heat made her more tired, and even a little queasy. 

"I think I'm ready to go home"  
She said, fanning herself with her hand. 

"I'll call a cab. I had an amazing day today, thank you"  
He said graciously, pulling his phone out. 

He called a cab. It didn't take one long to show up, and they headed home. The peace and serenity from their date stayed with her, burning into her heart forever. She would never forget her first date with Spencer. 

He really was perfect. 


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **There is sex in this chapter. Just a heads up.**

Even though they were only out for a few hours, she was exhausted. She was relieved when they arrived home. Spencer paid the cab and walked her inside, stealing her sun hat as she entered the apartment ahead of him. She looked back and saw him place it on his head. He stood proud, posing for her. He looked incredible in her sun hat. Not even in a goofy way, but it enhanced his softer side. He appeared almost feminine. She giggled and stole her hat back, placing it back on her head. She knew that there was no need to have it on indoors, but she just wanted to tease him. He chuckled and closed the front door, locking it behind him.

"Let's rent a movie, we can have a few drinks"  
Spencer said, taking off his shoes and placing them next to the door.

"You rarely drink, and you don't really watch movies. Are you trying to get me drunk your highness?"  
She joked, frisbeeing her sun hat into her room somewhere.

"It's doctor, and yes. I have a surprise for you tonight but I wanted to make sure you were comfortable"  
He admitted, winking at her.

"Oooo another surprise? I don't need to be drunk to be comfortable, I trust you completely Spence"  
She said, crashing on the couch.

"Good, because you need to know my only goal is to make you feel good."

His entire demeanor changed. She turned back to look at him, and noticed his shirt was off. He had something in his hands, and she got excited. He had picked up on sex quickly, he was easily much better than her now. He had been studying different types of sex and kinks just so he could understand hers more, and that made him an even better lover. Just thinking of his dominate attitude he's adopted make her weak. Looking at him standing behind her, she noticed he was no longer the sweet, gentle Spence. He was the greedy, predatory Spencer. The Spencer that could have her on her knees and be thanking him for it.

"You always make me feel good, Spencer. I'm so lucky to have a man that's so good at his job."  
She smirked.

She knew that Spencer loved praise. It fueled him, got him excited. She saw the fire in his eyes, the lust burning bright.

He pulled her off the couch, his eyes never leaving hers. He led her to his bedroom this time. She was shocked, but excited. He was getting more comfortable with her. He closed the door behind her and kissed her hard. She hit the door, melting under his lips. He pressed himself against her, his hand slowly tracing down her leg, gripping it and pulling it up to wrap around him. This pressed his throbbing bulge against her clit, making her inhale sharply in pleasure. Through their passionate exchanges of tongue and dominance, he bit her lip roughly. Pain and pleasure pierced her entire body, making her shiver. He propped an elbow on the door, grinding against her and watching her squirm underneath him. As soon as he learned to tease, it was his favorite thing to do. He loved being in control and watching her beg.

"S-Spencer..."  
She moaned in his ear.

He softly nibbled her neck and took a step back, planting both hands on either side of her on the door, trapping her to the spot. His eyes scanned her up and down, she could see the plans going through his head.

"You really want this don't you?"  
He asked lowly, almost growling.

Ah fuck. That voice. The greedy monster was taking over. It made her weak in the knees and she struggled to hold herself up.

"Y-yes please..."  
She begged.

"You want to give yourself to me, find out what kind of man I am?"  
He teased, his fingers slipping up her dress and gripping her thigh.

"Fuck.. yes Spencer I'll do anything.."  
She said, pulling him closer with the leg that was wrapped around him.

"Tell me what you want.."  
He trailed off, giving her a smoldering smirk.

That cocky bastard. He knew exactly what he needed to say and when to say it. Her hands found their way in his hair, pulling him down to share another kiss. She used the opportunity to bite his earlobe, earning a sharp exhale from the gorgeous god.

"I want you to use me, in any shape or form that you need. I'm all yours please use me"  
She begged again.

That's exactly what he needed to hear. He chuckled darkly and bit her neck again, sucking on it to leave a hickey. Her breath was hot and heavy, whispering curses of pleasure in his ear. He's barely touched her yet and she was already breathless. He had that power over her, and he knew it.

He opened his hand that had been hiding his surprise, and to her shock a shiny pair of metal handcuffs dangled off his fingers. Were those his work cuffs? He was going to use his work cuffs on her? Oh shit. She was really wet now, and he hasn't even done anything. He noticed her get flustered at the sight of the cuffs and bit his lip. He pulled her dress off and let it fall to the floor, admiring her bra and underwear.

"Go lay on the bed. Now."

She stumbled to the bed. Laying down and holding her wrists up for him to cuff her. He slid off his pants and crawled over her. He sat back on his knees and looked at her waiting in anticipation through hooded eyes. He dragged the cuffs over her exposed abdomen, causing her to hiss and jump due to the cold metal against her skin. He chuckled lowly at her heavy breathing and squirming. He slowly leaned down, gripping both of her wrists in his free hand, placing them against the headboard. He wrapped the cuffs around the headboard and cuffed her hands in them. She bit her lip as the satisfying clink of the cuffs locked her in place. Once he was satisfied with them, he loomed over her like a hungry predator. He was slowly letting himself go, giving into the monster that was begging to come out. He slowly leaned down inches from her face, locking eyes with her.

"You look...so hot when you beg for me."  
He said, exhaling slowly.

His breath cascading over her chest sent a shiver down her spine. Please Spencer, don't tease anymore. Please, just fuck her for what she's worth..

"You look hot when you talk to me like that. You know exactly how to break me down and want more"  
She said breathlessly.

"Oh, I'm going to break you alright."  
He smirked.

He snaked his hands under her ass and pulled her underwear off effortlessly. She started getting more excited, he sat back on his knees again, admiring her becoming a hot mess for him. She could see the huge bulge in between his legs and her thoughts were running wild.

"Please Spencer... I need you..."  
She begged.

"It's doctor."  
He corrected her.

She bit her lip. He had a kink after all.

"Please fuck me, Doctor."  
She smirked.

That was all it took. He completely let the monster take over. He growled and kissed her hard, shoving her head down into his pillows. The kiss was desperate, passionate. His fingers teased around her clit while they made out, making her moan into his mouth. He smiled and bit her lip, slipping two fingers inside of her. It sent electricity through her whole body, and she gasped. By now, he knew exactly what spots to hit that pleasured her the most. Her eyes rolled back and her head fell back into his pillows as she gave in to the pleasure. She bucked her hips to make his fingers go deeper, involuntarily moaning his name. Hearing his name from her lips fueled him. He leaned down to her neck again and gave her another hickey on the other side of her neck. She arched her back to press up against him and to allow his fingers to hit her sweet spot.

"Mm. You sound so sweet saying my name..."  
He murmured in her ear, pulling his fingers out of her.

She whined in protest, wanting more.

"Please Doctor..."  
She whined.

"Say my name."  
He said, spreading her legs open and opening the flap to his boxers to let his throbbing cock out.

She exhaled sharply seeing his cock. "Spencer..."

"Louder."

He wrapped her leg around him and positioned himself right at her entrance, waiting for her. Her heart was pounding in anticipation. Her body was on fire, all she wanted was to feel his cock spread her walls open like it always did.

"S-Spencer"  
She said louder, her breath hitched in the back of her throat.

"I want to hear you scream my name."

"Spencer please fuck me!"  
She begged loudly.

He smiled in satisfaction, and thrusted himself into her wet, throbbing pussy. She moaned loudly, arching her back. He filled her with unbelievable bliss. He started pounding into her mercilessly, completely giving in to his greedy side. She was completely weak under his power, riding out every stroke at his mercy in sweet ecstasy. She pulled at the handcuffs to match his rhythm, smiling at his stifled growls and aggressive grunting. His sounds were like a drug to her.

"Fuck. You feel so good."  
He grunted, gripping her hips to fuck her harder.

He was fucking her hard enough to make her bounce on his cock, and every stroke knocked her head into his headboard. The handcuffs were digging into her wrists, the pain bringing her even more pleasure. They were caught up in each other, sweet nothings slipping from their lips into each other's ears, the hard fucking. It was everything she loved. They both were sweaty, breathless, and insatiable. Spencer kept giving her hickeys, biting hard and no doubt leaving bruises. It was like a feeling of no other. She could see he loved the feeling of her breasts bouncing against his chest, so he would occasionally fuck her harder just to hear her scream his name and feel her breasts against his chest.

"Spencer I'm gonna—"

She was cut off by Spencer covering her mouth with his hands. Her eyes rolled back as she clutched the handcuffs, completely at his mercy.

"Good. I am too."  
He growled, tightening his grip on her face.

His low voice didn't help. The pleasure kept getting more intense with every stroke until she could barely stand it. She yanked him as close as possible with her leg and thrusted him deeper inside, causing her to cum on his cock. Her twitching and moaning sent Spencer over the edge and he came too. She could feel his cock throbbing as his cum filled her insides. It was hot and she felt it fill her insides. He removed his hand from her face and rolled his head back and gave in to the bliss, falling on the bed next to her. They both laid there panting, riding out the high of their orgasms.

After a few minutes of catching their breath, Spencer looked over at her. She was laid out on his bed, exposed, flushed, used, and breathless. She could see the lust in his eyes build up again, but he suppressed it. He got up from the bed and picked up his pants, going through the pockets for the keys to the cuffs. He fished them out and uncuffed her. She rubbed her wrists, admiring the bruising they caused. When she said she liked rough sex she meant it, she even liked sex that was even more rough than what they just did.

"How are your wrists?"  
He asked, examining them.

"They are perfect. How do you know so much about kinky sex?"  
She asked in awe.

"I know everything."  
He said simply, putting his cock back into his underwear.

She giggled and got off the bed, kissing Spencer's cheek as she walked to the bathroom to clean up. She cleaned up the best she could, flushed, and walked back into Spencer's room. She picked up her dress from the floor and put it on not even bothering with putting on her underwear. She ventured to the kitchen for a drink of water, Spencer following her trail. They both grabbed a glass of water and drank it desperately. She didn't realize just how thirsty she was until the first drop hit her tongue. It washed her fiery insides and helped her cotton mouth. She sighed in satisfaction and set her now-empty glass on the counter.

"I will never get over how sex wears you out and how thirsty you get"  
He said, placing his glass in the sink.

"Right? It's a work out"  
She smiled.

He grabbed her waist, pulling her into a tender embrace. She rested her head on his chest, enjoying his warmth and listening to his heartbeat. He stroked her hair, slowly rocking back and forth with her in his arms. She felt so safe and secure, like she was home.

He was her home.

"There's something I've been wanting to say."  
He whispered in her ear.

"Hmm? What is it Spence?"  
She asked, not even bothering to lift her head from his chest.

She was comfortable, everything was perfect.

"I think I'm falling in love with you."


	17. Chapter 17

Everything stopped. His words hung in the air, filling her lungs with their sweet nectar. Spencer noticed her change in demeanor and stepped back, watching her, trying to understand what she was feeling. That was it. Those were the words she always wanted to hear, the words she lived by every single day. She couldn't stop the tears from filling her eyes, she couldn't catch her breath. It felt like it had been sucked out and replaced with his words.

His... beautiful words.

She was at a loss. Her mind was racing, her heart jumped into her throat. The tears were flooding down her cheeks, raising a look of concern out of the gorgeous man. He was doubting himself, she could see it. He was never an insecure man, but she could see it written all over his face.

Just say something.

"I...I-I love you too Spencer... I always have"  
She stuttered, giving into the tears.

His face lit up. She knew the only time he ever felt insecure about himself was with Mauve, but this was different. She was the exception.

She was his exception.

She started sobbing in pure happiness, falling to her knees because she could no longer hold herself. He said it. He said it. He _finally_ said it.

He loved her.

Spencer caught her in his arms and they both fell to their knees together. His face- usually void of emotion- was full of happiness, disbelief, and relief. He was silently laughing in shock, holding her close. He was lending her his strength, because he knew that she wouldn't be able to hold herself together. He knew she was an extremely emotional person. Her heart was racing, she was struggling to catch her breath between her soft sobs in his hair and neck.

"I know you have, thank you for being patient with me and loving me all the same"  
He murmured in her ear.

She hardly heard what he said, her heart was pounding so fast she could barely breathe. Her paradise was right in front of her, holding her in its arms of sunshine and love. She clutched onto him, scared that if she ever let go he would be gone forever.

"I...I feel sick"  
She gasped breathlessly.

Spencer pulled back and looked at her face, and immediately darted to the trash can and brought it back to her just in time for her to vomit everything she ate from their date. Her heart wouldn't slow down, it made her dizzy. Waves of nausea came out of nowhere and she vomited again. Here was one of the greatest moments in her life and she was ruining it. She gave an apologetic look to Spencer before vomiting in the trash can again. She groaned in pain as the acid started burning her throat. Spencer's face suddenly dropped from concern to surprise. He jumped up, causing a look of confusion from Cherish.

"I think I know why you're throwing up."  
He said.

Before she could say anything, he ran to the bathroom and she heard him rumbling through the medicine cabinet. She pushed the garbage can away from her, taking a deep breath. The nausea and dizziness was still strong, but she was thankful that she had stopped throwing up. She reached up to the counter and grabbed the kitchen towel to wipe her face. Spencer came out of the bathroom, holding his breath. He kneeled in front of her, and tucked her hair behind her ear. He seemed a bit pale, but excited. He handed her a small box, and she immediately started laughing. It was a pregnancy test.

"Spence why do you have this?!"  
She laughed.

"The first time you threw up, I grabbed one on the day after. I wanted to have it just in case"  
He explained, trying to hide his smile.

"That's really sweet Spence, but I paid seven hundred dollars for my birth control. It lasts 10 years"  
She explained, smiling at the box like an idiot.

"When did you have it installed?"  
He asked.

"A little over a year ago, my mother wouldn't let me move here until I had it done"  
She said, grabbing his hand and kissing it.

He seemed disappointed, but he quickly masked it like he normally did.

"Please just take it, it'll make me feel better."  
He said, kissing her cheek.

"I will, to ease your mind. I am... so happy that you love me"  
She said incredulously.

"I can't believe that I just admitted my feelings for you and now my whole life is going to change. OUR lives are about to change"  
He said, sitting up against the counter.

His eyes were wide, it was his turn for his thoughts to run wild and his heart to race. She giggled again, looking down at the box. There was no way she could be pregnant. Her team of doctors back home told her that her pelvic inflammatory disease had caused too much scarring to ever hope to conceive a child. She inherited it from her poor mother, who had to get a total hysterectomy due to cervical cancer caused by the scarring. If she was actually pregnant, she would have to go into emergency surgery to have the birth control removed and that type of invasive surgery would drastically drop the mortality rate of the pregnancy. She didn't like those odds, but looking at Spencer's excited/terrified face she secretly hoped she was. She would be so elated to carry the infamous Spencer Reid's baby...

"I'm... im going to go take this.."  
She said, taking a deep breath.

She got up and carefully stepped over a disassociating Spencer. As she stepped past him, she felt his hand grip her wrist. She looked at him, trying to calm her racing thoughts. There were tears building in his eyes.

"I love you. I'm right here with you."  
He encouraged her, smiling through his tears.

She smiled back and squeezed his hand, reassuring herself more than him. Her mind was racing, her heart was squeezing the life out of her chest. He kissed the back of her hand with shaking lips, and let her go. She soaked in the gorgeous man falling apart in a ball of anxiety on the floor one last time before she took the mile long walk to the bathroom. Time seemed to slow down as she closed the bathroom door. It was like an out of body experience. She leaned against the door, taking a deep breath to stabilize herself. The box felt so heavy in her hand, like it was made of lead. She clutched onto it for dear life, fearing that she would drop and break it.

The entire time she followed the directions on the pregnancy test, she couldn't help but smile at the silly idea that she could even be pregnant. She accepted her fate of not being a mother years ago. When she finished and put the urine sample on the test, she placed it flat on the sink and finished up. She flushed the toilet and stood up, smoothing out her dress. She stood in front of the test, frozen to the spot. Every second that passed by felt like an eternity. She was certain she wasn't pregnant, but it was completely unnerving. She couldn't control her breathing or her pounding heart. She heard Spencer shuffling to the bathroom, she heard his deep breath on the other side of the door. She looked at him as he opened the door. He was pale, shaking, but his eyes were bright. Excited.

"What does it say?"  
He asked softly.

"I...I don't know. It's not done yet. Please, just don't get your hopes—"

"It's positive"  
He exhaled, pushing past her and picking up the test.

Everything stopped. She lost her breath, losing all thestrength she had. She fell to the floor on her knees, her thoughts blending together until her ears starting ringing. Did... Did he just say it was positive? No... It couldn't be. She looked up at him, he was breathless, shaking, pacing, and crying. His eyes were wide, he ran his shaky hands through his hair. He was muttering to himself, but she couldn't make out what he was saying. It was muffled, like she was sinking underwater. She was sinking down

_Down_

_Down_

So far down that she could no longer reach him. He was in the real world, clashing with reality and she was trapped at the bottom of this sea. She was drowning in her disbelief, the absolute miracle that she was pregnant. There was just no way.

"...is going to go crazy. Cherish, do you know what this means?"  
Spencer laughed, wiping tears from his eyes.

His voice reached out to her, wrapping around her and pulling her out of the depths of her personal sea. She was drowning, and he saved her. She looked at him, tears spilling on the floor. He noticed her falling apart and kneeled down next to her, cupping her face in his hands.

"Are you okay?"  
He asked in concern.

"I can't believe it Spencer... I'm pregnant"  
She admitted, more to herself than to him.

They both collapsed into each other in a mess of tears and they whispered sweet nothings while they processed everything.

"You're pregnant. Oh my god you're pregnant..."  
He laughed incredulously.

The realization hit her. She was pregnant! Her life dream was now a reality, but now was the hard part.

"Spencer, I have to have emergency surgery."  
She said.

"What? Why?"  
He asked, frightened.

"My IUD. If this pregnancy stands a chance I have to get it out, and that surgery might—"

"Terminate the pregnancy... I see. What do you want to do?"  
He asked, standing up and smoothing out his hair.

"I want to have a baby with you."  
She smiled.

He helped her off the floor and pulled her into a kiss.

"Then let's get you into surgery."


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **This chapter is in Spencer’s point of view. I know it’s odd, I’m sorry. Thank you for reading.**

The drive to the hospital felt long. Every second that ticked by felt like an hour. The streetlights blurred together in a neon string that followed them on their journey. Despite the beautiful night, his mind was only on one thing. Cherish. He tried not to look at her seeing as she wore her emotions and thoughts on her sleeve. He wanted her to have her privacy; It was too easy to read her mind. Instead, he focused back on the city lights outside of the cab window fiddling his thumbs.

He let his thoughts run free. This day was a great day; he told her how he really felt about her and found out he was going to have a child. Never in a million years did he ever see himself as a father. He was too damaged to project himself onto another person, especially a child. He wondered how he would tell his mother. Just imagining her reaction made him smile. She always wanted to be a grandmother, or so she said. He was happy, of course he was happy, but there were hundreds of other emotions filling his head. Complete shock, disbelief, excitement, fear, and well... everything.

On the other hand, he was worried about Cherish. The news sent her into a disassociative shock. He had researched her birth control rather quickly while she had changed for the doctors office. The probability for her to survive the surgery was high, but the mortality rate for the pregnancy was really low. The sooner he got her into surgery, the better chance the pregnancy had to sustain the fetus.

"Spence, we are here"  
Came her soft voice.

He quickly crashed back into reality, and saw the hospital's neon lights blinking against her pale face. She was nervous, scared even. She looked so lovingly in his eyes, trying to reassure him more than herself. She was always so selfless, doing everything she could for his sake and expected nothing in return. Her love was so vibrant and warm, it made him feel special. Better than he had in a very long time.

Now it was his turn to be selfless for her.

"Let's see what we can do. Everything is going to be okay, I'm here with you"  
He comforted her, giving her a tender kiss.

They both got out of the cab and he paid the cab driver. He nodded in appreciation and drove off, leaving them alone in the cool night. He reached over and intertwined his fingers with hers, the feeling of her soft fingers relaxed him. He tried to appear strong and fearless for her, but deep down he was nervous. All the trauma he had endured in his life, his mind was immediately assuming the worst and he didn't want to lose her. They walked in and he explained to the receptionist why they were there and who they were seeing, and she buzzed them in.

Cherish clutched his hand when they walked through the door. The sounds and smells of a normal hospital filled the air, and it triggered a fearful response from her. She was already pale and shaking, her eyes darting around trying to ground herself. He hated seeing her like this, but he honestly didn't know what to do without knowing why she was scared of hospitals.

"Why are you scared of hospitals?"  
He asked.

It was more of a statement than a question, and even worse it threw her off. She looked at him trying to mask her emotions, but failed. She sighed and tucked that soft, beautiful hair behind her ear and looked at the floor.

"When my brother was hit head on by a drunk driver, he died before he ever reached the hospital. My other brother couldnt take it, so he hung himself on the oak tree in our backyard. When I found him the next morning, they brought him to a hospital. The last time I saw either of them was in a hospital with all those machines and wires on him. Jonathan was dead, and he had that horrible sheet over his face. Evan... Well, Evan was dead, but the machines were keeping him breathing.."  
She explained softly.

His heart broke for her. He never would have guessed she had been through that trauma, she had never shown any signs of it. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close, completely at a loss for words. She took comfort in his gesture and welcomed the embrace. They walked to the doctors office in silence, but he was okay with that. Silence was their normal. When they arrived, she knocked on the door. The doctor opened it, and welcomed them both inside and shut the door behind them.

"Hello, I'm Doctor Morris and I'm going to be overseeing this procedure"  
He smiled, sitting back in his seat and opening a folder that he assumed was her medical chart.

"Hi, I'm Cherish, and this is Spencer. I'm the one who spoke with you on the phone"  
She said nervously.

"I know who you are Ms. Reynolds, Doctor Reid here is a good friend of mine," he chuckled, "I looked over your chart and I'm as surprised as you are about the pregnancy."

"It's rare, but possible. We couldn't believe it either"  
Spencer smiled.

"You're absolutely right. Now Cherish, your chart says that you've struggled with PID in the past, were you ever told the extent of the damage?"  
Dr Morris asked, looked over at her.

PID? What was that? She never told him about struggling with anything.

"I was told that everything was scarred, that I would never get pregnant."  
She explained.

She was fighting tears again. He placed his hand on her back to comfort her, but it was all he could do. He hated feeling so helpless.

"Wow, so this miracle really is a miracle isn't it? I won't be able to do anything until I can see for myself, so I'm going to ask you to step into room 6 and get undressed. There will be a gown in there, put it on and I'll be right with you"  
Dr Morris explained.

She nodded and looked at Spencer, her eyes begging him not to let her be alone. He stood up to walk her to the room, but Doctor Morris stopped him.

"Oh uh, Doctor Reid. I have to ask you to stay here until we are done, seeing as you two are not married I cannot release any medical information I may find or she discloses to me. She will be right back"  
He reassured him.

His heart thumped hard in his chest. He knew the doctor was only doing his job, but an irrational anger boiled in his chest. The strong urge to protect her from everything was clouding his judgement. Maybe because she was now not only his girlfriend, but the mother of his child. Doctor Morris noticed his anger, and gave him a warm smile and he put his hand on his shoulder.

"I promise to take care of her Doctor Reid. As soon as we are done I'll let you come in the room. Just sit tight for a few moments"  
He said, squeezing his shoulder and leaving the office.

He was alone. It wasn't good when he was angry and alone. His thoughts always went to a bad place when he was like this, so he decided to call someone to distract himself. He pulled out his phone, and dialed for Emily. He needed to call out of work for tomorrow anyway.

"Hey Reid"  
Came Emily's voice after the first ring.

"I need a favor."  
He said, not wanting to give too much information in case the surgery went bad.

"Okay, what is it?"  
"Do you think I could take tomorrow off?"

"On what grounds?"

"I can't really talk about it, but it's Cherish. She really needs me right now"

"Okay, you can have tomorrow off if you tell me what's going on when it's right. Keep me posted."

"I will. Thank you"

He hung up the phone, but he was still frustrated. He sighed and put his phone in his pocket and began pacing. He started tuning through the statistics of every scenario, trying to figure out what Cherish's chances were. He didn't know what PID is, but she said it did a great deal of damage and she thought she lost her fertility because of it. That means that she was high risk for the pregnancy, making her high risk for the surgery. The more he ran through the facts, the more the odds stacked against her. That didn't help anything. He ran his fingers through his hair, growing agitated.

"Dr Reid? She's ready. I'll explain more when you're in there. She granted permission to discuss the procedure with you in the room."  
Dr Morris said, coming in the doorway out of nowhere.

Spencer nodded thankfully at him and immediately walked to room 6. As soon as he saw her, all his frustration melted away. She looked tired, but still as beautiful as ever. She was wearing a gown and all of her clothes were strewn over a chair on the other side of the room. She was relieved to see his face. Her eyes were burning full of love and excitement, she reached up to him and he embraced her. When he pulled back, she clutched his hand for support. They didn't say anything, they didn't need to.

"So, after seeing the extent of the damage myself I have some news. There is scarring of the tissue on almost 70% of the cervix and vagina canal, but that's as far as I can see. I'll be able to see more when I take out the paraguard."  
He explained, scanning over her chart.

"What does that mean, exactly?"  
He asked.

"It means that if there is no scarring in the uterus itself, the pregnancy should be viable. She will just have to have a c-section birth because her cervix is almost completely shut and won't open any more."  
Dr Morris said.

"I'm okay with a c-section. I really want this pregnancy.."  
Cherish said, placing her hand on her abdomen.

"I'll do everything in my power to make this quick so we can see if the pregnancy will make it through the procedure. Now Dr Reid, I'm going to have to ask you to wait in my office while I do this."  
Dr Morris said firmly, opening the door.

He swallowed his anger again and leaned down to kiss Cherish. "I love you. Everything is going to be alright."

She nodded and he left. He walked back into the doctors office. Before he had the chance to do anything his phone rang. He looked at the Caller ID and it was Garcia. He took a deep breath to calm himself and answered the phone.

"Spencer are you okay? Why are you and Cherish at the hospital? I have JJ and Emily with me and we are on our way!"  
Came the terrified voice of the blonde.

"Everything is okay, we are fine. There is no need to come down here."  
He said trying to calm her down.

"Up bup bup! We are almost there there is nothing you can do stop me I'm going to get to the bottom of this don't you worry!"  
She said, hanging up.

He pulled the phone away from his ear. Wondering how they found out about their whereabouts. He shoved the phone in his pocket and took a deep breath, running his hands through his hair. He noticed he only did that when he was getting overwhelmed, but he couldn't help it. He really didn't want his team to find out just yet. He wanted to make sure Cherish and the fetus would make it through the surgery. He wanted a chance to enjoy and celebrate their little family before anyone else could. His team were masters at their jobs, they would figure it out in seconds. He just wanted one second. Just one.

"Reid! Oh my god thank god you're okay! Where's Cherish? What's going on? Why are you two here?"  
Garcia frantically asked, pulling him into a hug.

He hugged her back, and for a moment he felt better. Seeing his teammates there made it easier. He knew he couldn't lie to them, so he took a deep breath and looked them all in the eye.

"Cherish is pregnant."

All three girls gasped and celebrated. Garcia started crying in disbelief, and he noticed tears in JJ's eyes but he knew those were for a different reason. Not a reason he wanted to get into right now, so he willfully ignored it and smiled at his family. Emily was in shock and pulled him in for a hug.

"Oh my god I can't believe it! You're going to be a dad.."  
Emily said, unable to contain her excitement.

"Spence... I don't even know what to say. I'm so happy for you"  
JJ smiled through her tears, hugging him hard.

She lingered for a minute, clutching onto him like she was memorizing how he felt in this moment, as if she would never see him again. Garcia and Emily were talking excitedly amongst themselves. The energy in the room was crackling between them.

"I have to call everyone, this is big!"  
Garcia smiled, pulling out her phone.

He quickly stopped her. "Do you mind waiting? I want to see how everything looks when Cherish is out of surgery"

Their smiles fell, and it got quiet again. Normally he wouldn't mind the quiet but it was too unnerving right now.

"Surgery? What do you mean surgery? Why is she having surgery?"  
Garcia demanded.

"Cherish has a birth control IUD and she had to have it taken out in order to continue with the pregnancy"  
He explained softly.

"Spence that means-"

"I know. I know. That's why I didn't want to tell anyone until we knew for sure everything was going to work out. The doctor has some confidence that it will"  
He reassured, more himself than them.

They all shared the same concerned look, and Garcia hugged him again, reassuring him that everything was going to be fine and not to worry. He took comfort in her naïveté. They all sat down, the girls kept talking to him to distract him from how slow the clock was moving. He tried to keep up but he couldn't help but worry. The doctor said that her cervix was almost completely closed up, which meant to take out the iud he would have to put her under and cut her open. For such a small device the cut wouldn't be big, but it would be painful. He would have to take care of her for a few days until she was strong enough to take care of herself. He smiled to himself. He knew that she would fight him every step of the way to make sure she was independent so he didn't have to do anything. The next few days were going to be challenging, but worth it. They were going to start a family. He was going to be a father. That thought was still foreign to him. He chuckled softly. He was going to be a father.

They were interrupted by the doctor walking into the office. Spencer immediately stood up and scanned him for answers. He was smiling so that meant something good.

"I see we have some visitors! Hi girls! I'm going to borrow Doctor Reid for just a moment, I'll give him right back"  
Smiled Dr Morris.

Spencer gave a hopeful glance to the girls and followed the doctor to Cherish's room. She was still asleep, but her vitals were fine. He felt relieved. She was okay. He knew she would be okay, but he couldn't help himself.

"So I got the bloodwork back. She is still showing pregnant after the procedure, which is good, but you guys will have to be vigilant and take home tests for the next few days to keep track of the pregnancy in case something happens. Congratulations Dr Reid, you're going to be a father"  
He beamed, cupping his shoulder in celebration.

Spencer felt tears in his eyes, and he smiled incredulously. It was finally hitting him. He was going to be a father! He rushed over to Cherish's side and clasped her cold hand in his. He took his free hand and tucked her hair behind her ear.

"I'm going to be a dad Cherish... thank you for making this possible"  
He cried softly, kissing her cheek.

He wiped his eyes and rushed back to the office where the girls were waiting with anticipation. They all cheered when they saw his dumb happy expression.

"Spencer is going to be a dad!"  
They all cried in unison.

They all cried together, and Garcia immediately got her phone out and started calling everybody but he didn't care. Everything around him slowed down, all he could see was a side view of Cherish laying on that hospital bed and how beautiful she was. The love of his life, the mother of his child. He was going to be a father. Another round of hugs was spread around the four. There was crying and cheering, but he couldn't hear any of it. He was too busy focused on the future, and all of the wonderful changes that was about to turn his life upside down.

He was going to be a father.


	19. Chapter 19

She awoke to cheering and excited hush whispering. When she first opened her eyes, she noticed how blurry everything looked. Her eyelids were heavy, and she honestly could just sleep even more. She saw several people's silhouette in her room, they all looked familiar.

"Hey Spencer she's waking up"  
Came the females voice closest to her.

Was that Garcia? She noticed Spencer's wild hair push through the crowd of people and he stood next to her bed, grabbing her hand. He was so warm, so gentle. It made her relax. She felt his lips press against her temple, and everyone in the room gave the embarrassing collective "awe!" She felt his slight chuckle and his fingers running through her hair. He didn't say anything, he didn't have to. He was allowing for her to fully wake up before bombarding her with questions and giving her the good or bad news.

"She's already glowing. Look how perfect she is"  
Came Garcia's voice. She recognized it now.

"You guys are already a beautiful family. You better put a ring on that finger or I will"  
Laughed Emily.

"Our world is going to be interesting from now on"  
Rossi said.

Her vision was starting to focus. She saw everyone surrounding her bed, and was overwhelmed by the relieved and happy faces. This surgery wasn't even a big deal but they all came anyway. She was so proud that Spencer had that bond with his work family, that he had that support system.

"I'm so glad you're awake, how do you feel?"  
Spencer asked, leaning in close so she could see his face clearly.

He was so beautiful, just seeing him lit a beacon in the room. He was beaming and overfilled with emotions that he couldn't process, and she could see each one.

"I feel fine. How did the surgery go?"  
She asked hoarsely.

"I'll get you some water"  
Simmons said, ducking out of the room.

"The surgery went fine. The bloodwork is saying that you're still pregnant after the procedure, but for the next few days you have to be on bed rest and take a pregnancy test every day for 5 days to make sure that you don't miscarry"  
Spencer explained.

She saw the tears of happiness in his eyes. Her mind was asking a million questions, but she pushed them down and just enjoyed the moment. She was pregnant! She never thought this day would come... it was a dream come true. With Spencer's baby?! The thought left her breathless.

"I can't believe I'm actually pregnant..."  
She whispered, rubbing her abdomen in disbelief.

Everyone was smiling and Garcia was practically bouncing all over the room in excitement. Simmons came back in the room holding a cup of water and Spencer graciously took it for her and thanked him. The water felt so good on her throat. They all talked and shared congratulations with her for what seemed like hours. She didn't know how late it was, but by judging how tired everyone looked she shooed them all out to go home and get some sleep. At first they didn't want to listen to her, but eventually they all left saying their goodbyes and wishing them luck. As they all walked out, Dr Morris walked in.

"Look who's up! How do you feel?"  
He asked.

"I'm sore, my throat hurts"  
She smiled, gripping Spencer's hand.

"I'm surprised not more of you is sore. I had to make a small incision to get the IUD out. The pain won't be unbearable but try to take it easy until it heals, you don't want to jostle anything"  
Dr Morris explained.

"Not a problem. I don't feel like moving too much myself"  
She joked, sipping on the water Simmons brought her.

"I bet. I'm going to step out and let you get changed, and then you're free to go. I'm going to be at my office if you need anything, but if not, I hope you guys have a great night. Congratulations again you two"  
Dr Morris beamed.

Spencer thanked him and closed the door after him. He grabbed her clothes and placed them on the end of the bed. She blushed. He intended on helping her get dressed. Even though they have both seen each other naked plenty of times, they both still blushed at each other's nudity. He was gentle as he pulled off her gown. He didn't bother putting her bra on her, and just slipped her shirt on. He defended it by telling her that it was late and nobody was going to see her that mattered. She giggled and went along with it as he slipped on her underwear and pants. Once she was dressed, she gathered her bra in her hand the best she could, and they left. He held her free hand tight as the walked through the hospital, no doubt trying to comfort her fear of hospitals from the trauma she mentioned before. Thinking of her brothers made her heart sink a little bit. They would never met their niece or nephew, and she knew she would never get over that.

"So what do we do now?"  
He asked, opening the front door of the hospital to let her out.

"About what?"  
She asked, distracted by her gloomy thoughts.

"The baby. Do we tell everyone, or keep it to ourselves?"  
He asked.

"Well, I'm a private person and I don't like everyone knowing my business, but here's the thing. I managed to trap the hottest man on gods green earth and I'm having his baby. I want to shout it from the rooftops so everyone will know that you're mine."  
She admitted, blushing.

"Am I yours?"  
He joked, lifting one eyebrow at her.

"Well, we've never made it official but pretty much. Unless I have read this whole situation wrong, and if that's the case, this is embarrassing"  
She retorted.

They both softly laughed, and leaned on each other waiting for a cab. The weather was cool, the breeze toyed with Spencer's wild hair making him look majestic. She admired the beauty that this one man possessed.

"I would like to tell my mom"  
She said, looking up at him.

"Of course, I want to tell my mom too. After this week of bed rest is over, we will fly out to our mothers cities and tell them"  
He smiled, flagging down the cab.

That made her happy. She loved the idea of telling her mom in person. They both got in the cab and silently enjoyed each other's company on the way home. It had been a long day and she was tired, and looking at Spencer she could tell he was tired too. When they got home, Spencer helped undress her and get into bed, and he followed suit. They laid together, watching the night sky through her window and just talking until they fell asleep.

She was honestly scared she would wake up the next morning and find out it was all a dream.


	20. Chapter 20

“Are you packed and ready?"  
Spencer asked.

He leaned against her bedroom door frame, watching her neatly pack a suitcase. She was nervous, it was time to fly back to her hometown and announce the pregnancy to her family. Yesterday, they went to the facility that Spencer's mom, Diana, was staying at. Spencer was a nervous wreck, expecting the worst. He had warned her that her disease was escalating, and that she would not know who they were most likely. When they walked in, he was squeezing her hand for comfort and support. He was prepared for anything, but not what they walked in on. She had jumped up and called him by name, perfectly coherent for the first time in a very long time.

He cried, and held onto his beautiful mother while they talked and laughed together. They played chess, and they talked about Spencer's childhood. She was a doctor, very smart and beautiful. Very funny. She could see where Spencer got his charm, he was a direct product of his mother. We had stayed all day, and when he told Diana that he was having a baby, she burst into tears and hugged Cherish hard. She held them both in her arms and cried, thanking her lucky stars that Spencer found someone. Before it was too late. Spencer knew what this sudden coherence meant, so he enjoyed every second with his mother. It was a truly wonderful day.

"Yeah, uhm, I'm ready," she said, zipping up the suit case, "I'm just nervous about being home again. I promised I would never go back, too many bad memories."

Spencer held his hand out, reaching for her suitcase. She handed it to him, taking a deep breath. She wasn't ready to go back, but he needed to know her roots if he was going to be around her for the rest of his life. That made her smile.

The rest of his life.

"I'll be there with you the whole time, it's time I met your family since you met mine. I actually can't wait to meet your mom"  
He smiled, kissing her cheek.

"We will see."  
She giggled.

They got all their belongings together, and left. They rode in silence to the airport, boarded their plane, and they were homeward bound. This was her first time on a plane in a long time, and she was a bundle of nerves. Spencer tried to calm her down with facts and statistics on planes and crashes but it didn't help. He noticed her discomfort and stopped.

"Have you ever seen the east side of the country? Specifically the south?"  
She asked, hoping that it wouldn't scare him off.

"I have, I travel all over the country for work. I haven't intentionally made a trip to the south no"  
He chuckled.

"Good. I'm from a small town, and it's a nightmare. It has its small places and beautiful tokens, but it's not anything I miss."

"It's so odd to think you came from such a place. Your speech and dialogue suggests you come from a wealthier side of the country. You really uprooted yourself and completely left behind all you knew didn't you?"

"I tried. I really tried. Everyone knew me after my brothers died, I became sort of a small celebrity. A spectacle. So don't be surprised if people start taking pictures"

"I'm used to that. Do you have any other siblings?"

"Yes, they still live in my mothers house. I have a younger brother and a younger sister. Please for the love of god do not leave me after you hear the stories they have to tell"

They laughed together. It was a normal conversation, and she could tell that he needed it. His job was plenty exciting enough, so she was his relief from that.

She was his normal.

Spencer was her excitement. She came from a simple town that the most exciting thing that ever happened was the old haunted barn being burned down by partying teenagers. She was used to normal. Simple. Unexciting. Spencer's job was different, his spontaneity gave her life just enough excitement to balance each other out.

He was her excitement.

"Is there something you're looking forward to? When we arrive I mean"  
Spencer asked, grabbing water bottles from the flight attendant.

"Honestly? The food. There's nothing like authentic southern food. I'll take you to my favorite place"  
She smiled, taking a water bottle from him graciously.

"Sounds good. What are your younger brother and sister like? You never talk about them"

"Well, Emesis is the older one of the two. She's a dental hygienist for our singular dentist in the whole town. Jason? Well, Jason is the owner of the local cemetery. He spends his days taking care of his older brothers, just like they took care of him"

"Wow. Do you know what Emesis is?"

"Yes, someone told my mom it meant somewhere along the lines of serene and peace as an act of revenge. When she found out it was too late. Emesis was PISSED"

"I cannot imagine how that conversation went. You all couldn't be any more different huh?"

"Yeah, you could say that. Jonathan wanted to be military. It meant a lot to him to protect and serve those who couldn't do it themselves. We all cried when he told us. Evan...poor Evan had no direction in life. When Dad left, he took Evans heart with him. He was never the same. Right up to the end"

"I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how hard things must have been for you...What did you do when you lived there?"

"I did work at a flower shop, but I quit to take care of mom when she got sick."

Spencer saw her growing uneasiness, and decided not to press her further. The memories that she fought for years to shove down into the depths of her mind were flowing back. Good and bad memories alike. She took a deep breath to compose herself, determined to not let herself fall apart before they even landed. She slipped her fingers through his and brushed her thumb over the back of his hand. She took her time memorizing every vein, every scar, every crack. She often did this to ground herself when her mind started to drift. Spencer enjoyed her touch, and he watched her study his hand. He noticed the small things about her, it made her feel appreciated and loved for who she was. Something she had never had before.

"So...am I going to meet any old boyfriends while we are there?"  
He joked.

She laughed. "Yeah probably, all two boyfriends still live there. Jameson runs a gas station and Craig owns a hardware store in the heart of town last I heard"

"Only two? How did someone as beautiful as you only get two boyfriends?"

"I could say the same about you, your highness. I guess you could say I didn't date much because I was bullied for being what they consider smart. No guy wanted to be with me because I was smarter than them"

"I can actually relate to that. I was bullied a lot because of my intelligence and nerdiness"

"Wow. If only they could see us now"

They laughed again. She was happy that he cared to ask about her past, but respected her boundaries. The flight was only 4 hours long, so their small conversation and light joking passed the time beautifully. Being away from home and his work, and just enjoying each other in an unfamiliar space made her love for him stronger. He actually wanted to be here. He wanted to meet her family and he was willing to bear her burdens with her. He was her hero. Her god. The same god who gave her a miracle child to share with the world that she happily laid at his alter. They enjoyed more small talk for the rest of the flight, and when they landed his protective agent instincts took over and he walked in front her so nobody would bump into her. She giggled at his manners and followed him through the airport.

"What kind of cab service do you have here?"  
He asked.

She giggled and pulled the handle on her luggage and snapped it in place, grabbing his hand and wheeling their luggage to the mouth of the parking lot. She saw her brother and sister talking with each other next to her moms old pick up truck. Spencer exhaled in surprise, pointing at the truck in disbelief.

"How are we...?"  
He asked, all kinds of equations running through his head.

"The old fashioned way, in the back"  
She giggled, waving to get her siblings attention.

They saw her and all of a sudden it was tears, hugs, and jokes. Jason was a tall, toned man with long straight platinum blonde hair to his shoulders. He had a scruffy beard and a blue flannel shirt and jeans tucked into old worn cowboy boots. He brandished the Reynolds bright, piercing blue eyes. Emesis was the total opposite, wearing a form fitting black pencil skirt and white button up blouse tucked into it. Her fiery red hair almost glowed in the evening sun. She had chunky heels on that had a strap around the ankle. She had an entire leg sleeve of monochromatic roses and skulls, which looked completely out of place. She had the famous Reynolds eyes too.

"Look at you, sister. You look amazing!"  
Emesis said, wiping her eyes.

"You look happy. Haven't seen that smile in such a long time, Cher."  
Jason said tearfully.

"Hey guys! I haven't seen you in so long..."  
Cherish cried.

She noticed her siblings eyeing Spencer wearily. That didn't surprise her though, he was wearing a suit. Nobody around here ever wore suits.

"This is Doctor Spencer Reid. He's my boyfriend. Spencer, this is Emesis and Jason."  
Cherish said, introducing them formally.

"Hi, it's nice to finally meet you. Cherish has told me a lot about you guys"

He said, shaking their hands.

"Cherish, where were you hiding this hunk of man? He's gorgeous"  
Emesis purred, locking arms with him.

"Sorry Doctor, you'll have to overlook Em. She's a little much"  
Jason smiled, picking up their luggage and placing them carefully in the back of the truck.

"She's alright, I like your tattoo Emesis"  
Spencer smiled, trying to hide his discomfort.

"Come on Em, don't wrinkle the poor mans fancy suit"  
Jason said, pulling Emesis off of Spencer.

Cherish and Jason chuckled as Emesis rolled her eyes in a joking matter. They all piled in the truck, with Cherish and Spencer in the bed of the truck, and Jason carefully drove them to her family home. She watched Spencer observe the town as they made their trip. He wasn't uncomfortable, just fascinated. She knew that it must have been jarring being in a place that was so out of touch with the world. This place had no politics, no hustle and bustle of daily life. Just people taking care of the earth so they can take care of their own. She offered him a sheepish smile when he looked at her, both of them slightly bouncing around by their bumpy chariot. He smiled back at her, and placed his hand on her abdomen and smiling. It relaxed her, seeing him being so accepting of her past life. They didn't need to say anything to each other, but they did laugh when one bumped their head on the back of the cab due to a pot hole or something of the sort.

She saw her old driveway come into view, and held her breath. Jason was careful driving down their dirt driveway, he always was. Of course it was bumpy enough to toss them around a little bit, but the familiar gripping the side of the truck made her smile. She thought she would never come back here, and here she was.

Jason backed the truck up as close as he could to the old wrap around porch and everyone got out. He grabbed Spence and the luggage and showed him inside, no doubt giving him a tour. Emesis lingered back, obviously wanting to talk. Cherish carefully got out of the truck bed and breathed a sigh of relief when she was finally standing on solid ground. Emesis sat on the tailgate of the truck, looking at her in concern.

"Look Cherish. A lot has changed since you've been here okay?"  
She gulped.

"What do you mean?"  
Cherish asked, lifting an eyebrow at her sister.

"Well, Momma's condition worsened. She doesn't have long left. Everyone in town has been leaving food and money in the mailbox to help out, but there's nothing we can do. Dad even came down to try to help, but he was chased out of town"  
Emesis explained, lightly laughing at the memory.

"Wow. I won't lie and say I didn't see this coming, but I'm glad I came when I did. I'm glad she has a chance to meet Spencer"  
Cherish smiled.

"She actually can't wait to see you. She said she can't wait to hear your big news, she had us prepare the Reynolds family feast"  
Emesis giggled.

Cherish smiled and helped her sister off the truck and they went inside. Memories of the house flooded her head. It still smelled the same, still had the same old yellow wallpaper. The same old cracked linoleum floor was comforting to her.

Things really don't change.

She found Spencer laughing and conversing with her mom in the living room. She took a moment to take in the setting before making herself known. The sun was beaming through the old yellowed lace curtains, the 1970s printed couch housed her very sickly mother. She was on oxygen, and her hair was pulled back in a fragile bun. She never wore her hair up. She held herself to the same beauty standards as a woman in the 1950s did. She's always been like that. It was so good seeing her get along with Spence. He always had a way with his charming words, and this was no different, she discovered. She took a deep breath and walked into the living room. Her mother gasped and raised her frail arms up for a hug. She leaned down and took her small mother into her arms, smiling when she felt her mother's tears on her neck. The warm embrace was familiar, like so many other things she didn't realized she missed.

"Oh baby look at you! You are so beautiful! I missed you so much!"  
Her mother cried.

She kissed her moms temple and sat down next to her, carefully minding the cannulas that were scattered about at her feet. Her mom was an emotional person, it's where Cherish inherited her own emotional behavior. She was used to tears.

"Hey mom, it's so good to see you. I see you have some new accessories"  
She joked, motioning towards the oxygen compressor and the cannula.

"I do. Don't I look great? Now I get in the front of every line at the grocery store, so it comes with its perks"  
Her mother laughed, adjusting her nose piece.

Everyone laughed.

"So, Spencer here tells me that you two are dating? Now why on earth would you hide away such a fine young man, scared I'll take him for myself?"  
mom joked.

"Absolutely. I wanted to keep him around a little bit longer before you got your hands on him. Isn't he a fine man, Mom?"  
Cherish smiled, looking into Spencer's beautiful eyes.

"I'll say. Look at that fancy suit. I bet that thing cost more than this whole house. And so charming too! You got the whole package"  
Mom beamed, patting her frail hand on his knee.

"Oh he's got the whole package alright"  
Emesis joked, purring in Spencer's direction.

Everyone laughed.

"So tell us the big news, sister. Mom got us all excited I can't bear it no longer"  
Jason said, sitting next to her and her mom on the couch.

She smiled at Jason. Even though he had a tough demeanor, he had a soft spot for his family. He loved them all fiercely, and actually made the effort to keep up with everyone and was always genuinely happy to see people doing good. He grew up to be a good man, and she couldn't be more proud of him. It made her feel terrible it's taken so long to talk to them again, but she was happy that she was there now despite her many grievances on the way over. She stood up and walked over to Spencer, her heart racing. She took his hand and pulled him to a stand next to her, and she faced her family with tears building in her eyes. She saw their excitement, their anticipation. She was reminded of all the years when she still lived here and she cried with them because she would never have a family of her own. They wiped every tear, they were every shoulder she leaned on, and she knew that her devastation back then was devastation for them too. This was the news she had always hoped for, and that they always hoped for. She couldn't wait to see their faces.

"Spencer and I have some news to share with you. Mom, Jason, Em, we are having a baby!"  
She cried, tears spilling down her cheeks.

One by one they all broke down. Jason jumped from the couch and roughly pulled her into a crushing hug while he cried into her shoulder. Emesis was holding Mom while they celebrated and cried together. She looked over at Spencer and saw tears in his eyes. He was overwhelmed by everyone's energy and excitement, and she assumed it was still harder to grasp that he was going to be a father. Emesis and Mom joined Jason in a family hug, crying and saying soft thank you prayers to God. Spencer locked eyes with her, standing alone while she was being suffocated by her family. Mom noticed him all alone and pulled him into the family hug.

"Don't think you're not part of this family, handsome. Come here and give us all a hug"  
Mom smiled through her tears.

Cherish mouthed an apology to the poor man, but he wouldn't have it. He was beaming with pride and actually laughed. Her whole heart soared. She was elated to have this moment with her family.

"I appreciate your enthusiasm but I'm going to have to ask you to remove your hand from my pockets Emesis"  
Spence chuckled.

Emesis gave him a cheeky wink and giggled. Jason grabbed her by the back of her blouse and dragged her to the couch.

"Would you stop hitting on this poor man? I'm sorry Doctor Reid, you'll have to forgive her. She has an aggressive personality but she means no harm. It's how she bonds with people"  
Jason explained, shooting Emesis an exasperated look.

"Yes I'm sorry Spencer, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable"  
Emesis apologized, sticking her tongue out at Jason.

"Now kids I will put you both through that kitchen wall. You leave the poor man alone and go set the table"  
Mom instructed.

Her siblings walked into the kitchen, leaving her alone with Mom. Her mom hugged her again and kissed her cheek.

"I knew you could. You were always meant to be a mother"  
Mom said, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

She opened her mouth to respond, but she turned to Spencer.

"And you. We all should be thanking you."  
Mom said, hugging him.

"Thanking me? Why?"  
He asked, smiling at her embrace.

"You made this happen for us. This family always wanted Cherish to achieve her dreams considering what she went through. You gave her that dream. You're her hero. You're our hero. Come, let's have dinner"

Mom smiled, shooing both of us into the kitchen.

Spencer gave her a questioning look regarding what Mom said, but Cherish pretended not to notice it. She wasn't ready to talk about that just yet. They sat down at the table and Spencer respectfully waited for mother to say grace over the food. She shot him an apologetic look but he dismissed it with a smile. She hoped he was having a decent time. Her family could be a bit much, and she felt bad for the poor man, but he seemed to be taking it all in stride. They ate dinner together, and it felt... normal. It took her back to a simpler time, an unexciting way of life. Spencer was mainly the topic of conversation. Was he excited to be a father, if he was looking for marriage, what job he had, the normal stuff. He would steal glances at her and she would feel his shoe tap against hers in a cute game of footsie. When dinner was over, Spencer and Cherish retired to the bedroom to shower and change. He showered with her again, and decided it would be cute to kiss and tease her. They would have had sex in the shower if it wasn't Jason beating on the door and begging to use the bathroom. Hearing him grumble made her giggle, it was just like old times.

After they showered and changed, they rejoined her family in the living room for a quickly thrown together family night with microwaved popcorn. Mom insisted on home movies of the kids as small children, it was horrifying that Spencer saw all the cringe phases she went through, but he and Mom were laughing and talking together. He really bonded with Mom, it showed Cherish what a great father he would be. He was so gentle, so excited, and so charming for conversation. He helped without being asked, he refilled moms water before she even finished off the glass, and even joked and threw popcorn at Jason and Emesis for their playful jabs. She had spent years trying to stay away from this place, and Spencer didn't even hesitate to dive in head first for her. It made her heart feel incredibly full.

He was perfect.


	21. Chapter 21

The next morning she awoke to laughter in the kitchen. The bedroom was empty, Spencer was nowhere to be seen. She got out of bed not even bothering to change and headed into the kitchen to see what the commotion was. She found Spencer, Emesis, Jason, and Mom eating a full southern breakfast with a huge bouquet of flowers in a beautiful vase in the middle of the table. It was gorgeous, whoever bought them didn't scrimp at all. She looked at Spencer to ask him where they came from, and he laughed at her bed head.

"The team sent the flowers, they were excited that we were down here spending time with your family—"

"Ah ah ah, OUR family. You're included too, handsome"  
Mom beamed, patting his hand.

"—our family. Garcia has already called to talk to Mom here about everything and gush about our future child"  
Spencer smiled, squeezing Moms hand thankfully.

Cherish put her hand over her heart and beamed. She hated this town and everyone in it, but her family reminded her that there was still good here. It had never left.

"So do you guys need a lift to the cemetery today? I have to work but I'm sure you haven't forgotten how to drive a stick right Cher?"  
Jason asked, taking a napkin and wiping his hands.

"Unfortunately. Actually yeah, I can't wait. I haven't seen the boys in so long, I don't even know where to start"  
She said, stealing some bacon from Spencer's plate.

"I tell them all about you. They know. All you have to do is show up and talk. I know they miss your voice"  
Mom said.

That warmed her heart. She pulled down a glass from the cabinet and filled it with water. She smiled at her Moms statement. After all these years Mom still believed in ghosts. To some point, she had to. She lost two sons on two chronological days, and Cherish honestly didn't know how her Mom would have made it through such a traumatic experience if she didn't believe that their spirits lingered for her. She was old, and any comfort they could extend to her was a god send.

"Do you want to come Spence?"  
Cherish asked, kissing his cheek.

"Yeah actually. Garcia sent some flowers for your brothers too. I'm not really sure how she got them here so quick"  
He said, stroking the case with his finger.

"I do. She called the flower shop I used to work at and gave them this address to send them to. She works fast doesn't she?"  
Cherish giggled.

She helped clear the table when everyone finished. She didn't want to eat anything, the strong smell of sausage pepper gravy made her queasy. She was actually excited to get into the fresh air again and visit her brothers graves. It's been such a long time since she had been here. Emesis began to wash the dishes and Jason showered for work. Mom went to her bedroom and came out with two tomb huggers filled with flowers. Each one had the boys favorite colors in them.

"Will you take these as well? I can't go out there anymore and I know it would mean a lot to them if you gave these to them"  
Mom said.

She took the flowers graciously, kissing her Mom on the temple before retreating to the room her and Spencer were sharing to get changed. She found Spencer dressing comfortable in khakis and a regular t-shirt. She melted at the sight of him as he shyly smiled at her gawking. He grabbed the tomb huggers from her to let her change. She went into the closet, searching for one specific outfit. The room she was staying in was her old room, and some of her clothes were still in the closet. She always wore the same outfit to see her brothers. It was the same outfit she wore when she attended her brothers' funeral. It wasn't a typical funeral outfit, but a bright yellow dress. It was the last thing Jonathan ever bought for her with Evans recommendation. If Mom was right and there were spirits on earth, she wanted to wear the same outfit so it looked like time hasn't changed. Like they never died. It was a silly thought, but a comforting one. She pulled her hair up in the same old ponytail and gathered her things. She and Spencer met Jason outside in the truck and they headed out. Spencer asked about her not wearing shoes, but she explained to him that her brothers never wore shoes, and at the funeral nobody wore shoes in respect. She giggled and stopped him when he tried to take off his own shoes, telling him that he didn't need to do it. She was just happy he was coming with her. She protected the tomb huggers the best she could while the tall slender man was being thrown around trying to hold the flowers sent by his team. They laughed at each other. It was so simple. It was a peaceful start to the day.

When they arrived, Jason gingerly helped her down off the bed of the truck. He was willfully being more careful because she was pregnant, and she was happy that he hadn't changed. Her younger brother was a good man. He walked them over to her brothers' graves and helped her put the tomb huggers on. She was in tears as soon as she saw their black marble headstones standing tall in the grass. Spencer squeezed her hand to try to comfort her, but he didn't say anything. He didn't have to. Jason was in tears too, and he wiped his eyes and laughed.

"It never gets any easier does it?"  
He smiled through his tears, wiping some leaves off of the marble.

She squeezed his arm to comfort him, all the while tears were streaming down her own face. He gave her a thankful nod and took a deep breath. He gave her a small look of comfort before he started walking to the church to start his shift. That left her alone with Spencer, and the agonizing silence of their gravesite. She sniffled and looked at him apologetically but he would have none of it. He took a step back, giving her the space she needed to gather the courage to speak to her brothers for the first time in years. She sat down right between both headstones, reaching out and placing her hand on each one.

"I uh, I know it's been a while, but I'm back for a second. I just want to say how sorry I am that it's taken me so long to do this. I don't know when I will be back so I'm going to say everything that I was too scared to say before.

I know Jason has been taking care of you guys for me. He's done a good job, hasn't he? He's grown into such a fine young man. You would be proud.

I'm really sorry I moved away and didn't come see you. I just couldn't bear the heavy weight of what happened any longer. I had to get away. I hope you understand. I think about you both every day. Every single day.

Jonathan, wherever you are, I want you to know that I made it. I found happiness that I deserve in a man that shares a home with me. He took care of me before we even got together, and he takes care of me now. I want you to know that everyone here was so proud of your will and drive to beat cancer. You may not have gotten into the military, but you were a fine soldier, and our hero. I hope that you're taking care of Evan, he needs and loves you the most. He deserves the love he never got on earth.

Evan, wherever you are, I want you to know that I'm not angry with you anymore. I understand that you could not live in a world that Jonathan was no longer part of. I was so angry for so long because you left me, Jason, and Emesis behind after losing one brother. I called you selfish, and that was selfish of me. I understand why you did it, I just wish I had a chance to talk you out of that noose. I understand that depression had an ugly hold on you, and now that I've been through it myself, I get it. I can't say I'm happy with your decision, but I understand. I hope that you found peace with Jonathan. I hope you both are happy and watch over all of us, because lord knows we need it.

I came into town for one thing this time. I'm pregnant, despite what they told me all those years ago. I did it, I get to bring a child into the world. I get to bring a child into a world that you two no longer are a part of. It breaks my heart, so I need you guys to watch over me. Not only me but my child... and Spencer."

She heard his footsteps approach. She turned back, wiping tears from her eyes, and watched him sit down next to her with no shoes on. She burst into silent sobs at looking at his bare feet. He didn't have to do that, but it meant so much. He split the flowers that Garcia sent and placed each half on their tombstones. He was a germaphobe, it was obvious he was uncomfortable sitting on the ground, but he cleared his throat.

"Hi. I'm Spencer. I'm dating your sister, and we live together. I'm a psychoanalyst for the FBI, and I am so glad to share a child with your sister. I'm very sorry that we couldn't meet while you were alive, but I'm glad that I'm here now. I am going to take care of her, and your niece or nephew with every fiber of my being. That is a promise. Not just as Spencer, but as a father and partner for my little family."

Spencer grabbed her hand, offering a look of comfort to her sobbing. He was so perfect. Her heart was broken in a million pieces. She was going to bring a miracle child in the world without her older brothers. The weight of that realization crushed her chest. Spencer wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her head to lay on his shoulder. They sat in silence with only her silent sobs to keep them both company. They leaned on each other and enjoyed the beautiful day. She felt at peace with Spencer, and her brothers. They were six feet underneath her feet. They were right at arms length, but she would never see them again. It was frustrating and heartbreaking, but Spencer made it bearable. He was the only exception to her frustration and heartbreak. He always was.

She wasn't sure how long they stayed there, but eventually the sky was painted orange pink and purple and it started to cool off. Spencer put his shoes back on and helped her up. She was overwhelmed with love and admiration for her hero that she fell into his arms a crying mess. Maybe it was hormones, or maybe it was just her, but she was so full of love for this man she couldn't stand it.

"I love you, Spence."  
She said, smiling and wiping her tears.

"I love you too Cherish. Thank you for bringing me out here, it was definitely different, but worth it. It gives me a much better understanding of who you are as a person. I know you may not want to leave, but we need to start packing so we can catch our flight tomorrow morning"  
He explained, kissing her tenderly.

She melted into his kiss, and they walked to the truck to find Jason waiting on them in the cab. They talked with him a little bit before getting into the back and she headed home with a bittersweet, heavy heart. The cool evening breeze running through her hair was magical. It felt so good, the air was so crisp it almost burned her lungs.

When they arrived home, Jason helped her down and they all walked into the house that was alive with laughter and activity. The air in the house was electrifying, Mom and Emesis were aggressively cooking and it seemed like they were in a competition. Emesis was obviously holding back for Mom but they were having a good time. Spencer seemed surprised by the yelling but he watched in amusement at the two women. Jason just smiled and walked into the bathroom to change from his work clothes.

She shimmied past her feuding mother an sister to the fridge to pour a drink. She was parched. She gave Spencer a glass and they sat at the table together, watching. It was quite the show, but soon enough dinner was done and they all sat down as a family again to eat. It was their final night together, but there was no gloomy thoughts lingering between any of them. The conversation was light, breezy, happy. A one last, good memory before she went back home, and had to go back to reality. After dinner, they spent a few hours with teary pre-goodbyes, last minute stories, and a lot of love.

They said goodnight to her family, and retired to bed


	22. Chapter 22

The plane ride home was long, and quiet. Spencer was napping in his seat, leaving her with her thoughts and broken heart. She had worked so hard to shove her memories far and deep in the back of her head, and distance herself from that backwards town. She never looked back, never wanted to go back so she can finally grow as a person and experience the world outside of dirt roads, cattle, and farms. She moved far away, to never look back. Moving to Spencer's town was the best thing she had ever done. She remembered the first time they met, it was a faint fond memory she held dear to her heart.

" _I'm sorry, Cherish. You have no credit or references. I can't give you an apartment on promises alone. I wish you the best, but I can't help you."_

_She sighed in disappointment and nodded. She said goodbye and trudged out of the main office of the 8th apartment complex that day alone. She was exhausted, drenched in sweat and bitter disappointment. She was going to be homeless in a terribly dangerous city, but it was better than facing the hard truth at home. She decided to go to a nice park that had a few food trucks scattered about. She had a little bit of money, and the food was making her mouth water but her appetite was dwindling away due to her stress. She sat on a bench and just watched the people bustling about their busy day. She sighed in defeat and looked at the applications in her hands that were denied. Tomorrow she was going to go job hunting, but today she had enough rejection. An ego could only take so much._

_She noticed a small group of people standing together and scanning the area. They were trying not to be conspicuous but to her, it was obvious. She didn't know who they were, but she felt strangely safe. She ran her fingers through her hair, disappointed that her dreams were unraveling at her feet. She did not want to go home. Anything but home._

_"Anyone sitting here?"  
A random man asked, popping up out of nowhere._

_She jumped and dropped all her papers, causing them to scatter everywhere. She quickly bent over to shakily picked them up. The man apologized and helped her. She looked over and found herself caught in his beautiful gaze. He was gorgeous. He had wild beautiful brown hair and brown eyes with a hint of gold. The sunlight shining on them made them practically glow, like amber. He smiled at her, handing her the papers and they sat back down on the bench. She looked over at the small group of people, and one was watching them by hidden glances. They looked so unofficially... official._

_"I couldn't help but notice the applications, are you trying to move?"  
He asked._

_How forward. "Well, yes and no. I moved from the other side of the country, but I can't seem to find a place here."_

_She wasn't the type to just tell people her business, but he seemed trustworthy. He looked harmless._

_"Do you want some help? Until you get on your feet?"  
He offered._

_"Wow, that's rather forward, but I do not want to go back home. What can you do?"  
She sighed._

_"Well, you can stay with me. I'm hardly home due to my job so you don't have to worry."_

_"Stay with you? I don't even know your name."_

_"Spencer. I'm Doctor Spencer Reid."_

_"Hi Spencer. I'm Cherish. Cherish Reynolds"_

_"It's nice to meet you. Here's my card, give me a call and we can get you moved in."_

_She had no words. She gawked at the retreating man in utter shock. She was angry at herself, for rushing into a weird situation but she was so desperate to not go home. She could never go home_.

She smiled at the memory. A strange man just offered his most private place to a stranger, not knowing the destiny he wrote between the two of them. She had no idea how important that moment was back then, but now... now it was everything. She never asked why he was so open to allow a stranger to live with him, she knew now that it was completely out of character for him. Like, extremely out of character. She really couldn't imagine ANY circumstance where he would ask anyone to invade his private space. She looked at the sleeping man next to her, her heart swelling with love an admiration. He was so perfect, it was almost impossible to see him as human. He was her hero. Her sleepy hero.

She placed her hand over his, memorizing the feeling of his skin against hers. He stirred a bit, but went back to sleep. It was an intimate moment, him sleeping. He was comfortable around her, he didn't think either of them were in danger. A moment he wasn't aware that he was a part of, but a beautiful moment all the same. She took this time to look around the plane, examining the passengers. She tried talking Spencer out of first class, but there were certain luxuries he wouldn't settle with. Everyone looked like an important businessman, or a wealthy real estate agent. They were all glued to their phones and chattering away until the captain came over the loudspeaker and asked all electronics to be turned off until he successfully landed the aircraft. When the captain first started speaking, Spencer snapped awake and scanned his surroundings out of habit. Once he got his bearings, he turned to her with a warm smile.

"Are you ready to be on bed rest for the next nine months?"  
He teased, kissing her hand.

"Bed rest? Doctor Morris didn't say bed rest"  
She protested as they clicked their seatbelts on for landing.

"No, but I did. I'm a doctor so my advice should hold some weight"  
He smirked.

She sarcastically rolled her eyes and giggled. She clutched his hand as the plane slightly rumbled about on its decent. She could see the familiar lights and sights of the city, and she relaxed. She wasn't at the countryside anymore, she was home. The same home she shared with a god of the earth, Spencer Reid. Once the plane landed and they got off, they made their way through TSA and the airport. When they arrived outside he called a cab, commenting how much he missed the option. She felt so comfortable in the city. It was once a place of frustration and broken dreams, but all because of the kindness of one man, it was her dream. This city was her home.

Their home.

They got into the cab and were home bound. Her heart fluttered with excitement. She never thought she would miss the smells of her home, or the tidy space they shared. She had been surrounded by family- his along with hers- all week. She couldn't wait to relax in with her love. He didn't say anything in the cab, that was normal for him. Familiar. When they arrived home, she noticed the parking lot for their apartment building was unusually full. She commented on it, but Spencer told her not to think about it. 'Must be a party or something. Let's get inside, I can't wait to unpack and relax' he says. She shrugged it off, and walked behind him as he carried all the luggage. She had tried to carry some, even the one with wheels to help him out, but now that she was pregnant she was helpless in his eyes. She normally would be offended, but she knew he was doing this out of love and consideration. How could she be mad about that? When they arrived at their apartment door, she happily opened it and stepped aside so Spencer could step in first with all the bags. As she turned to follow him, she was stopped in her tracks by yelling from inside the apartment. She ran after Spencer, thinking he was in trouble, but she froze when she saw his entire team's smiling faces greeted her.

The team was in their apartment! Spencer was so surprised he dropped their bags, but laughed when he realized what was going on. She smiled, taken by complete surprise. The room was very decorated for a baby shower, and she immediately knew who did it all. Garcia was standing front and center, completely full of energy and love like usual. They were swarmed with hugs and love before Garcia made them sit at the table to receive gifts. She was exhausted from the week before, but she was genuinely happy to see everyone. Even Derek was there, giving Spencer pep talks and his congratulations. Everyone had bought a gift for the baby, and she wasn't even two months along. She was overwhelmed and stunned by the support system they had. Emily had bought baby monitors, Rossi had a crib specially made for them, Tara and Matt bought several boxes of diapers of different sizes and wipes and Tara additionally gave her a small box of maternity clothes, JJ got a car seat and stroller travel system, Luke had bought a changing table and a baby bathtub, Garcia had dozens of outfits for a boy and for a girl and tons of little baby shoes that made Cherish tear up, and Morgan bought a bassinet and she saw him discreetly slip a small box in Spencer's shirt pocket. Garcia and JJ brought out a cake while Emily went into the kitchen to set up drinks. It was a beautiful, simple party that she was so grateful for. She kept catching Spencer's eyes, and they were full of tears and love for his family. It was such a beautiful sight.

They enjoyed themselves, relaxing after a week of nonstop traveling and plane rides. It was nice to have a bunch of people wait on you hand and foot for once in her life. It's not something she wanted to get used to, but she knew she would have to put up with it for the next nine months.

She didn't have a choice.

The party lasted for hours, and by the time everyone had left, she was in dire need of a nice warm shower. Spencer looked worn out himself. She was so grateful that everyone cleaned up when they left, and they left all the drinks behind for them to drink. It was soda and lemonade, even some ginger ale for her upcoming morning sickness, Curtesy of JJ herself. They shared a sweet, soft kiss before she walked into the bathroom to pee and shower. Spencer was too drained to shower, so he sat on the couch to watch tv until she was done. She was secretly happy to have the shower to herself, to fully process everything. Seeing all the baby stuff had her emotional. She hadn't even thought of life after the pregnancy, she was still getting used to just being pregnant.

After she peed, she turned the shower on. She got in once the water heated up, and melted under the stream. The water stung a little bit, but after a few seconds she got used to it and enjoyed the hot water. All her stress from the past week washed away down the drain, leaving her feeling fresh and new. She washed her greasy hair and cleaned up, humming that song that she heard on her first date with Spencer. She found herself singing what lyrics she could remember more often than she wanted to admit to. Such a beautiful song held a special place in her heart, just like her sweet love. Once she was satisfied with her hygiene, she turned off the shower and dried off. The bathroom was steamy, making it sort of hard to breathe. She wrapped the towel around herself to stepped out of the bathroom in search of clean comfortable clothes. She felt Spencer's eyes on her while she walked into her bedroom, making her giggle. She let the towel fall to the floor and she fumbled around her dresser for some pajamas. She settled for her galaxy shorts and a pastel purple oversized t-shirt. She was aware the shorts weren't needed for such a long shirt, but she felt comfortable that they were there. She wanted so badly to seduce Spencer and have a wild night with lovemaking, but she was so fatigued she didn't think anything was going to happen tonight. She walked back into the living room, and crashed on the couch. Spencer chuckled at her carelessness and pulled her into his lap. She laid against his chest and enjoyed his heartbeat and steady breathing. He ran his fingers up and down her thigh mindlessly while focused on the tv. She relaxed, enjoying his touch. After a few minutes, she found herself drifting off. Her eyelids and even her head was too heavy to hold up, and Spencer noticed. He smiled lovingly at the sight before him. He stood up with her in his arms, and carried her to his room. She could barely keep her eyes open as he placed her gingerly under the covers. She felt him get into bed behind her and he spooned her.

As soon as his arm wrapped around her, she was asleep.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **This chapter includes intense sex. Just a heads up.**

She woke up to Spencer getting out of bed. The sunlight was splattered all over the room, blinding her for a moment. She groaned and covered her face with her arm, ushering a chuckle from the gorgeous man. She watched him get dressed, admiring his toned body and strong jawline. She hasn't slept with him in over 2 weeks, and it was having an effect on her. She didn't know how she went a whole year with all the sexual tension between the two. She purred at him slipping his tie taut around his neck. He looked back at her, smirking.

"You seem happy this morning"  
He said, pulling her up from the bed and into his arms.

"Mm. You look so good in the sunlight. That suit, that tie... mm. You make the mind wander..."  
She teased, tugging the tie a little bit trying to get a rise out of him.

"You look pretty good yourself. Last week I was thinking something. You told me that you like rough sex right?"  
He asked, blushing.

"Yes. What about it?"  
She asked, getting excited.

"What constitutes rough for you?"  
He smirked, snaking a hand down her arm and clasping her hand that held his tie.

"Anything goes. I like being hurt, I like bruises. Choking definitely. Orgasm withholding, things like that"  
She smirked, knowing he wasn't capable of that.

"I thought so. Do you trust me, doll?"  
He asked, the pet name rolling off his lips.

She immediately was thrown off guard, and just like that, he had the upper hand. He knew it too. His knowing smirk made her weak, and his hand tightened around hers.

"Did you like that name? You like to be called doll?"  
He teased, leaning down over her.

She was at a loss of words. She never expected Spencer to come out of his comfort zone. What was he planning? He chuckled lowly and his free hand snaked under her hair and gripped hard, pulling a pleasurable gasp from her. He pulled her head back, exposing her neck to him. Her body shivered in anticipation as he slowly, ever so slowly, leaned down and dragged his lips down her neck. He was teasing her. He did not come to play.

"You seem excited. Does this feel good, doll?"  
He murmured against her skin.

She could only groan in response, her heart was thumping loudly in her chest. He chuckled at her lack of response and bit down on her neck, hard. She let out a loud involuntary moan and lost her balance. She fell back into the bed, pulling him down with her by his tie. This excited him, fueling him to growl and laugh lowly.

"Oh, you shouldn't have done that."  
He growled.

"Oh I think I should have."  
She giggled, raising her leg to rub against his hard bulge.

He pulled her shirt off roughly enough that she was sure he would rip it. She closed her thighs, really needing friction between them. He sat back on his knees, and snaked his hands under her, unsnapping her bra and throwing it across the room. He palmed her breasts, causing her to moan and squirm under his touch. He leaned back down to her neck, biting down and sucking again. She moaned a bit louder, arching her back to press up against him. With how hard he was sucking, she knew it was going to leave a deep bruise. That made her even more excited.

"Oh fuck, Spencer!"

She angled her neck, giving him more room for more bruises. He graciously accepted her offer and trailed one hand down her abdomen and teased a finger into her waistband. She couldn't bite back the soft moans and begs for more as he rolled her nipple in one hand and teased her clit with the other. She was completely at his mercy, and she wouldn't want it any other way. He pulled off her shorts and underwear, his fingers sliding through her folds.

"You're so wet, doll..."  
He purred in her ear.

She let out a gasp, rocking against his hand between her legs. He laughed.

"Look at you. I've barely started and you're squirming for me..."

She couldn't even give him a response, she was lost in his touch and hot breath on her neck. Her whimpers and moans fueled him as he teased his fingers around her entrance. Her eyes rolled back as his finger slipped inside her, causing a loud moan to escape her lips. Spencer chuckled and captured her lips in a passionate kiss. He trailed down to her breasts, leaving butterfly kisses behind. He flicked his tongue over her nipple, and gently grazed his teeth over it. Her eyes widened as he slowly bit down as hard as she could stand it, smiling at her groans. He sat up and started pumping his finger inside of her, and his free hand made its way to her throat. She got even more excited. Was he going to choke her?

"Do you like that doll?"  
He smirked.

"Yes Spencer, use two fingers you feel so good..."  
She moaned.

"Your wish is my command."

He slipped another finger inside her and started pumping harder. She was bouncing on his fingers, his fingers slowly gripping her neck. Her eyes rolled back as his fingers tightened and his speed picked up. She used whatever strength she had to extend her arm to his throbbing bulge. He grunted and thrusted his hard cock against her palm. She grabbed his tie and jerked him down to kiss him hard, moaning into his lips. She used her palm to stroke against his bulge, enjoying his hot breath on her face and his soft thrusts against her hand.

Soon enough, he grew impatient. He slipped his fingers out of her and licked them, his eyes never leaving hers. Seeing his lustful, hungry eyes on her and watching him lick her taste off of his fingers made her even more wet.

"You taste good."

She bit her lip, fighting a whimper of anticipation. He stood up and took off his clothes, watching her admire him. He pulled his tie off slowly, watching her get excited. Once he was completely naked, she was anxious to get his cock in her mouth. She needed him, but he obviously had other plans. He crawled back over her, sitting on his knees and pulling the tie taut between his hands. She admired the fabric wrapped around his wrist and arms. To get him under her and tied up... what an image.

"I'm going to gag you. I don't want to hear anything but pleasure come from you. You understand?"  
He instructed, rather than asked.

She bit her lip and nodded. He smiled devilishly and gagged her with his tie. Her thoughts were running wild. He was getting more comfortable with her kinks. He grabbed her and roughly turned her over on her stomach, and grabbed her hips to lift her up on her knees. She teased her wet entrance against his huge cock, shivering at the warmth. She needed him inside of her. Now. He grunted at her teasing, and she felt his hand on the back of her head, and he shoved her face in the bed.

"Do not fucking move. This isn't for you. This is for my pleasure, doll."  
He rasped, breathing hard.

She whined in anticipation, biting down on his tie gag. He teased his cock around her entrance, softly moaning in pleasure. God, his voice was so intoxicating. It made her melt into the sheets. Without any warning, he shoved himself inside of her. A muffled gasp escaped her lips as she gripped the bedsheets hard.

Fuck, it hurt so good.

She loved the pain, it filled her with need and lust. He leaned over and planted a sloppy kiss on her neck, biting down and sucking on it while he slammed himself inside her again. His hand found its way around her throat as he fucked her, _hard._ She was speechless, completely under his mercy. He was fucking her so hard her head was hitting the headboard, and her knees were being lifted with every thrust. She couldn't help it, but she was drooling. The gag was soaking wet, and her eyes were rolling back in her head.

Fuck, It felt so good.

She wanted to scream his name, let the neighbors hear what they were doing, but the gag made it impossible. He knew that too, he was enjoying himself.

"Your sounds are so exhilarating... they make me want to do bad things to you."  
He rasped.

She moaned at his voice filling her ears. He grabbed her arms and pulled them behind her to use them as leverage to fuck her harder. His nails digging into her skin caused her to bite down hard on the gag as she felt her orgasm start to build up. He felt her walls clench on his cock and he picked up the pace. She screamed, lost forever in the bliss. Her walls started contracting as he fucked her faster.

"Fuck, I'm going to cum."  
He grunted, his voice low.

Yes Spencer. Please cum. She was practically begging him to. She started using his momentum against him and tried to go faster, but she immediately regretted it. She felt herself fall over the edge into her orgasm, crying out through the gag. As her walls clenched his cock she felt him shiver and he shoved himself deeper into her and he came. Hard. His guttural groan of satisfaction filled her ears as they both collapsed into the sheets gasping for air. She wiped the sweat from her brows, messaging her throbbing arms from his grip. She was completely and utterly satisfied, riding out the high from her orgasm.

That was the best sex she's had in years.

Looking at Spencer, she could tell from his worn out eyes that it was the best sex he ever had. She pulled the tie out of her mouth and let it hang loosely around her neck, wincing at the wet fabric on her skin. Spencer lazily reached over and grabbed her face, giving her a soft kiss. She melted into his lips, enjoying the smell of sex on him.

"I love you, Cherish. Are you alright?"  
He asked, untying the tie from her neck.

"I love you more than you will ever know, Spence. I'm perfect. That was fantastic sex."  
She beamed.

He nodded in satisfaction and got out of bed, finally gaining control of his breathing. He put on his underwear and pants, leaving the top half of his body exposed for her pleasured viewing. She purred at him as he walked out of the room. She got out of bed, throwing her shirt back on, and heading to the bathroom to pee and clean up. When she returned, she found Spencer downing an entire 2 litre of soda and sighing in satisfaction. She giggled at him and grabbed another 2 litre to pour herself a glass, like a civilized person.

"Are you ready for the next eight to nine months?"  
He asked, giving her ass a love pat.

She giggled. "Yes I am. Are you Spencer? You ready to be a husband and father?"

"I think I am. I really am."

She smiled, her heart beaming.

"I am so glad."


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **This chapter takes place several months after the last one. Cherish is at the end of her pregnancy, and she gives birth. This is the second to last chapter, thank you so much for reading.**

"The crib is put together, the nursery is done, and I successfully merged our rooms together so we can coexist peacefully"  
Spencer beamed, drinking his coffee.

"Somehow you've managed to do everything that I asked you not to, your highness"  
She teased.

"You're on bed rest. So you absolutely were not going to do it. Besides, Rossi helped"  
He smirked, winking at her.

"You damn right I did. Don't worry Reynolds, you are all set. Your only job is to go have that baby today"  
Rossi smiled, joining them at the table with a coffee mug in his hands.

"Thank you so much guys. Your help is greatly appreciated. I can't believe that today is the day..."  
She trailed off, caressing her huge belly.

"I can't either. It feels like you've been pregnant for years"  
Rossi teased, rolling his eyes.

"She's only 40 weeks, that's pretty typical with pregnancy. Also, it's doctor."  
Spence corrected.

She giggled, nostalgic at their old banter. God, it seemed like yesterday that she was yearning for him and trying to win his affection. Look at them now. A little family about to welcome a baby boy. Just the thought elated her, and her cheeks flushed. Spencer was going to be such a great dad, and his entire team have been sitting on the edge of their seats for weeks for the new member of the family arrive.

"Have you two finally agreed on a name for Untitled Reid yet?"  
Rossi asked, looking between both of them.

Untitled Reid was what they called the perfect little boy until they could settle for a name. Spencer and her haven't been able to agree on a name since they found out the gender.

"Ugh, no. I love the name Grayson Alexander and Spencer loves Oliver James. We have tried and tried but he's stubborn"  
She smiled menacingly across the table at her love.

"Me? Absolutely not! YOURE the stubborn one. Clearly my name is better"  
Spencer chuckled, downing the last of his coffee.

"If you two kids keep fighting I'll ground you both from the baby. I'll take care of Rossi jr."  
Rossi joked, getting up from the table and placing his mug in the sink.

"Leaving so soon again, David?"  
Cherish asked, maneuvering her way up to stand.

"Afraid so. Somebody's got to pay the bills"  
He joked, eyeing Spencer

"I'll have you know I'm being paid for my sabbatical. It wasn't easy but nobody can resist my charm"  
Spencer winked, standing up to send off Rossi as well.

"Oh I'm sure. You call me the minute she goes into labor. Reynolds, you rest and let Spencer take care of everything. You call me if he screws up"  
Rossi joked, hugging them both and heading out the door.

Cherish loved when David visited. He was such a fatherly man, so full of wisdom. He was funny, but he didn't have to be mean to be funny. He's been spending a lot of time with them for the past few months, trying to reach poor Spencer how to cook so she 'could focus on being a mother.’ He was old fashioned and set in his ways, but he meant no harm. To be honest, she was relieved that he's been around Spencer all this time. Spencer didn't really have a father figure in his life to teach him how to be a father, but Rossi assumed the roll with ease. It comforted her that he had someone there for him.

She didn't have anyone with that kind of wisdom though, seeing as her mother died not long after she visited to announce the pregnancy. The funeral was hard to go to alone, but Spencer had a job to do and she understood that. Jason and Emesis helped her, and she helped them. It was a rough time in her life, but she was grateful that she had her siblings to help her. She smiled to herself, knowing how excited they were on their way down here today to be there for the birth. She was an anxious ball of nerves today. She was terrified and excited all at the same time. Ever since she fell in love with her hero, she dreamed of the day she would carry his children and it was at long last coming to fruition. Her life was seemingly perfect right now.

"Hey, you alright?"  
Spencer asked, placing his hand on her belly.

"Yeah, I was just thinking about today. I'm so scared that something will go wrong."  
She sighed, taking comfort in his touch.

"Things will go great, and little Oliver will be perfect. Just like you. Don't worry, okay?"  
He said, wrapping an arm around her waist and leading her to the couch.

She wanted to believe him, but she was terrified of being responsible for another tiny human. She didn't know if she was ready to fully be a mother. She was scared she'd fuck up. Of course she knew that it was typical to be scared. Terrified even. She just wanted to be the perfect mom and partner to Spencer. He may not have put a ring on her finger, and she didn't know if he believed in all of that, but she felt like a dutiful wife to him. She couldn't imagine being anything else. He was everything she ever needed. He was perfect.

A god on earth.

"Look, it's not good for you or the baby to worry like this. Things will go perfectly. We will be surrounded by doctors and nurses who do this for a living. You will be in safe hands"  
Spencer reassured her as they sat on the couch.

"I know... I know. I'm just so terrified, you know? How are you so calm?"  
She asked.

"Because I know you can do it. You are the strongest woman I've ever met. You loved me fiercely, not expecting me to ever return feelings, and when I did you welcomed me with open arms. You loved me through all my trauma and insecurities, and you gave me every part of yourself. You changed my life. If you can deal with Spencer Reid, you can deal with the half of me that is inside that baby."  
He murmured, tucking her hair behind her ear and giving her a soft kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you Spence. For loving me, and loving our baby."  
She quivered, fighting the tears in her eyes.

"I would die for you both. Don't ever doubt that."

"Me too Spence...me too."

She didn't doubt that. Not even for a second. She leaned over and rested her head on his shoulder the best she could with her balloon belly in between them. They sat in silence, enjoying the quiet and each other's presence. He ran his fingers though her hair, smiling nostalgically.

"One last moment of peace, huh? Before our lives change forever..."  
He whispered.

"I'm going to miss it"  
She smiled through her tears.

"Me too... but I'm excited for this change."  
He smiled.

"Are you ready to go on this adventure with me? This wild crazy adventure called parenthood?"  
She quivered, staring into his beautiful eyes.

"Actually you know what? When you put it like that, it's a no from me. Is it too late to cancel the tickets?"  
He joked, chuckling at himself.

"I'll cancel your life, try me Doctor."  
She giggled.

They laughed together, sharing one moment of intimacy and love before they dove headfirst into screaming babies, dirty diapers, and formula. It was a beautiful moment, seeing him being so relaxed. It made her feel as though he truly meant what he said, that he really wasn't worried. If the great Dr Spencer Reid wasn't worried, maybe she shouldn't worry... as much. She relaxed a bit and they settled in to watch a little tv before their appointment. With every second that crawled by she got more uptight and nervous. After about an hour or two she was so nervous that she jumped when there was a knock on the door. Spencer squeezed her hand and answered the door, and she saw Emesis and Jason standing there. Her heart soared.

"You guys made it! Just in time too, my appointment is in an hour"  
She said, relieved at the sight of them.

"We wouldn't miss it for the world, Cher. Are you ready?"  
Jason asked, gingerly pulling her in for a hug.

He smelled of home. His eyes already full of tears.

"I think so. I'm in the questioning-every-decision-I've-ever-made phase of being ready"  
She smiled, trying to play off the depth of her terror.

"Oh don't worry, Dr Handsome is sure enough for the both of you. Look at him, he's already so proud!"  
Emesis gushed.

She smiled at her sister, fighting back tears. She was right. Spencer was so calm and relaxed, just for her. He was being strong just for her. She took a deep breath to compose herself. If a hero could be strong, then so could she. Jason and Emesis took this moment to place their hands on her engorged belly, cooing at the little boy inside. Their faces were washed with joy, pride, and love. It was so weird to love someone you haven't met so much, but he has stolen the hearts of everyone close to her and Spencer. They all would die for the baby, she did not doubt that. It was everything she could ever want, an army behind an innocent life that deserved the world. She was going to give her sweet son the world, and Spencer would lay his life to protect such a world.

What a beautiful place this world has become.

"The Doctor said that you need to drink sugary drinks to get the baby moving about before we go in for the c-section. So here, drink this okay?"  
Spencer said, snapping her from her thoughts.

He handed her a glass with soda inside of it. She smiled thankfully to the flawless man and drank it. Spencer started bringing all their bags into the main room with Jason's help. Emesis walked next to the front door and dragged hers and Jason's luggage next to the couch. She set the glass down on the dining room table, watching Spencer get ready fondly. This was their last day being just Spencer and Cherish. She drank him in, memorizing his sharp jawline, his wild hair and stubble, his laugh, his great sense of style. He was a perfect man.

An able man.

"Don't worry okay? Jason and I will be in the waiting room, and Spencer will be right by your side. Things are going to go perfectly and soon we can hold that beautiful boy in our arms! Oh I'm so excited!"  
Emesis cried excitedly.

"Absolutely. Look at me, Cherish. I will not let anything go wrong. Leave it to me, all you have to do is push. I love you, with all of my heart."  
Spencer murmured, pulling her into his arms for a tender embrace.

"I love you too Spencer. Thank you for giving me such a beautiful life, and for loving me. Thank you for giving me a son"  
Cherish smiled, wiping a tear from her eyes.

Spencer smiled softly at her. Jason put his hand on Emesis' shoulder, both of them smiling at the sight of Cherish and Spencer sharing a tender moment.

"It's time to go...are you ready?"  
Jason asked, checking his phone.

"...yes. I'm ready"  
Cherish beamed, her breath catching in her throat.

Spencer cupped her face in his hands and kissed her deeply, lending her his courage and strength. She could do this. She knew she could. She had to, for him. Jason and Emesis gathered the hospital bag and the baby bag while Spencer called a cab. Cherish grabbed her phone off the couch end table and placed her hand on her belly to feel the baby move one last time. Today was the last day being pregnant. She often dreamed of this day, but she knew she was going to miss it. She was excited to have her baby in her arms though, and couldn't wait to bring him into this world. She turned off all the lights in the apartment, and walked to the door where everyone was waiting on her. Spencer took her hand and they walked out to the cab. The walk was fairly short, and one she's taken hundreds of times, but this time she was out of breath just walking to the cab. Spencer gave her a look of concern, and helped her into the car. Emesis had to sit in Jason's lap for all four of them to fit in the cab, but as soon as they started their journey everyone was all smiles. The air in the cab was crackling with excitement.

"Wow Cherish! Your feet are really swollen, pregnancy symptom?"  
Emesis inquired, pointing at her feet.

"Oh really? I hadn't noticed. That's crazy, I haven't had swollen feet at all this whole time, I guess we are going at the right time"  
Cherish snickered, rolling her feet around.

"Swollen feet are pretty typical for pregnancy, it's nothing to worry about okay? I promise everything is going to be fine"  
Spencer reassured her, clasping her hand in his.

She smiled at him. He was so worried about her. It warmed her heart that he cared so much, she just felt bad that he had to. All her life was completely independent and did everything she could to take care of herself so nobody else had to. She picked up extra shifts at the flower shop to save up for a car, she bought groceries for her household so her Mom could focus on bills, she took care of Jason and Emesis when Mom was depressed when Dad left. She had built herself and her life around the virtue of independence. When she moved in with Spencer, it was only supposed to be for a few days or a week until she got a job. He kept asking her to stay because he enjoyed the company when he got home. She allowed herself to be vulnerable and let someone else take care of her for once, and now she has the most perfect man on this earth, and she was carrying his child. She was properly loved for once. Despite her life being hard, it had given her more than she deserved.

She didn't take any of it for granted.

As soon as the hospital was in sight, Emesis tapped Cherish's thigh in excitement and Spencer smiled warmly at her. His eyes were sparkling as if they were saying _this is it._ It's time. Her heart fluttered, causing her to be short of breath. Her breath hitched in her throat as she stared at the huge building. There was no turning back now, she was going to have a baby today. As if she had a choice. The cab driver told them congratulations as Spencer paid her and they all piled out. Jason wouldn't allow her to get out until he could help her out. He was an overprotective brother, and a good one at that. Emesis entangled her fingers between hers, tears in her eyes as they stared at the hospital. Their lives were about to change. Forever. Jason grabbed the bags and Spencer gently pulled her away from Emesis and they all walked into the emergency room.

The clerk at the desk was so excited for them, and gave them directions for labor and delivery. As they stood in the elevator her heart fluttered again, leaving her breathless again. Spencer gave her another look of concern and squeezed her hand. When they got to their designated floor, the doors opened and they walked to the desk. The waiting room was quite small, and empty. It was surprising, were there no families here for delivering mothers?

"Hi, this is Cherish Reynolds. She has a scheduled cesarean today to deliver her baby"  
Spencer said, leaning on the desk and flashing the nurse a brilliant smile.

How cheeky! Cherish giggled and gave the woman her license and her appointment confirmation. The woman was flustered at Spencers smile and started looking into her computer. When she found Cherish's name, she gave back her license and checked her in.

"It would make me so happy if you take care of her, you know? She's nervous, and you seem like you know how to keep people calm and comfortable. Give her the best of care for me, okay?"  
Spencer smiled at the nurse, winking at her.

Emesis and Cherish had to stifle their laughter as Jason gave him a subtle thumbs up. The nurse blushed and nodded, and left to make sure a room was open. As soon as the nurse was out of earshot, Cherish nudged him with her arm.

"Did you really have to do that? That poor woman can't resist your handsome looks"  
Cherish smiled.

"I know. It's my job to study people and I know it's selfish but I used my powers for evil so you can get the best of care. I'm going to do the same thing when we get in a room"  
Spencer said, winking at her.

They all chuckled and the nurse came back into the waiting room. She explained that everyone had to wait while Cherish was examined and prepped for surgery. This made Cherish really nervous, but Spencer flirted a little more to make sure she would be taken care of. The woman blushed again and gently led Cherish to a room. The room had a large window on one wall where the family could watch the birth and not risk infection or anything else during the surgery. The woman helped her undress, and put a gown on her. When she got on the bed, the woman explained what to expect and did anything she could to ease her anxiety.

"Is Spencer going to be with me?"  
She asked quietly.

"If he's the father of your baby, yes. He has to wear special clothing to stay sterile but yes he absolutely can be in here. The rest of your family though, can sit in that room right there or wait in the waiting room, whichever you prefer."  
The woman explained nicely.

"Okay, that's fine. What are you going to do to prep me? I'm new at this and I'm nervous"  
Cherish explained sheepishly.

"Right now, we are going to check your vitals and go over your family history to make sure we are as prepared as we can be. It's painless I promise"  
The woman laughed.

She nodded at the nurse and watched her mess with the equipment. The woman put these wires on her, and when asked, the woman said it was to check her heart, blood pressure, and oxygen levels. All these machines made Cherish nervous, but she was excited to get this over with. She couldn't wait to meet her little boy.

"Hmm. That's weird."  
The woman said, looking at the heart monitor.

"What? What do you mean weird? What's wrong?"  
Cherish asked in horror, her heart making her become breathless again.

"I don't know... I'm going to have a doctor check this out. Be right back. In the meantime, I'll get Mr Spencer prepped and ready to come in."  
The woman said, leaving the room with a concerned look on her face.

Cherish's heart started pounding as the panic and anxiety seeped in. What did she mean? What was wrong? Her thoughts started running wild. The baby could sense her change of mood, he started kicking. She rubbed her belly, trying to soothe him. After a few minutes of running through the worst possibilities, Spencer walked in. She was so glad to see him. She didn't even notice the mask or hair cap on him. His beautiful face relaxed her, and he squeezed her hand to comfort her. Before she could say anything he was at the monitors reading whatever they were saying. After a few minutes he turned to her in concern.

"You have a heart condition?"

Her heart dropped into the pit of her stomach. No? She had never been diagnosed. She was 23, wouldn't they have found it by now? He noticed her panic and tried to reassure her but nothing could at this moment. What did this mean? Would a heart condition make it hard on the baby? Would he have a heart condition too? Spencer was looking at all the other monitors when the doctor came in. She relaxed when she saw his familiar face. It was Dr. Morris. Spencer noticed him come in and pointed at the heart monitor.

"Nobody ever noticed this the entire time she was pregnant. Why is it showing up now?"  
He asked timidly.

"I couldn't answer that Dr Reid. I have no idea, but we are going to do what it takes to keep it under control."  
Dr Morris smiled.

"What is it? What's going on?"  
Cherish panicked.

"You have Peripartum Cardiomyopathy. Have you noticed any breathlessness during your pregnancy or swollen legs or feet?"  
He asked.

"Actually no, not until today. Do you think she was asymptomatic until now?"  
Spencer interjected.

"Could be, but nevertheless things should be fine. Cherish, the nurses are going to give you an IV and the epideral to numb you from the waist down so we can start the surgery. Are you ready?"  
He asked.

Cherish hesitantly nodded and looked over at the window to see her siblings watching in concern. She didn't know when they got in that room, but it was obvious that they hard everything. Spencer started pacing back and forth, agitated. He was soaking up her stress and it was affecting him. She reached out and grabbed his hand, squeezing it to comfort him. He smiled at her, trying not to show his anger. A tap on the glass caused both of them to look and Emesis blew them both a kiss. It was all she could do to comfort them. She saw the timid look in Jason's eyes. He was worried. Spencer gave her a thankful nod, fighting back the tears building in his eyes. She was still stunned. She had no idea what kind of heart condition she had, or what it entailed for her during delivery. Her thoughts were running ninety to nothing, and all she could do was sit and watch the baby kick. Spencer noticed her belly moving and he placed his hand on it, smiling as his baby kicked his hand. It was a tender moment. For a moment, it was just them. It was beautiful to see him be so in love with someone he's never met.

Their moment was gone when the nurse walked in. She sat Cherish up the best she could, and started the epidural. Cherish squeezed Spencer's hand when the needle went in, and he coached her breathing. When it was over, the nurse laid her back and started with the IV. Cherish watched her wearily, nervous. Spencer run his fingers through her hair, murmuring sweet nothings in her ear. When she was done, the nurse checked all of her monitors, and tested how the epidural was working. Once Cherish was completely numb from the waist down, the doctor came in and a team of nurses. Spencer greeted them warmly. Cherish was a nervous wreck, so they were extra friendly to ease her mind. One nurse stood by the heart monitor, watching it closely while the other nurses set up the privacy screen and put an oxygen cannula in her nose. She looked over at his siblings, smiling at them one last time before she brought her son into the world. They gave an excited thumbs up, encouraging her. It warmed her heart.

"Alright Ms Reynolds, are you ready?"  
Dr Morris asked.

Cherish shared a loving look with Spencer before nodding. It was time. It was finally time. With her approval, they got to work. She didn't know what she expected with a cesarean, but she did not expect how calm it was. She didn't feel anything but pressure and pulling. Spencer coached her to breathe through her anxiety, and the nurse watching her heart monitor would occasionally remind her to breathe and relax. The nurses gave her encouraging words when she would get too worked up. Spencer was excited, he couldn't wait to see his child.

She couldn't tell how much time had passed, but after a while the doctor and nurses got excited. It was finally time.

"Oh there he is! He's so beautiful Ms Reynolds! He's got your hair!"  
One of the nurses cooed excitedly.

She heard a suction noise, and then... crying. A baby's cry. She suddenly was overwhelmed with emotions. His cry was so beautiful, her little boy... Spencer immediately started crying when the doctor held the baby up for them to see. He was perfect... he had Spencer's eyes, those beautiful eyes...

"He's beautiful! You did a good job"  
Spencer smiled through his tears.

Her heart fluttered again, causing her to become breathless. She gasped for breath through her tears, overwhelmed by the miracle that she was now a mother.

"You need to breath Ms Reynolds okay?"  
The heart nurse said.

But she couldn't. She tried but her chest started to feel tight. All the nurses tuned their attention to her. One nurse wrapped her sweet baby up and walked out of the room to run tests, but the rest of them fixated on her. Spencer was looking at her in panicked horror as the nurses gently pushed him away to assess her state. The doctor was still behind the privacy screen, and Spencer grew agitated.

"Why is she still bleeding? She shouldn't be bleeding!"  
He said.

This caused Cherish to panic, her chest tightening making her groan in pain. The monitors started going off, and a nurse was called behind the privacy screen to help the doctor. She noticed bloody bandages on the metal table next to the doctor.

"Ms Reynolds you need to breathe"  
A nurse coaxed, turning up the oxygen a little.

"She can't! Help her!"  
Spencer cried.

A nurse swiftly ushered him out of the room, leaving her alone. Her chest was so tight... she couldn't breathe. She wasn't getting enough oxygen. She knew that because her vision narrowed until she could faintly see the ceiling. Her head suddenly became heavy, and fell back into the pillow. The floor started swaying from beneath her, she was scared she was going to fall off the bed. She gripped the metal bars on the side of the bed. She needed Spencer, he wouldn't let anything happen to her. He knew what to do. Where did he go?

She tried to look around her him, but her eyes hurt to roll around in her head and waves of nausea washed over her. Nurses were swarming her now. One of them were yelling at the rest and a nurse barged into the room with... was that a crash cart? She heard loud banging, but it was distant. She lazily rolled her head over and looked at the window and saw the silhouette of three people frantically banging on the glass. Was that where Spencer went? She made an attempt to take a deep breath, but it ended in a hard strenuous cough that felt like it ripped through her chest. The pain was too much, and she felt herself slipping into unconsciousness. A nurse dropped the bed and she roughly fell closer to the floor, and the last thing she saw was a nurse pumping compressions on her chest.

Then everything went black.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Trigger warning: death.**
> 
> This is in Spencer’s POV.
> 
> _I have died every day waiting for you, darling don’t be afraid I have loved you for a thousand years._
> 
> _And I’ll love you for a thousand more_
> 
> _-Christina Perri_

He saw it. Right before he was ushered away he saw the monitors start to go off. The doctor was frantically trying to stop the bleeding. There was so much blood.

When he was shooed into the family room, he could only watch helplessly as the nurses performed CPR on wasn't supposed to happen. She was supposed to be there forever, she was the only thing that made sense to him. They were supposed to be together forever.

Jason and Emesis were screaming her name. Calling out for her to come back to them. To not die on them. Their voices rang in his ears. The ring was burning in his pocket. Her ring. The ring that she was supposed to say yes to.

They were supposed to spend their life together.

"Spencer help her! Don't let them let her die!"  
Emesis cried, clutching onto his hand.

Her words pierced his heart. He couldn't. There was nothing he could do... but watch. He was helpless. He's always been helpless. Helpless against her beautiful smile, her voice, their sex. The doctor was frantically barking orders and trying to sew her up. The nurses were all scrambling to save her life. The defibrillator paddles, the chest compressions, the oxygen. It wasn't supposed to end this way. It was supposed to be a smooth delivery. Why was this happening?

He was panicking. He couldn't process what was in front of him. He wasn't ready to be a single father. She was supposed to always be there. All their promises, hopes, and dreams were all being washed away right in front of him. He pounded on the glass, hoarsely begging the doctor to save her. His words slammed against the glass, and fell on deaf ears. The doctor continued to try to stop the bleeding, but he couldn't. Her blood was out in the open, painting the lower half of her body and the doctor. It was dripping on the floor. Her half open eyelids offered nothing but white scleras. She was dying right in front of him.

Every sound around him started to slowly fade into a loud ringing. The world start to shift, and the floor began to sway underneath him. His disbelief and anger was consuming him. Nothing felt real. He watched in horror as the woman he loved flatlined in the same room as she brought their beautiful son into the world. He started to lose control of his legs, leaning heavily on the glass to hold himself up.

"Spencer she's... she going to die."  
Jason scowled, not even bothering to hide his tears.

"I...I know."

He didn't even know how he mustered the strength to speak, but it was all he had. He slowly let go of the glass, and fell to his knees. He supported himself with his arms, trying to keep himself up. He could lose her. Not now.

"Spencer your team is waiting for the baby and the engagement party... what do we do?"  
Cried Emesis, her eyes not leaving the horrific scene of her sister.

He couldn't do anything. Tears spilled over his cheeks as he watched the nurses gather around the woman he loved, the mother of his child, and all bow their heads. Jason and Emesis screamed and cried out in grief, slapping the glass in frustration.

Spencer just...watched.

Cherish flatlined for the final time. After several attempts to stop the bleeding and to get the heart pumping correctly, she succumbed to death. She was gone. The love of his life... ripped from his heart and from his life. He would never see her eyes again. Never hear her laugh. Never feel her touch. It was all over.

Despite the trauma, she looked oddly peaceful. Her head was rolled back into the pillow, eyes closed, and her mouth was hanging open a little bit. As if she was just sleeping. Spencer did not believe in religion, but he quietly begged the god he didn't believe in to just let her be sleeping.

It would never be that easy would it?

They removed the oxygen, the defibrillator paddles, the heart monitor, and the intubation. They pulled her gown down over her wound to give her some dignity. She laid in that bed, arms at her side, drowned in her own blood. Painted red by her insides. Dr Morris looked at Spencer on his knees, and gave him a look of such sorrow and empathy. It angered him. Rage boiled in his chest. The doctor came into the waiting room while Emesis wailed for her sister, and Jason growing frustrated and falling into despair.

"Dr Reid I... I am so sorry. We lost her. You and her family may sit with her and take all the time you need. Would you like the nurse to bathe her before you go in there?"  
He asked.

"No."  
Spencer sneered, jumping up and shoving past him.

Emesis and Jason followed after him, desperate to get to their sister. When they entered the room, Emesis ran to her side and threw herself over Cherish. Wailing and pleaded for God to save her. To bring her back. Anything. She got Cherish's blood all over her, but she didn't seem to care. Her fiery red hair was draped over her sister as she screamed in agony. Spencer used every ounce of strength he had to drag himself next to Cherish, taking everything in. He wasn't supposed to see her in such a state. They were supposed to be sharing a beautiful hospital stay together with their baby boy. ..

Jason stood at the end of the bed, not even caring that his sisters blood was getting all over his shoes. His eyes were empty, void of life and emotion. He just stared blankly at the corpse of his sister.

It was all he could do.

Spencer slowly extended a shaking hand to Cherish's cheek. She wasn't too cold yet, she still felt lifelike. His heart broke all over again. He broke down in tears next to the love of his life. Spencer’s and Emesis' cries filled the room, drowning out the overwhelming silence. He ran his fingers through her hair one last time. Jason gripped the bed, his knuckles white. He was shaking, tears silently dripping into the floor, mixing with his sisters blood. The air in the room was thick with the scent of death and grief. It suffocated him. Those beautiful eyes that always begged him for affection and love would never open again.

"I was so lucky to have known you for these two years..."  
He whispered in her ear, knowing that she couldn't hear him.

Emesis reached over and placed her hand over his, clutching it in a death grip while her eyes never left her sisters corpse. Emesis' body heaved violently with her sobs, but no noise escaped from her trembling lips. Her eyes were swollen and puffy and blotched red from her tears. Jason walked over to his distraught sister and wrapped his arm around her. The two collapsed into each other, holding each other tightly. Spencer gently held Cherish's hand. It was losing its color, and she was getting colder. These hands, once vibrance and life, these hands touched his body in love and lust, were now cold and lifeless. He could help but watch her chest in disbelief, trying to catch a small breath or a twitch or anything that shows any signs of life, but there wasn't. His breath got caught in his throat and he swallowed hard. Dr Morris slipped into the room, grabbing his attention.

"There are some people in the waiting room asking for you Dr Reid. I didn't know if you wanted me to tell them the news, so if you want them to know feel free to visit if you like. You can come back and stay as long as you like"  
Dr Morris said quietly, giving him a helpless look.

Spencer brushed him off. He turned his attention back to Cherish, and leaned down and kissed her cold forehead. He promised a swift return and trudged out of the room. His feet were heavy, he could only drag them as he marched into a waiting room full of his family. They were all expecting a baby, and he knew they had gifts and smiles and a room full of love to give, but there was no love right now.

He took a deep breath before he opened the door, trying to get control of his emotions so his team didn't see him weak. He slowly opened the door, and came face-to-face with all of his friends and family waiting with happy and excited faces. They had no idea. As soon as they saw him come in, they swarmed him with hugs and smiles and balloons. When Spencer didn't return their happy gestures, a grim reality set over them. Garcia was already in tears, asking what was wrong.

"Is the baby okay?"  
JJ asked in concern, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Yes. He was born healthy and perfect," Spencer quivered, "but Cherish... she didn't make it."

Everyone's faces dropped, and he could no longer keep his composure. He broke down and lost all his strength and fell to his knees, JJ and Garcia lending a helping hand to fall into. Silence filled the room, and tears filled their eyes. They all didn't know what to say. What could they say to that? Everyone knelt around Spencer, a hand on his shoulder to give him the support and strength that he so desperately needed.

"I...I-I have to-"

"We know. Go back to her, we will wait right here for when you're ready. You don't have to be alone."  
JJ murmured in Spencer's ear, tears spilling from her eyes.

Spencer nodded and they helped him up, and opened the door for him. The walk back to Cherish's body was long. Time slowed down to a crawl. He memorized every sound, every color, every crack and speck in the floor and the walls around him. This supposed to be a good day for them. The last day of being a couple and the first day of them being a family. Why did it have to be the last day of her life?

She wanted that little boy so bad...

What was he supposed to tell his son? He would never meet the wonderful person she was or experience her love and care. All he would ever have are pictures and stories. Is that enough for a child without a mother?

He entered Cherish's room. The air in the room was different than the rest of the hospital. It was as if time had stopped, and they were stuck in Cherish’s last moment while the rest of the world marched forward. Emesis and Jason were just holding each other while they stared helplessly at their sister. They had put a blanket on her to hide most of the blood. She looked so peaceful this way, as if she was just sleeping. He leaned down and planted a salty, tear-filled kiss on her lips. They were still sort of soft and inviting, even in death. He whispered sweet nothings in her ear again, giving her his last goodbye. Emesis reached over and held his hand for whatever comfort she had left in her. She squeezed his hand again, reminding him that he wasn't alone. He was with family. They had his back. He squeezed her hand, shaking.

"Spence, we have to give her up"  
Emesis said hoarsely.

"I...I-I know."

"The morgue will clean her up and get her ready for a funeral. They will take good care of her..."  
Jason reassured.

"I know."

"Go to your son. We will take care of her, okay? Where do you want her buried?"  
Emesis quivered.

"With her family. I'll pay for it, I know that's what she would have wanted."

"Okay Spencer... go get that precious baby, okay?"  
Emesis smiled through her tears.

Walking away from Cherish for the last time was the hardest thing he had ever done. Each step was a mile further from her. It took every ounce of strength he had left to not turn back. His son needed him too. He walked to the nursery, and the nurse that had checked Cherish in before was standing there waiting for him. He could tell that she had already been briefed on what happened. She gave him a gentle smile and opened the door for him, allowing him to walk into the nursery. She led him to his son, and picked him up out of his little bed. She gently placed him in Spencer's arms, and instructed him how to hold him. Spencer looked helplessly at this innocent creature, wondering how he was going to fix this mess. How he was going to give his son a good life without his mother. It seemed impossible.

"Have you thought of a name yet?"  
The nurse whispered.

"Me and Cherish could never agree. She wanted Grayson Alexander, and I liked Oliver James"  
Spencer murmured, cradling the innocent baby against his chest.

"You can combine them, like Grayson James or Oliver Miles"  
The nurse suggested.

"I like that. Grayson James Reid. Do you like that name Grayson? Your mommy did"  
Spencer cooed at his son.

The nurse wiped a tear from her eye, and gently took Grayson from him and placed him back in his little bed. She explained that his feeding time will be in a few hours and she would be his personal coach on how to do everything he needed to know to take care of a baby. He was relieved. He had no idea how to take care of a baby, and having someone teach him was what he needed. He heard a soft knock on the door and turned to see Emesis and Jason. They were looking around in awe at all of the babies. They wanted to see their nephew. Spencer waved them over and showed them his little bed. Tears filled his eyes as he saw them light up at the sight of their sisters son. The nurse allowed them to hold him for a few seconds before nap time, and they fell apart at the beauty of Grayson.

"He has her hair... look at that head full of hair"  
Emesis quivered.

"He has her nose too. Look at that, he so beautiful"  
Jason smiled in disbelief.

"His name is Grayson James"  
Spencer beamed proudly.

They smiled through the wave of tears that were spilling down their faces. They knew Cherish wanted that name. Grayson. They made fun of her when she first said it, but in a loving way. His name fit perfectly. He didn't know how to explain it but it felt like that name was perfect for his son. The nurse put him back in his bed and they walked back into the hall. Spencer looked at them helplessly.

"I don't know what to do now. I'm not used to an empty house anymore."

"I know how to take care of a baby. Jason and I can move in if you need a live in nanny"  
Emesis offered.

"I'd like that. I know Cherish would love to have you guys in Graysons life, especially since she won't be able to"  
Spencer quivered.

"Nah ah. She will be. Back at home, when someone died, we put a picture up and a candle. We light it and talk to them every day. It's Cherish's turn for her picture and Grayson will be able to talk to her every day"  
Emesis interjected.

Spencer liked that idea. Jason explained that Cherish was being carried to the morgue right now, and they had to wait in the waiting room for the official paperwork and to get a room. Spencer had to get a room for the night because Grayson wasn't ready to come home yet. So they all walked out into the waiting room, and they were greeted by his team. The colorful balloons were gone, and candles had replaced them. Garcia gave him a tight hug, giving him her condolences.

"They are for her. We wanted to say our goodbyes too. Is there anything we can do?"  
She asked, tears in her eyes.

"I don't know how to plan a funeral."

"You don't have to. I've already called the funeral home, I've already paid for it. You don't have to worry about a thing"  
Rossi said, putting a hand on Spencer's shoulder.

He almost collapsed at the weight of Rossi's hand. JJ hugged him hard. He knew her heart was breaking for him right now. Emily stood back with Derek, both of them talking hushed amongst themselves.

"What if... we cremated her instead? So we don't have to bury her at home and have to fly out to see her? That way... Grayson has her with him here?"  
Emesis suggested.

"I like that idea. That way she stays with you and your son"  
JJ said, squeezing his shoulder.

"Not a problem. I'll just make a quick phone call."  
Rossi said, stepping away.

Spencer liked that idea more. He could take her with him on his cases and talk to her when he's feeling lonely. He wasn't the type to wear necklaces but he was going to get one to carry some of her ashes. When Spencer smiled at that idea, everyone seemed to relax. They shared a visible breath of relief.

"Did I hear that your sons name is Grayson?"  
Emily asked, trying to lift his spirits.

"Yes. Cherish liked that name, so I combined the name I liked and the name she liked. Grayson James Reid"  
He smiled, his voice cracking.

"That's a beautiful name. We will help you Spencer, you won't be alone in this"  
Morgan said, patting his shoulder.

Spencer nodded his thanks, and they all settled down while Spencer waited for paperwork and a room. When he was finally assigned a room, his team followed him. The room was packed, but they didn't mind it. They wanted to give him support. When the nurse came in and saw everyone her eyes widened in shock but she smiled all the same.

"Baby Grayson is ready to eat. Are you ready to feed your son for the first time?"  
The nurse asked excitedly.

Everyone shared mutual looks of heartache and excitement for Spencer. He nodded and everyone's faces lit up when they wheeled his little bed into the room. Garcia gasped and couldn't stop gushing over how beautiful he was to JJ and Morgan. He saw the tears in JJ's eyes. The nurse allowed everyone to look at Grayson while being a good distance from him to keep from spreading germs while she taught Spencer how to use the bottles and nipples that the hospital provides. Emesis stood by his side and encouraged him, she was becoming his best friend in all this. Once Spencer assembled a bottle by himself, the nurse gingerly picked up Grayson and placed him in Spencer's arms. Everyone awed and watched in excitement as Spencer's heart softened watching his son suck on his first bottle. He beamed with pride, and Emesis cooed at the baby while he ate. It was like second nature to her, like she was supposed to be a mother. Spencer was so bitter and angry at losing Cherish, but his son was already started to heal his spirit a little. He needed to be strong for Grayson.

When Grayson was done eating, the nurse showed him how to burp him. Spencer couldn't help but laugh incredulously when he heard the tiny burp come from his son. The nurse allowed him to talk with him for a few minutes while she got the rolling bed ready to change his diaper and to allow him to put clothes on his son. She showed him how to change his diaper, how to clothe him while minding the umbilical cord clamp. It was overwhelming, but good all the same. It wasn't so hard, he could do this.

And he did.

With Emesis' help, he was completely able to take care of his son on his own their entire hospital stay. Waking up every two hours wasn't hard, because he couldn't sleep anyway. Emesis stayed with him all night, making sure he was okay. When they were discharged, Spencer was shocked on how hard it was to install a car seat. He had to send JJ to go buy him a car because they couldn't leave until he showed he knew how to install the car seat safely. The drive home was hard. He knew he was going home to an empty house, and on top of that he had to work on the arrangements for Cherish. Rossi paid for the viewing and cremation, but he still had to pick an outfit for the viewing, flowers, and the home video that everyone seemed to have at their funeral.

When they got home, Jason and Emesis were waiting on him, and relieved him of the bags and even took Grayson for a moment so he could breathe. So he could take in his empty house and process that Cherish wasn't waiting for him anymore. Emesis placed little Grayson in the bassinet in the living room and let him sleep while she tried to help Spencer. She was so strong, and that's exactly what he needed right now.

"I found a few outfits for her, I'll let you choose which one she wears. Her favorite flowers are blue and purple orchids, and white lilies. You don't have to get those but I thought I'd let you know. The funeral home wants you to select an urn for her ashes"  
Emesis explained softly.

"Okay. Thank you, Em. Do you mind watching him while I shower?"  
He asked.

She nodded and sat next to Grayson on the couch. He went into the room he once shared with the love of his life, and rummaged through the closet for some clothes. He tried not to look at hers. He couldn't. Not yet. He quickly grabbed some clothes and hurried to the bathroom. Her scent was suffocating him in that room. He took his time showering, trying to wash himself of the memory of her death. How could he ever forget? He was a hostage to that gruesome memory. He took solace in the hot water, allowing the steam to stunt his breathing. To completely encase him, hopefully to take him away from everything. He ignored her shampoo and soap sitting in the shower caddy she bought. He looked blankly at the empty wall next to him, leaning against it. He tried so desperately not to smell the lingering scent of her soap.

She was everywhere. He could never escape.

He allowed himself to cry. It was the first moment he was alone since they left for the hospital, and he knew that it would be the last moment he would have alone in a very long time. So he allowed himself a moment to grieve, and cry. For as soon as he stepped out of the shower, he had to be strong for his son, and Cherish's siblings. They needed each other.

He didn't know how long he wallowed in his grief, but he finally composed himself and quickly showered off. He took a deep breath and got dressed. He came back into the living room and saw Emesis softly rocking and singing to Grayson while he fussed in his bassinet. Jason was quietly cooking in the kitchen. Emesis smiled at his freshly wet hair and moved over so he could sit on the couch. He sat next to his son, taking solace in Emesis' warmth radiating off of her. He rocked Grayson until he fell back asleep. Surprised by how quiet the house was. After his son was asleep, he quietly walked to his bed, and stared blankly at the outfits Emesis brought out. It was the pink dress and brown tights that he loved, the yellow dress that he figured Emesis brought, and the beautiful dress suit she was wearing when they first met. It was a white button-up blouse and a beautiful black pencil skirt. He heart sank into his stomach. He didn't want to do this.

"Rossi says that her funeral is tomorrow. Are you ready?"  
She asked, rubbing his back to comfort him.

"No, but I have to be. I want Grayson to be able to say goodbye to her. I want to say goodbye to her..."  
He trailed off.

They stood in silence as he looked at the outfits. It wasn't the comfortable silence he was used to with Cherish, but it was a close second. She let him process this and sort himself out. He gingerly touched each outfit, making sure to feel the fabric. To memorize each seam. The yellow dress was so soft, and meant so much to her. The pink dress meant a lot to her too. So did the pencil skirt and white blouse. He looked at Emesis for help. He didn't want to do this. He didn't want to choose.

"Cherish told me about the pink dress and the skirt. You of course know about the yellow dress. Honestly, the pink dress looked so good on her."  
Emesis said, picking up the outfit.

"I think so too..."  
He trailed off, looking at her holding the dress up.

She offered him a small smile. And hung it up on the back of the door while he put the other outfits back in the closet. He closed the closet door, leaning against it and taking a shaky deep breath. He didn't want to do this.

Jason called them to the table for dinner. He was wearing her apron, hair pulled up in a platinum blonde bun, some stray hairs were hanging loosely over his face as he set the table. The kitchen cloth hung over his shoulders, just like Cherish used to do. With how comfortable he was in the kitchen, Spencer could tell that he was the one who taught her how to behave in the kitchen. Taught her how to cook. It was almost nostalgic to see her work through him. They sat down and had a quiet dinner so they didn't wake Grayson. They discussed Cherish's arrangements, and old stories from her childhood. His love for her only grew as he learned her childhood through her siblings. When they finished dinner, Spencer gave Jason and Emesis the bed he once shared with the love of his life. He laid on the couch next to Grayson, quietly counting the minutes down that the night would be over. Grayson was up every two hours on the dot, wanting to be fed and needing attention. He was happy with the distraction. He held his son up and looked at this tiny, innocent creature that depended on him for survival. He was truly beautiful, a perfect mix between Cherish and him. He talked to him almost all night, telling him all about his mother. How much she loved him, and how bad she wanted him. Her big plans for their family. How much he loved his mother.

Talking to Grayson was easy. He listened and occasionally made noises. By morning, Spencer was wide awake. He bonded with Grayson all night, and it filled him with determination. He was determined to get today over with and let Grayson meet his mother for the first and final time. Emesis woke up early, and made him coffee. When she handed him a cup, he looked at her in confusion.

"Cher told me that's how she liked to start your morning"  
Emesis smiled.

His heart swelled when he looked down at the cup in his hand. She was still taking care of him through her siblings. She knew how bad he would need that. He gratefully drank his coffee while Emesis left to drop the outfit off at the funeral home. Jason woke up and showered before starting breakfast. Spencer got dressed and packed up the diaper bag. He fed Grayson his morning bottle and changed his diaper. He dressed him the best he could, trying to mind the chord clamp. Jason was right, he had Cherish's nose. And her hair color. He could already tell that it was going to curl soon enough. Jason called for breakfast and they sat down to eat. Spencer tried to wait for Emesis, but they didn't have time. Cherishs viewing was soon enough.

They quickly ate and as Jason was washing the dishes, Emesis came back and tried to get dressed. She looked so lost trying to find out what to wear. Jason did too. How do you choose an outfit that will see your sister be put to rest? She finally settled on the outfit he first saw her in, the white blouse and black pencil skirt, just like the one Cherish wore when he first met her. He had forgotten about her leg sleeve of tattoos. Jason cleaned up, trimming his beard and pulling his hair into a bun again. He was wearing black slacks and a white button up long sleeve shirt that was rolled up right below his elbow, and black suspenders. It showed off his heavily tattooed arms. How did he not notice that? He appreciated Jason's really nice shoes. Real Italian leather. He looked gruff, but sophisticated at the same time. Despite their backwoods upbringing, Emesis and Jason knew how to carry themselves. They dressed way above their station. They looked like mobsters, dangerous and elegant.

Spencer had chosen a similar outfit as Jason and Emesis. He had on black slacks, a white button up, a black vest, and dress shoes. He didn't look nearly as dangerous as his two counterparts, but he knew that Cherish would melt at the sight of him right now. Oh, how he wished she could see him right now.

They left, Emesis carrying Grayson in his car seat as they loaded the car. It was an unusually bright day for a funeral. They sat in silence the entire ride to the funeral home. Normally, if you were cremating a body, you couldn't view them beforehand. Rossi jumped through loophole after loophole to make it happen. The funeral home closed its entire chapel just for this one viewing. When he arrived, his team was already waiting for him. They were all dressed in black, grimly watching Spencer get out of the car and get his son out. It was time. He didn't want to do this, but he had to. It was time to close this chapter in his life, and start another with his son. It was time to be a single father.

His team gave him a helpless look, offering their strength and comfort as Emesis and Jason escorted him into the building. It was time to say goodbye. His team stood behind him as he stood right outside the door of the parlor where the love of his life was put on display. He held Grayson close, trying to swallow the tears building in his eyes. He didn't want to do this, but he had to. He had to be strong for his son.

"Are you ready, Spence?"  
Emesis asked, grabbing the door and waiting for his response.

"Yes, I'm ready."

End


End file.
